To think if you pay for a surrogate baby that you decide you don't want you should pay for the op he needs.

[sashh]

An Australian couple have paid a Thai woman to be a surrogate, she had twins but one has Down Syndrome so they left him behind and took his sister home.

He has a hole in the heart (news reporting that it is in addition to DS, actually it is more likely part of the DS) and his mum can't afford his op.

Surely the least you can do is pay for his bloomin' op?

Obviously there should have been an agreement with who pays for what under what circumstances but in reality is a poor person in a developing country going to think about that?

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-28617912

www.abc.net.au/news/2014-08-01/mother-of-thai-baby-abandoned-by-surrogate-parents-struggles-to/5642478

[AlpacaLypse]

I don't know how testing has progressed in the past fifteen years. When I was carrying dtds, I refused an amnio as it would show only that one twin was DS, at a risk of causing an mc, and I wouldn't have dreamt of aborting a healthy twin just to be rid of the other. In fact I don't think I could have aborted a disabled baby either... very glad I didn't have to make the decision really.

[Kakaka]

I wonder if they would have had trouble getting him a visa/passport? There was a couple in NZ who adopted a special needs child from South East Asia last year and they struggled to get a visa for her. The family were separated for ages and went through a lot to keep their daughter. It brings a tear to the eye.

www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10893706

The Australian case seems heartless. If the child is genetically related to the Australians then would the mum have a case for child support?

[StUmbrageinSkelt]

It is an appalling situation.

The Thai government are stepping in with current surrogacy arrangements though
www.brisbanetimes.com.au/world/surrogate-mother-of-abandoned-gammy-vows-to-look-after-him-20140802-zzq28.html

[eatscakefornoreasonwhatsoever]

And what if something happens to their 'perfect' child inthe and she's not perfect any more? (Mumps can cause deafness, a minor accident could cause brain damage. Life ain't assured). Would they reject and abandon her? Once the life is here surely you're responsible and you love them? This is just beyond my comprehension.

[OneDreamOnly]

I'm also curious the know what was the agreement with that surrogate mother when she decided to keep the babies. Was it that then the DS baby would be her responsibility but she is using the fact she is just a surrogate to get some support that she wouldn't have otherwise? Did she want to sort if 'force' the parents to take the child with them because abortion is so unethical to her?
So many questions. It certainly shows how complex things can be when you use a surrogate mother and important it is to cover all eventualities if you do go down that route.

[KoalaDownUnder]

The Surrogacy Australia website says the following, re: taking a surrogate child from Thailand to Australia:

"Intending parents apply for a 101 Visa from Australian Embassy to bring child into Australia. This necessitates a joint embassy meeting with surrogate, IPs and embassy officials"

Not sure how that panned out in this case, then.

[FeministStar]

I read somewhere that they had used the mother's eggs so he's her genetic child. I don't understand how any mother could leave her child like that, especially not as he is a twin.

[MissYamabuki]

BBC website says that surrogate mum refused to terminate because it goes against her Buddhist beliefs. If that's correct then everybody must have known where they were standing re terminations from the very beginning.

[Lucked]

The whole thing sounds like an unorganised mess. How can they have engaged a surrogate without knowing her views on termination.

Poor poor child.

I bet his parents are terrified waiting for their name to come out. I don't know how they are living with themselves, I can't understand how they have walked away.

[londonrach]

Awful. This child has been split from his twin. In years to come how are these scum parents going to answer the question about her twin. Reminds me of the book the memory keepers daughter. That's fiction and I thought it was awful. These patients are going to miss their little boy growing up... How can you split twins?

[Mammuzza]

Is abortion clearly and unarguabaly legal in Thailand ?

Cos it didn't used to be.

Unless there have been sme strong shifts in cultural perceptions of the choice, a change in the law and a clamp down to the point of extinction on the backstreet butchers (rather than just legalising them and turning a blind eye to the poverty of medical and safety standards) ... then I can't say I blame the surrogate for seeing abortion as a non starter.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

I hope the DD never develops an issue in her life, if that's the attitude of her parents. I hope one day their shitty vile attitude bites them in the arse.

[frumpet]

A relative has lived in Thailand for number of years , they once asked a Thai friend why you didnt see DS children and the sucinct answer was ' they die ' , when questioned further , as the relative assumed they meant that they died as a result of lack of treatment for congential defects , it became very clear that they died very soon after birth

[StUmbrageinSkelt]

Well I think any couple who are a white male and an Asian female who just returned from Thailand to Australia with a baby must be shitting themselves that they will be identified. Even if just by friends and relatives.

[magicmeaway]

Remind me of this case where an Irish couple abandoned their adopted child in Indonesia after 2 years because they failed to bond with the child!!!

m.independent.ie/life/family/mothers-babies/the-curious-case-of-tristan-dowse-26512267.html

[Poshsausage]

Some severe chromosomal problems showed up on one of pur twins and heart problems too and we had toale the tough decision to terminate the poorly one to protect the healthy one so it is possible and they would have known about the heart defect also before at a good guess also a common condition with ds

Sad situation all round but you can bet the Australians would have taken both children had they both been healthy
And it does beg the question of healthcare available for ds and other conditions in Thailand so even though I made a decision based on medical information and not as a mum even I think they have been unfair and cruel

[oohdaddypig]

This makes me so angry for the vast majority of couples who need surrogacy and are desperate.

This couple are revolting. How they could leave their "imperfect" child and take the other? They aren't fit to be parents to any child.

Their surrogate OTOH sounds amazing.

I would take the little mite in a heart beat.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Absolutely sickening. Some people just do not deserve children, absolute gutter dwellers!

[itsbetterthanabox]

If you use a surrogate then you must take the risk that you won't get the 'perfect' baby. Terminating your own pregnancy is your choice. You cannot ask someone else to terminate theirs. You requested that they get pregnant for you so now it's your responsibility whatever the outcome. I am very saddened by this story but not surprised. If one thinks it is ok to buy a human they are hardly someone with morals in the first place. And to use a person from a poorer country in order to pay less is just the icing on the cake. The laws and their enforcement need to change on this issue completely.
I'm very glad the money has been raised for the baby to have the op and hopefully the mother is ok.

[Purplepoodle]

Children are a lifetime commitment, you take them whether they are perfect or not. I can't believe they didn't take both babies, if they really couldn't face having a baby with down syndrome they could at least out him up for adoption in Australia.

[CerealMom]

If the child is not genetically the surrogate's, then wouldn't this complicate residency for the child. Just because you are born in a country doesn't necessarily mean you only have (in this case) Thai nationality. I know it's complicated because of the surrogacy issue, but still - Australian child?

I hope Australia are looking into a case of child abandonment.

[Mrsjayy]

I dont understand how this couple cant be held responsible for their son. It is heartbreaking

[plinth]

Wow this throws up a whole host of problems with surrogacy.

What do you do if the baby/babies are found to have a disability early on in the pregnancy? The couple can't force the surrogate to have an abortion. Equally the surrogate can't force them to take on a baby they would have terminated.

Once the baby is born whose responsibility is it? The surrogate who chose to keep it or the couple who would have terminated it?

And in the case of twins, is it all or nothing? Do you have to take both children or can you cherry pick? If the surrogate had ended up with quads could the couple have taken the one or two they actually wanted and left the rest?

What a minefield.

[Namechangewearingtwohats]

We made the awful decision to end our first pregnancy when our son was diagnosed with profound and life limiting disabilities (nothing like DS).

Further down the line a couple of dear friends suggested being surrogates for us. I couldn't accept the offer as I could not place another woman in the position of making that decision, never mind undergoing a termination if that was the end choice.

I cannot see that commissioning parents have any right to demand or expect a termination, ever.

If you can't accept that surrogacy involves three people in the conception and birth of the child you intend to be a parent to, don't even go there. You can't buy someone's bodily autonomy for 9 months. And if that means you become a parent to a little boy with DS when in other circumstances you might have decided otherwise, then you do it.

It's a good first lesson in parenthood that children are rarely what you expected or in this case paid for.

[Aeroflotgirl]

What if when the twin has grown up and realised what the parents did to the other twin. Some people don't have a clue.