Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To enjoy thinking of my OH with others

61 replies

Notsureifnormal · 01/08/2014 15:34

That's it really. I get very turned on thinking of him being with other women. He knows this and we talk about it quite a bit during sex. I also like thinking about it when flying solo. We have a very strong relationship, are very attracted to each other. We have chatted about making this happen in real life but would both want a complete stranger, never to be seen again so it probably won't happen. This is where the internet comes in handy!

I suppose I hadn't thought too much about this but recently a friend said she had spotted her husband checking out another woman and the thought of him desiring someone else made her feel sick. In fairness, my oh doesn't perve over other women in a sneaky way while I'm with him so it's not quite the same but it got me thinking. Aibu to have this as a major turn on? Is it weird?

OP posts:

Fiddlerontheroof · 02/08/2014 20:31

OH has thoughts about me like this, we are taking first steps to making it a reality next weekend....both of us have agreed to walk away at any point it no longer becomes comfortable...so no, I don't think you're weird! X

GhettoFabulous · 02/08/2014 21:48

It's probably one of the most difficult fantasies to turn into reality. Most women who're into swinging or threesomes wouldn't want to be a bit player in someone else's fantasy. Way easier to cuckold a man.

I'm poly and have had partners who were cool with it, some who were turned on by it, some who were part of it. I would never be in a monogamous relationship again.

thecageisfull · 02/08/2014 22:00

Most women who're into swinging or threesomes wouldn't want to be a bit player in someone else's fantasy

But at least she gets a shag out of it. The cuckqueen is just standing there like a third wheel

GhettoFabulous · 03/08/2014 00:11

Most women who're into swinging or threesomes wouldn't want to be a bit player in someone else's fantasy

But at least she gets a shag out of it. The cuckqueen is just standing there like a third wheel

Some people enjoy voyeurism, and some enjoy humiliation play. Just because you're not into it surely doesn't make it unfathomable that some people do.

GhettoFabulous · 03/08/2014 00:14

Oh, some people are into actual rape play. I'm not into it, but I get that some people are.

OP, you'd probably be better off discussing this on a more niche site. Alternative sexualities and lifestyles don't go down too well here, it would appear.

Original poster

Notsureifnormal · 03/08/2014 00:24

Well see ghetto that's the interesting thing.. I don't view it as having a niche anything, though I know what you mean. We are very normal, no kinky clubs, no being unfaithful, in our 30s, professionals, 'respectable'. And so called normal people like me appear to have these thoughts and fantasies. I think some people might like to assume its only deviants or fetishists have these thoughts becaus they feel uncomfortable at the thought of THEIR partner thinking these things. But look how many mumsnetters are having similar thoughts..

OP posts:

thecageisfull · 03/08/2014 00:49

GhettoFabulous I am familiar with the concept of people being into different things but I think this is a really odd one. I don't know what you do. It seems so extraordinarily passive to the point of boring. I think voyeurism is about the forbidden and the idea of doing something that you shouldn't be doing and the power dynamic held in that. I understand rape fantasies, I think there is a large element of allowing yourself to enjoy something that you have been told good girls don't do and still being able to be a good girl. For some reason I think it's fine the other way around (watching your female partner with someone else), probably because experience tells me a woman can keep going a hell of a lot longer than a man so a man could enjoy seeing his wife rogered by a football team and still have a go himself but for a bloke there is always the worry that he'll run out of steam.

Sometimes when I find things unfathomable I try to fathom them. Is that weird? Maybe I should be a bit more 'Oh, OK then' about stuff but my brain doesn't work like that. It's because I overthink things, apparently, not because 'alternative lifestyles' are an alien concept.

ameliarose2012 · 03/08/2014 22:08

OP you should look up the nancy Friday books. They make for a very interesting read!

SolidGoldBrass · 03/08/2014 23:05

Look, some people can only get off by sitting in a bathtub full of spaghetti hoops while their partners stand on top of the toilet tank playing the bagpipes. What turns you on in your head doesn't matter. If/when you want to act it out, it can get a bit more complicated but isn't necessarily impossible.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 03/08/2014 23:21

I am totally with you OP :)
Dh thinks I am crazy as this little fantasy of mine couldn't be further from his about me.. but I quite like the idea of him with other women, even previous partners. I don't have a jealous bone in me, I am totally secure in knowing he is mine. I have been like this with previous partners though even where the security wasn't so tight so I don't think that means anything.

Its just sex :D

MostWicked · 03/08/2014 23:39

Fantasising and acting on something is sometimes separated by only the thinnest of lines.

But is more often separated by a huge chasm.

I think it is wonderful to have fantasies. The mind is a powerful thing and it can bring an extra dimension to sex.

Whether you act on it or not, is up to you, but if you do, make sure you really talk it through and agree the ground rules and safe words first.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread