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Original poster

Feel like a crank-Vegas stag do...

52 replies

Loveallmyboys · 07/08/2014 11:01

So, OH wants to go on a stag do to Vegas in June. Deposit of £200 is due ASAP and the total cost is about £900 for 3 or 4 nights there. Add to this spends and inevitable clothing etc, we're talking maybe £2000.
In June, DS2 will be about 6-7 months. We just sold our car and are looking for a bigger one now. He's only willing to spend £1500 on one-surely a newer, more reliable car is more important than p*ssing £2k up a wall in Vegas?? We just sold our car for £6k so most of that will be gone! He doesn't want to spend money on the house we currently live in as we're renting(won't even buy paint or curtains for the 3 kids bedrooms as it's expensive?!) me and the kids didn't get a holiday in September, as promised, because he went to Spain on another stag do...
He is the sole bread-winner, I am a SAHM so we are a one-wage family. Surely this amount of money could and should be better spent?! Ugh

OP posts:
iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 07/08/2014 12:33

You need to lay down the law

My DH had this earlier this year, two expensive overseas stags, he couldn't justify spending on them (it will be more than 2k really won't it once you take into consideration the wedding costs too), we had a family holiday instead and his friends whined but you know he's a bigger man than to care, his kids come first

Nanny0gg · 07/08/2014 12:35

You need to lay down the law

But he won't take the slightest notice. That's part of the issue.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 07/08/2014 13:00

He will once you rock the boat, actions speak louder than words, believe me if you lay down the law clearly enough he will hear - I don't subscribe to this theory that men don't listen, go get a job - disabling him from doing this, only you can control you

firesidechat · 07/08/2014 13:14

'All the other lads have kids and they won't get grief for going'

I bet those other wives get family holidays and a few nice things for the house.

I've always been thankful to him for taking me as a package deal. Can't be easy! Do t know if I could have done it?

Please don't say that. You make it sound like you're some kind of charity case. You are not. I assume he had his own reasons for marrying you. Like loving you and wanting to spend the rest of his life with you and the fact that you add something positive to his life. I hope so, anyway.

ApocalypseThen · 07/08/2014 13:24

It sounds like he wanted a compliant slave - and got one.

Darkesteyes · 07/08/2014 13:33

Daisy the second child wasn't an immaculate conception you know. The DH did have some input.

OP he is being financially controlling. What would he say if you got a job and he had to pay for half of childcare. I bet I can guess.

Darkesteyes · 07/08/2014 13:38

From the link.

•Refusing to give you money, food, rent, medicine or clothing.
•Using funds from your children’s tuition or a joint savings account without your knowledge.
•Spending money on themselves but not allowing you to do the same

curtains for the kids room could come under clothing.

And the third one on this post is self explanatory.

Lottapianos · 07/08/2014 13:39

Highly controlling behaviour - financial abuse in fact. Leaving you and your children to go without while he controls all the money and blows several grand on a holiday for himself. And he actuallly told you to your face that he sees all the money as his? How awful. Sounds like he thinks a woman's place is in the home and that you have no more rights than a slave. It sounds like you don't feel you are an equal partner in this relationship either.

He doesn't sound like a good dad. At all. And he sounds like a dreadful partner.

You deserve much better than this OP

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 07/08/2014 13:43

That's far too much to spend for Vegas. We frequently go (and lived nearby at one point) has he booked as a package?? As it is SO much cheaper to book flights and accommodation seperately (Thomas Cook airlines are particularly cheap). Also booking with hotel directly is cheapest way, and they often have special offers. He doesn't need to pay for transfers, shuttles go every 15 mins or so to the strip from the airport and cost about $7pp.

Unless he's staying in the Bellagio penthouse suite £900pp for 3-4 days is a total rip off.

Sorry I know it's completely not the point of the thread but just thought I'd let you know how much you could save just re-looking at costs

Eauneau · 07/08/2014 13:55

If you were the sole earner, would you let him dictate how you could spend your wages? Probably not.

Yes, it's not 'dictating' to suggest that if he can afford to spunk 2 grand on a stag do then he can afford to take his family somewhere I holiday and get them some curtains for fucks sake!

And yes the other wives may well be fine with their husbands going, but maybe they are not being financially abused. If my DH wanted to spend that much on a stag do to Vegas I would think more fool you be fine with it and wish him a good time, but he already provides more than enough for us as a family in terms of essentials, a few nice things and holidays.

Eauneau · 07/08/2014 13:56

Sorry my first sentence should say 'Yes, but its not dictating.....'

CKDexterHaven · 07/08/2014 14:17

What does he contribute to your happiness? What does he contribute to your children's happiness? You've sacrificed your financial independence and earning power to raise his child; what is he sacrificing? You say he's a good father but your children don't have holidays while he has two. You say he's a good father but your children don't have curtains while he spends money on himself. You say he's a good father but you say he singles out your older child for harsh treatment.

This man is not a good father. This man is not a good partner. This man is not a good person. All the sacrifices are yours.

CKDexterHaven · 07/08/2014 15:18

Plus, stag party in Vegas? What's legal in parts of Nevada? Why go there in particular?

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 07/08/2014 15:24

^That's what the rest of the money is for: hot and cold running tarts.

Deftones · 07/08/2014 15:30

My DP was invited to a Vegas stag, money was tight (due to our impending wedding), he apologised and let the groom know he couldn't attend as money was tight and we had more important things to spend on than a jolly.

Also, DP is not the father of my DD...We are not a 'package', and I'm not grateful for him 'taking us on', get that way of thinking changed!

He has a family and responsibilities, and those don't seem to be very important to him. sounds horrible

Nancy66 · 07/08/2014 15:38

Also, once there, your partner will be put under massive peer pressure to gamble money he doesn't have.

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 07/08/2014 16:14

Plus, stag party in Vegas? What's legal in parts of Nevada? Why go there in particular?

Hmm despite the OPs DH clearly being a bit of an arse why on earth would you assume he'd use prostitutes?! Las Vegas is one of the most tourist attracted places in the world, if he was going to a different part of Nevada which was renowned for prostitutes you'd have a point, but that is probably the biggest assumption I've ever heard of!

Also YY to a pp saying he'll be pressured into gambling. You just can't get away from it there

Nancy66 · 07/08/2014 16:26

if a stag party want to shag hookers they can do it anywhere - I agree that it's a bit of a leap to assume that's the intention here.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 07/08/2014 16:42

The intention is to get v pissed 24/7 and forget he has responsibilities, and he's not doing it on the cheap!

Darkesteyes · 07/08/2014 19:55

Agree with Deftones You shouldn't have to be grateful for him "taking you on"

He should have felt/feel bloody honoured to become part of your family when he did.

Spending £2000 on himself while saying there isn't money for curtains for the childrens room. He should be fucking ashamed.

BravePotato · 07/08/2014 20:02

He wants to do the whole debauched prostitute stripper-lads-thing in Vegas. What a fun guy.

If that is the sort of thing he wants to do, why have a wife and baby? If you want to be a player, a lads lad, why have a family?

What an absolute fuckwit.

Poor you.

BravePotato · 07/08/2014 20:03

If he wanted to see the sights, and watch Cher sing, he'd go with his family, not with the lads.

So yes, prostitutes and strippers will feature, most likely. Though he'll swear blind he won't.

BBQSteak · 07/08/2014 20:21

yuk what a horrible man, deprives his children of a holiday and basic stuff yet wants to waste money like this

get rid of him op

you deserve better

he really is not a "good dad"good dads are not that selfish

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 07/08/2014 20:58

MN is an odd place sometimes. Leaping assumptions that blokes will shag prostitutes. Not all men go to stag dos to rampantly shag strangers, some people do it cos, you know, their mates are getting married and that's what the groom wants to do Hmm