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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you would deal with these nasty children

69 replies

ChristmasYoni · 04/08/2014 21:14

Home from a 13 hour shift, stressed and wanting to relax in my garden with a cup of tea and a cigarette. Kids in the garden opposite looking through the fence shouting a whole array of comments at me such as telling me I'm fat, I need to fix my hair etc. Now started throwing chips over the fence at me.
Trying to ignore them by callin my little old nan for a chat but they're annoyingly mimicking every word I say.
I know it's petty to be annoyed but being insulted in my own garden is so infuriating.
Their parents are rather...rough to put it nicely. As in saying something to the children would result in getting an earload from the parents and knocking to complain would probably result in a punch to the nose!
I've now came inside and I'm really pissed off move basically let myself be bullied into my own house by a fan of 10ish year olds but argh!
What would you do??

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 04/08/2014 21:52

10 year olds you say?

Hmm, now, what is the age the police start taking an interest.……

queenofthemountain · 04/08/2014 21:54

The first thing you do is tell the children firmly that you will not Tolerate rude behaviour like this and if it happens again you will be speaking to their parents nd then the police
If it doesn't stop immediately you go round and politely and calmly tell their parents what is going on.

D0oinMeCleanin · 04/08/2014 21:56

10yos?

I'd send dd2 out with her beatin' stick.

You can borrow her if you like? She has a mean temper, no fear of anything and a big stick to go with her even bigger mouth.

BudsBeginingSpringinSight · 04/08/2014 21:57

Dieu I wouldnt do that, because I wouldnt trust them with her property...the car would be covered in shaving foam...maybe after intial niceness.....

queen the parents are just as bad. they wont give a shit.

BiscuitsAreMyDownfall · 04/08/2014 21:58

I had no idea what to do when we were 'targeted' by the nasty children in my street. After 7 years of it and me becoming agoraphobic we moved. Bit drastic, but it was the only way for me.

Hope you manage to find a solution easier than me.

Dieu · 04/08/2014 22:02

I agree that the parents don't sound the most approachable, so maybe my original idea of the recording and journal is best.
Really feel for you OP. It's such a basic human need to want to feel safe in one's home.

coppertop · 04/08/2014 22:04

Do you know whether they rent the house? If it's social housing, the tenancy agreement usually includes a clause about anti-social behaviour.

BiscuitsAreMyDownfall · 04/08/2014 22:05

All social housing will do is write a letter saying someone has complained, which might make it worse.

Original poster
ChristmasYoni · 04/08/2014 22:08

It is social housing yes. They will know it was me though as the dad came out midway through to shout at them for something unrelated so definitely heard.

Don't want to deal with the backlash from a complaint if it won't amount to anything other than them getting a warning or something.

OP posts:
ElephantsNeverForgive · 04/08/2014 22:18

We have an evily bright remote flash gun.

I have a feeling that thinkinking there is someone they can't see taking their picture might make them feel very uncomfortable.

coppertop · 04/08/2014 22:23

In that case I'd consider investing in this wonderful CD by William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy:

www.amazon.co.uk/Spaced-Out-William-Shatner-Leonard/dp/B0000089JE

BudsBeginingSpringinSight · 04/08/2014 22:36

OP you have nothing to loose by trying to be kind in the first instance, make it seem spur of moment...when you feel confident to give a big smile.

You will also feel in control for the first time, as you are trying to manipulate their behaviour for the best out come for yourself rather than be the victim.

I would be amazed if it doesnt floor them...esp if you let the parents know too....it may promote them to keep the kids being nice to you.

Its worth a try in the first instance....

if you do go to council and so on, it will look even more favourably on you - that you went and gave them something!

Try it!

MrsWinnibago · 04/08/2014 22:44

Tell them to fuck off. Seriously. Next time they do it, you say "FUCK OFF you little bastards! And if they don't fuck off then you pick something heavy up and bang the fence where they are. Then go round to the front door, bang the arse off it and when the parents come, stick your finger in their faces and tell them to stop the kids shouting insults at you or you;ll fuck them up. Don't let them get a word in edgewise.

That, or a year's worth of letters to the police and council is all that will work.

Frogisatwat · 04/08/2014 22:44

Pyrocanthus (sp?) Lots of. Slow but effective.

CSIJanner · 04/08/2014 22:45

Fuck giving them a swing ball. They dont deserve it and the frozen chips probably won't be noticed the in "landfill/rubbish tip" that is their garden.

Give them some [http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Bears-Sugar-Free/dp/B000EVQWKC sugar free gummy bears]. They'll spend so long on the loo that they will never darken your doorstep again. And probably won't knock on your door for trick or treat either.

CSIJanner · 04/08/2014 22:46

with working link

Fuck giving them a swing ball. They dont deserve it and the frozen chips probably won't be noticed the in "landfill/rubbish tip" that is their garden.

Give them some sugar free gummy bears. They'll spend so long on the loo that they will never darken your doorstep again. And probably won't knock on your door for trick or treat either.

MrsWinnibago · 04/08/2014 22:51

Agree, giving them stuff will just make them think you're a target, weak and there to take the piss out of. Seriously OP stand up for yourself.

MrsWinnibago · 04/08/2014 22:51

Reminds me of the way small children try to curry favour amongst the popular, or loud or bullying kids by giving small gifts hoping to be let off the target practice.

Original poster
ChristmasYoni · 04/08/2014 22:57

Any treats or toys I buy will be for my own children not the little feckers over the fence. They've finally gone inside at 10.55!

OP posts:
QueenBean · 04/08/2014 23:04

YES to the sugar free gummy bears - that is evil genuis!(OP, need to click on the link supplied by CSI above and read the reviews).

I would also second the high pitched noise thing that only young people can hear.

WarblingOyster · 04/08/2014 23:06

CSIJanner the review about Stu's date with Andrea was an intense read Grin

Fuck being nice to them. Buying those type of children anything will make them respect you less. Get the Haribo bears and slingshot them at their legs.

RonaldMcDonald · 04/08/2014 23:06

try ignoring again if that doesn't work
try speaking with their parents

I know that it is common mn thinking that all lc/wc families are feckless bastards with feral kids but I think that this is generally tripe. Majority of parents would and will be absolutely mortified by learning that their children are behaving in this way
Their house may have a bad garden but that doesn't mean that they are lacking in parental boundaries or skill. Give them a chance to help. Be positive and firm

greenbananas · 04/08/2014 23:08

I'm with budsbeginning on this - and I speak as a playworker who has worked in public open spaces with some mighty "rough" children.

They are just children. It's scandalous that they think this kind of behavior is okay, or that they will get away with it, but turning yourself into the enemy will only make them feel you deserve it, and could escalate the situation. Talking to them, smiling, accepting their insults without anger etc. could pay dividends in the long run.

I'm not saying you should condone their insults and bad behaviour. If they criticise your hair, smile and say "hey, that's rude, how would you like it if I criticized your hair?" - but keep smiling. If they don't get a hostile reaction, they will probably soon get bored of being hostile.

Also log everything... just in case you do end up going down the anti social behavior route - but hopefully they will see the error of their ways.

Only trouble is, if you are too nice, they will be your new best friends, and that could be equally invasive of your privacy...

BudsBeginingSpringinSight · 04/08/2014 23:09

Agree, giving them stuff will just make them think you're a target, weak and there to take the piss out of. Seriously OP stand up for yourself

But op is weak, for want of better word, she came inside tonight.

Mrs, its a strategy I have used many times in life dealing with difficult people and I can guarantee when done with some confidence and smile it does take the wind out of peoples sails.

Your not shyly sliding up to bully saying, here have a sweet...sticking hand out nervously....

Your very confident, in control, " Hi kids...names if known....I have a bag of....x...y...z here, would you like them, my kids have )dentist next week - dont like them whatever) dont want them...cant have...would you like them? " go round to neighbours....so sorry to bother you, just gave some stuff your kids, hope you dont mind, thought i had better check with you...."

all very confident and breezy.

As to the fuck off, just fuck off you do see your giving them the exact reaction they want? it would be far better to ignore than do that....and hopefully they will get bored.

they are looking for a reaction.

fuck off just fuck off....can escalate into a really nasty war.

have you not seen these programs on nasty neighbours, some people, seem to have nothing better to do than target their neighbours for fun....as they are so bored.

if she is going down the aggressive violence route then the only way to win that one is by being more aggressive more violent than them....

so get stocked up on chain saws, shot guns, axes and so on.....for a lady runing in from her garden tonight...doesnt seem like she has it in her to me...but i could be wrong.

morethanpotatoprints · 04/08/2014 23:11

There are some really shitty kids near us, they can ruin the neighbourhood in 5 mins but eventhe worse dc can have a nice side.
I will never forget this one group a couple of years ago terrorising people and cars with snowballs, not just for fun but to cause the most damage.
My friend walked past who happens to be the most wonderful person in the world, a real Christian, who can see the best in everyone.
The whole line of terrors dropped what they had and let her past. I was Shock but then realised it was because she is so nice to everyone.
So, to the point. I agree with those saying be nice, kindly, friendly and they'll treat you with respect.