To think that having some kind of light on in kids room at night dosnt mean your a bad mum?

[superstarheartbreaker]

Both of my recent idiot exes were horrified that dd , 6 does not sleep in the pitch black but instead has a night light and/ or dimmer on its lowest setting. Both of them called me a bad mother over it and both thought I should train her not to be afraid of the dark.

Whilst I think it's great if your kids are not scared of the dark, I also feel that it is human nature to be scared of the dark (historically vulnerable to predators at night) and that kids have vivid imaginations and that there is nothing wrong with a night light.

Also, as a single parent, I have much bigger fish to fry regarding parenting. IMO both were complete controlling knobs for insisting on pitch black and for calling me a bad mum. Uggggrrrr.

Both my two are petrified of the dark.
DS has a multi coloured lava lamp thingy, a plug in night light, a torch by his bed and the main light dimmed...... According to him his room is still too dark...

DD has a lava lamp and her light on full.

The only reason DS is not allowed his light on full is because if it is light enough to read he will read to keep himself awake because when he closes his eyes it is dark......

We also have a plug in thingy by our door and one in the hall so I can see where I am if I have to get up in the night. This was put in place after I stubbed my toe on OH's biker boots.

I do worry about the amount of light in their rooms but it is the lesser of two evils at the moment.

Both of mine have had gone through various phase of wanting light. They've had night lights, been happy to sleep in the dark, won't get into bed without the equivalent if the Blackpool illuminations.

You are not being a bad parent.

I slept with a nightlight or lamp 'til I was 12 or so. One night I was just able to sleep without one. I'm still a little bit afraid of the dark, though! The light can disrupt sleep, but it's better than her being afraid.

However they aren't ideal either.

Why?

I slept with a night light til I was 13! Felt super proud the first night I didn't switch it on. I think my father was relieved the night that finally happened

Now I need it to be quite dark in order to sleep, but I still need at least a crack of light in order to sleep or I get super panicky. I can't see how your children's sleep preferences have anything to do with your parenting ability.

Both idiots!

I used to leave the landing light on, with a very low watt bulb, for my dc when they were small. They grew out of it when they got old enough to not be spooked by noises or believe in the monster under the bed/in the wardrobe or other such shite they used to tell each other.
How can it possibly make you a bad mum when you're simply helping the child to feel comfortable. Take no notice.

They are exes for a reason love ignore them they wont win any parenting award s if that is the attitude

It's not ideal as it disrupts your circadian rhythms/sleep patterns which has been linked to health problems e.g.:
"Harvard researchers also have found a possible link between disruptions in circadian rhythms and diabetes and obesity. When subjects were put on a schedule which gradually shifted their circadian rhythms, their blood sugar levels increased and their levels of leptin, a hormone that causes people to feel full after a meal, decreased." article

Shift workers who sleep during the day are more at risk of certain health problems too, but it's not a perfect world we live in - we're not going to shut down all hospitals overnight so no-one has to work shifts etc. I don't think having a night-light on makes you a bad mum any more than walking on a path next to a fume-filled road makes you a bad mum. Life is more complicated, we don't live in a bubble.

YANBU - I'm in my late 60s and have never been able to sleep in the dark from childhood. On the few occasions I've tried, I would always wake up screaming in the middle of a nightmare. Do what's right for your children and to hell with your exes.

YANBU - as a boot on the other perspective, I offer you my DP. Because he was made to sleep in pitch black on his own from a very young age, he is now incapable of sleeping unless the room is pitch black and quiet.

He cannot sleep in daylight, and wore an eye mask if I needed the landing light on while tending to baby DS at night.

I was never for terrifying children against their will, but even more so having seen what kind of high maintenance adult DP is!

Dd. Aged 8, has started recently to not want her light every night. BUT she had real problems with the dark when younger so we have a moonlight in her wash ag for when we travel, which had been replaced in he room by an ikea colour changing light animal a couple of years back.

I don't mind as she will happily gout inthefull dark, and deals with finding her way I the dark outside her room. But she. Used to need some light to fall alseep without ever being able to say why. We don't think we are bad parents for allowing that.

You are so lucky she will sleep with a night light. My ds 2 is going through a phase where he refuses to sleep without the main light on (despite having a night light ) I turn his light off but he is now tall enough to turn it back on. I agree there are much bigger battles. As long as they sleep who cares if the light is on!

YANBU - DS has a night light at four, ignore your exes they sound like idiots.