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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that having some kind of light on in kids room at night dosnt mean your a bad mum?

63 replies

superstarheartbreaker · 03/08/2014 18:17

Both of my recent idiot exes were horrified that dd , 6 does not sleep in the pitch black but instead has a night light and/ or dimmer on its lowest setting. Both of them called me a bad mother over it and both thought I should train her not to be afraid of the dark.

Whilst I think it's great if your kids are not scared of the dark, I also feel that it is human nature to be scared of the dark (historically vulnerable to predators at night) and that kids have vivid imaginations and that there is nothing wrong with a night light.

Also, as a single parent, I have much bigger fish to fry regarding parenting. IMO both were complete controlling knobs for insisting on pitch black and for calling me a bad mum. Uggggrrrr.

OP posts:
WhyOWhyWouldYou · 03/08/2014 19:32

If dh isnt here i have to have the light on, on the middle floor landing and my bedroom (top floor) door wide open, so that the room is fairly dark but has enough light to see around it!

Andro · 03/08/2014 19:35

Ensuring, as far as possible, that your DD has a good nights sleep? - Good mum.

Terrified DD refusing to sleep, keeping the household up etc when easily preventable*? - Grumpy, tired mum.

*That is in no way a did at anyone who has trouble getting their child to sleep, I know that not all sleep issue have an easy or obvious cure.

rookiemater · 03/08/2014 19:37

DS had a night light on and off for the first 6 years or so of his life. Can't remember being worked up one way or the other about it.

Did either of these men have DCs of their own ?

Purplepoodle · 03/08/2014 19:43

We have the hall light on and the bedroom door open as my 3 year old wakes up screaming if he can't see anything esp if he needs the toilet. My older son was the same at his age. They both have gro clocks which are quite bright.

Vitalstatistix · 03/08/2014 19:47

I don't see why they care. Does it REALLY matter if someone wants, needs, prefers, whatever, a bit of light? Really? No. Of course it doesn't.

There are many things that would make you a crap mum. Lighting up a benson & hedges and saving her 'twos', pouring her a shot of tequila and chanting down down down, popping her in front of the tv for a friday 13th movie marathon ...

but a bit of light at night? Gordon Bennett the things some people get their knickers in a knot about!

Glad they're exes. Who needs agro over trivia like that?

Cheby · 03/08/2014 20:14

YANBU. I was terrified of the dark when I was younger, actually slept with a light on until I was in my early twenties when something seemed to click and I wasn't frightened anymore. But I couldn't have been 'trained' out of it, it was a genuine fear and any attempt to subject me to it further would have only made it worse.

Original poster
superstarheartbreaker · 03/08/2014 20:17

Yes... Both were dads unbelievably! Both a bit bitter about being not able to see their kids all the time though. I wonder why......

OP posts:
Original poster
superstarheartbreaker · 03/08/2014 20:18

Dd has a lovely funky pink lava lamp now. We both like to watch it blob away during story time! There is a lovely, funky pink light too!

OP posts:
fluffymouse · 03/08/2014 20:20

Yanbu.

We use a nightlight. I thought it was standard for young children.

museumum · 03/08/2014 20:23

Totally whatever works.

I'm trying to keep ds in a dark room as I think it's better for your circadian rhythms to sleep in darkness but he's not big enough to go to the toilet in the night. If he needs a light when he is toilet trained then so be it.

ShadowFall · 03/08/2014 20:29

YANBU.

I thought that night lights for young children were very common.

I'm also curious about how one would train a child not to be afraid of the dark. It's not like just telling them not to be frightened works.

FrankSaysNo · 03/08/2014 20:32

Both of my recent idiot exes perhaps you should stop introducing men to your family life until you are sure they arent idiots

Bessiebigpants · 03/08/2014 20:33

My nearly eleven year olds need some kind of night light usually the hall light.All doors wide open.Im not a bad parent and if some useless twat of a bloke wants to use a night lights an example of bad parenting Then I would give him an example of outstanding parenting and tell him to fuck to the far side of off and a bit further just to be safe.

WyrdByrd · 03/08/2014 20:41

Pair of tossers.

DD is 10 next month & just gave her nightlight up a fortnight ago.

I had a nightlight until I was 10 and then from 13-18. I'm 38 now and if DH is away or out late I'll leave the downstairs hall light on, or my LED candles.

Seriously I can't believe anyone would think it was an issueConfused .

hiccupgirl · 03/08/2014 20:45

DS aged 4 has a gro clock which acts as a nightlight. Me aged a lot more has an IKEA colour changing nightlight on the chest of drawers in my bedroom on the grounds that it gives some light on the landing if I get up to see to him in the night.

One of my friend's 4 yr olds sleeps with all the lights on in his room. Now I can see that possibly causing problems down the line but it works for them at the mo. One little nightlight is not a big issue.

greenbananas · 03/08/2014 20:47

How weird, to call you a bad mother over something like that. Just ignore them.

KittyandTeal · 03/08/2014 20:53

My DB (30) still has a nightlight.
Nowt wrong with that his fiancé has learnt to live with it

He's also still scared of thunderstorms.

ilovehotsauce · 03/08/2014 21:03

28 terrified of the dark!

SilentBob · 03/08/2014 21:12

My 16 year old has always, since she was very wee, and probably always will fall asleep with the big light on, lamp on, no light on...it's her (and to a lesser extent my) business and bugger all to do with anyone else. Including my partner. Who lives with us. He has never once mentioned anything re parenting and would get short shrift if he did. In fact, he wouldn't be living here if he did...

Your child, your call. Or his/her call.

hmc · 03/08/2014 21:16

10 year old ds doesn't just have a night light on, he likes the full glare of a 60 watt bulb.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 03/08/2014 21:25

We have a small plug in light on the landing, really only because the bathroom door is opposite the stairs. Dd1 had one in her room till recently, she's 7. Dd2 has never bothered. So what does that make me?

Why is it not ideal? And how is it related to sight? Dd1 has perfect vision and can spot a pin at a hundred yards. Dd2 has long sight in one eye and has to wear glasses.

chocolatemademefat · 04/08/2014 08:05

A night light or the equivalent of Blackpool Illuminations - why is it their business? Lots of kids don't like the dark - I wouldn't know a way of 'training' them out of their fears. They grow out of them in time.

Staywithme · 04/08/2014 08:15

I'm 23 and currently keep the light of the ensuite on because last time I was staying where I am at the moment, the blood man nearly came and killed us all.

Wth is the blood man? Confused

TheCunnyFunt · 04/08/2014 08:17

It's fine to use a nightlight! I'm thinking of getting DD (3) one as she occasionally wakes up at night crying that her bedroom is too dark.

On another note, you aren't leaving the lava lamp on all night are you? They get incredibly hot and can easily overheat and cause a fire.

cozietoesie · 04/08/2014 08:21

We live in the city so there's a general and gentle glow all night because of street lighting outside - if we lived in the deep country, where it really is dark, I'd probably have a nightlight on (if just for myself) to avoid stubbing toes on the way to the loo: just something low level to allow any of us to get our bearings if we woke up suddenly.

Anyway - as a previous poster said, it's not something that I would get worked up about one way or the other. Out of interest, is that the only thing they've complained about? (I'd lay a modest wager that they've moaned about other things as well.) Stuff 'em.