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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To enjoy thinking of my OH with others

61 replies

Notsureifnormal · 01/08/2014 15:34

That's it really. I get very turned on thinking of him being with other women. He knows this and we talk about it quite a bit during sex. I also like thinking about it when flying solo. We have a very strong relationship, are very attracted to each other. We have chatted about making this happen in real life but would both want a complete stranger, never to be seen again so it probably won't happen. This is where the internet comes in handy!

I suppose I hadn't thought too much about this but recently a friend said she had spotted her husband checking out another woman and the thought of him desiring someone else made her feel sick. In fairness, my oh doesn't perve over other women in a sneaky way while I'm with him so it's not quite the same but it got me thinking. Aibu to have this as a major turn on? Is it weird?

OP posts:
33goingon64 · 01/08/2014 18:41

Wo ha hang on there everyone. I also get turned on thinking about DH with another woman. However I haven't discussed it with him and wouldn't want to do anything about it. I think it shows you're secure in your relationship.

fluffyraggies · 01/08/2014 18:43

It's in the dictionary:

  • Cuckold A man who finds arousement in watching his girlfriend/wife having sex with another man.*
  • so it's a thing. Not too common though i wouldn't think.
Clawdy · 02/08/2014 17:03

I thought a cuckold was an old name for a man whose wife cheated on him?

EnchanciaAnthem · 02/08/2014 17:55

I'm a legit poster, and this is also a big fantasy of mine. The biggest, probably. It's something I push for us to talk about during sex and as foreplay, it really does something for me. I'm not sure I'd be up for it in reality, who knows, but it's a very fun idea.

Hickorydickory12 · 02/08/2014 18:10

It's a fantasy and like most fantasies, the op doesn't want it to happen in reality. The fantasy is probably the idea of pushing boundaries to the extreme, but knowing it won't really happen.
A bit like some women fantasise about rape. The idea of being so desirable, the man can't help himself. Doesn't mean the woman wants to be raped in real life. Again just pushing boundaries.

Branleuse · 02/08/2014 18:14

have you thought about swinging?

its one of my top wank bank fantasies too

Branleuse · 02/08/2014 18:16

cuckold / cuck queen is more specific i think. The cuck likes the masochistic side of watching or just knowing about it as a form of humiliation.

I dont like it in a cuck scenario, not at all

EugeneKrabs · 02/08/2014 18:20

It's perfectly normal, OP. You are not weird or perverted or whatever else. It's a perfectly normal sexual fantasy. Whether it's mine or whether it turns 99% of MNers on is irrelevant.

Standinginline · 02/08/2014 18:24

Yep ,I have the same fantasy ,usually with women we know. However ,I don't think I could actually deal with partner actually sleeping with someone else regardless of if they're strangers or not. And I'm quite a jealous person as well so quite a odd fantasy to have for me.

ameliarose2012 · 02/08/2014 18:34

Just wanted to reassure you that you're not the only one Blush

Not going into too much detail, but we're not too different fantasy wise

Totally get needing to check you're normal - a lot of things I like I think are maybe not so mainstream lol. If you both like it, then I don't see the harm. Enjoy it Wink

ApplebyMennym · 02/08/2014 18:38

Not unreasonable. Probably unusual but then again I don't know a lot about other people's fantasies!

It turns me on knowing that DH is ALL MINE, personally.

Ragglefrock · 02/08/2014 18:45

OP - youre getting a really hard time - yes I can totally understand this. Would you ever consider swinging? Does your OH feel the same?

Unlabelled · 02/08/2014 18:51

WTAF?

CaptainHammer · 02/08/2014 18:51

I know of a couple who both enjoy each other being with other people.
I wouldn't feel comfortable with it but there are definitely people that are in to it.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/08/2014 19:15

yy to the 'rape fantasies', this is probably similar - enjoyable in the 'head', in abstract, but possibly not something that you'd want to happen in reality. Although I do know a 'cuckquean' (and yes, that is the right spelling apparently). She's a 'submissive'.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 02/08/2014 19:22

I think it's a safe bet that no matter what gets you off they'll be someone else out there who gets off on the same thing

antimatter · 02/08/2014 19:29

not that uncommon but fantasizing about it and acting on it is completely different kettle of fish

Original poster
Notsureifnormal · 02/08/2014 19:29

Nice to get some replies like this. Thanks for input. As for swinging - no, it might seem strange but I wouldn't 'approve' of that for a couple with children (which we are). I think it's definitely a fantasy scenario, though sometimes real life people may feature in 'conversations'.

The thing is, I don't particularly have any mad desire to have sex with someone else, and neither does he. But we really really enjoy thinking about it in the context of us as a couple. There is also very little in the way of jealousy in our relationship and I think this helps.

I find it interesting that so many people thought I was a fake poster.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/08/2014 19:34

Fantasising and acting on something is sometimes separated by only the thinnest of lines.

Consenting adults is the only thing that matters.

SqueakySqueak · 02/08/2014 19:35

It's probably just the tabooness of it.

It's like women with domination fantasies. They like the fantasy of it, but they don't actually want to be dominated where they have no say. That's why there's safe words.

It's like a controlled, out of controlledness I guess.

But to answer your question, no. The thought of DH with another woman just puts me in a cranky mood.

pukkabo · 02/08/2014 19:53

Perfectly normal. It is however a fantasy and probably better remaining that way. I did act on one fantasy I had and it did not live up to my expectations. Nothing dramatic, didn't ruin my life so to speak but it was better in my head.

I fantasise about being the OW with a married man. I wouldn't do it I don't think Wink but it's a nice fantasy all the same. Tis the danger and the treachery I think.

icanmakeyouicecream · 02/08/2014 19:55

I had thoughts like this. We made it a reality. No regrets.

Neverknowingly · 02/08/2014 19:58

Normal for us too but both well aware that IRL I would hate it and he would hate it if I did not hate it Grin. Part of the fantasy is me liking it and feeling that it is done for my benefit (ie to turn me on). I absolutely KNOW that IRL it would not feel that way.

midnightagents · 02/08/2014 20:14

Yanbu, I have it too. Cockhold or something it's called.

SolidGoldBrass · 02/08/2014 20:19

It's a fairly common turn on TBH. Quite possibly because we live in a culture that remains obsessed with monogamy - part of the thrill of such a fantasy is that it's taboo-breaking.

Some people discuss these fantasies with partners and decide to take them further, others find the fantasy on its own is enough fun. The only thing that would be guaranteed to make you miserable would be if you decided that the fantasy itself was eeeevil and there must be something wrong with you for having it.