To think if you pay for a surrogate baby that you decide you don't want you should pay for the op he needs.

[sashh]

An Australian couple have paid a Thai woman to be a surrogate, she had twins but one has Down Syndrome so they left him behind and took his sister home.

He has a hole in the heart (news reporting that it is in addition to DS, actually it is more likely part of the DS) and his mum can't afford his op.

Surely the least you can do is pay for his bloomin' op?

Obviously there should have been an agreement with who pays for what under what circumstances but in reality is a poor person in a developing country going to think about that?

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-28617912

www.abc.net.au/news/2014-08-01/mother-of-thai-baby-abandoned-by-surrogate-parents-struggles-to/5642478

[Aeroflotgirl]

Even if you have a child naturally there is no guarantee you will have the perfect baby.

[plinth]

Namechange I'm inclined to agree with you...

but what point is there in forcing a child with disabilities onto parents without the will or ability to deal with it?

I can't see any solution here.

[TheXxed]

The solution is more stringent surrogacy lawsm

[differentnameforthis]

I'm also curious the know what was the agreement with that surrogate mother when she decided to keep the babies.

Exactly, I don't think anyone can comment properly without knowing what was said/decided after the surrogate decided not to terminate.

[Northernlurker]

The whole situation is a mess and it's the fault of the Australian couple. If you want to be a parent then the first step in that is accepting that you have to deal with what lands on your doorstep and very often that's beyond your control and not what you want to see. That's going to happen to you LIFELONG. This is why parenting is so scary.
Sounds like this never occurred to that couple.

[StillFrigginRexManningDay]

Really really sad case, as with the above Tristan Dowes case.

Poor women being used as a rent a womb service is a very important factor here I think. I too have heard of egg buying in other countries too.

[StillFrigginRexManningDay]

Northern I don't think its as simple as saying if you want to be a parent. If a woman is pregnant and wants to terminate she has that absolute right. We do not have any right to force termination on any other woman and thats where surrogacy gets murky, especially when its a less than legal arrangement. How much authority do the potential parents have over the surrogates body?

[sashh]

TheXxed

I agree, and I think it needs to be made international law too. A child was once a privilege not a right.

And I don't mean that to be unpleasant to anyone who has used IVF/surrogate or other way to have their own child.

People need to think through their actions before they take them when it comes to children. I know many of the children 'rescued' from Romanian orphanages and adopted in the west ended up back in care. People saw naked neglected children and quite rightly thought that was wrong, but not all of them considered the fact that a child who has spent time in that kind of institution will have special needs, I hate to say be 'damaged' it implies an object not a person, but just taking a child out of that situation was not enough.

Anyway that was a bit of a diversion.

The bottom line is that things should be discussed and agreed beforehand and it should always be what is in the best interests of the child.

In this case I think it is better that this child is with someone who loves them rather than parents who clearly don't/can't, but I believe the Australian parents have a responsibility to that child. The child exists because of the Australian parents they should be responsible for his medical needs, education etc.

[Hoppinggreen]

It's all very sad and shows how sadly surrogacy can go badly wrong.
I don't know what the Austrailian parents should have done but I don't see how they could have been forced to take a child they didn't want.

[TheXxed]

I am a little agog at the clinical way in which people are talking about this.

[Deverethemuzzler]

But they must have nown it was a possibly when they entered into ths.
None of us 'wanted' to have a disabled child.
However we come by them we can't just sed them back if we don't fancy it.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Not sure what you're referring to, TheXxed.

[plinth]

Devere I see exactly what you mean, but plenty of people do have disabled children who then end up adopted or in long term foster care for whatever reason.

I think the Australian couple should be forced to deal with this child as if it was their own, so if they don't want the child they should be the ones who have to find suitable arrangements for him, whether he is adopted or fostered, in Thailand or in Australia.

What they shouldn't be able to do is just walk away.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

9 fucking years

This story still makes me fume.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

This one too

Sorry DM link.

[Northernlurker]

Giving up a disabled child for adoption or fostering is not abandoning them though. That's a parent choosing how they feel their child would be best cared for and it's a decision they will live with. In the same way choosing to terminate based on antenatal tests is the choice every parent carrying a child has the right to make and again they live with that. What these 'parents' have done is tried to run away from the scenario, not make any care choices and, one assumes, try NOT to live with any of this. You don't get to do that.

[edamsavestheday]

The Australian couple would clearly have been unfit parents to the poor baby, so I'm glad he's not with them. Makes me wonder about the welfare of the baby they did take though - how will they react if she is eventually diagnosed with a medical condition or disability?

Awful to think they've been so cold about renting a womb, buying a baby, and rejecting the one who isn't perfect. I know surrogacy isn't always like that, and parents who want a surrogate pregnancy can be perfectly responsible people, but this is a horrible example of it all going dreadfully wrong.

Anyone who commissions (can't think of a better word but I'm sure there is one) a surrogate should take responsibility for the child they have chosen to bring into the world. Not assume their money is buying a 'perfect' baby. Even if they are crap parents and don't deserve a baby with DS or anything else they see as undesirable, they should be responsible for ensuring the welfare of the child, and paying maintenance, just as a non-resident parent would be.

[FraidyCat]

I wouldn't have dreamt of aborting a healthy twin just to be rid of the other

In a multiple pregnancy a selective termination is possible. For example, I read of a female couple in New York who had a pregnancy with more than two babies following fertility treatment, and had the head-count reduced to two. (Sorry to put it like that, I know how cold it sounds. I was actually a bit shocked at how relaxed they were about choosing which healthy baby to get rid of, and I'm a man who thought he had no reservations about abortion.)

It's done by injecting potassium chloride into the heart of the baby, stopping it. Baby is then "reabsorbed", apparently.

In a UK case I'm thinking of the termination (of a twin with severe heart problems) would have been left as late as possible (34 weeks I think) so that if something went wrong the healthy twin could still be delivered successfully. (UK law has no time-limit on terminations where the baby has a life-limiting condition.)

[Deverethemuzzler]

plinth exactly.
They are the parents of this child so they shouldn't get to walk away.
Some families have to choose residential or long/short term fostering for their children.
I wouldn't judge anyone in that situation.

But to walk away with a 'perfect' child and leave the other in the reject bin, that is another matter isnt it?

If they have the resources to enter into this very expensive arrangement the chances are they have the resources to support this baby and allow him to meet his potential as part of their family.

They just don't want to.

I would like to hear their side of the story before making my mind up but I can't imagine what they would say to make me change my mind.

[Mrsjayy]

This just shows how renting a womb from financially poor woman is morally wrong andshould have some sort of world wide regulation on It. I am assuming the thai mother is classed as th birth mother and they need to adopt the twins one twin didnt suit so was left with his mother its a bloody disgrace.

[plinth]

The Thai mother is only 21 years old apparently.

[PlacidApricots]

I think the australian couple should have the healthy child removed from their care. No child should have to grow up in the face of such predjudiced evil people.

[creekyknees]

Hopefully the couple will be liable for child support payments.

[PlacidApricots]

How can they get their happily ever after and leave that poor baby to die? Cause that is what they are doing!!

[PhaedraIsMyName]

Was the father the genetic father?