AIBU to be miffed at gift..

[Squigglypig]

Well I probably am. It's our wedding anniversary. Neither of us have ever been great at gifts and we'd said to each other this year not to spend too much as we've just bought ourselves some new furniture.

Anyway his gift this morning to me was a set of writing pencils. I don't mind that, although I don't use them much.

No, the gutting but was when I read on the side "Squiggly Pig Accounts Lady". I hate the word "Lady" as it makes me think of toilets but worse is fact all he can think to get put on is what I do for a living! I am proud of my job but surely he could have found something better than that? We have daft nicknames he could have used. Frankly he could have written Squiggly Pig Is Awesome and that would have been better.

I don't know, it's not like I'm great at buying presents myself but being defined in his eyes as "Accounts Lady" is infinitely depressing.

We also go out for a meal - solves the problem.

The chopping board was not just a chopping board, it is beautiful and I had looked at everything else on that high street that was wooden. But yes, it's a household item. I'm not sure why his 5 minutes spent on "Not on the high street" or some such place putting in a filter for wood and then 2 minutes thinking of an inscription counts more than me looking round every shop on a high street for something suitable.

Because his five minutes spent on not on the high street was five minutes choosing something for you as an individual. Your time spent trawling the high street was spent buying a household item.
If my husband bought me an iron and couldn't understand my disappointment because it was 'actually a steam generator and is the best kind of tool for doing the ironing with and he had spent many hours looking in various shops for it' he would end up with an iron print on his forehead (well probably not, because I'm not a violent person, but I would satisfy myself by imagining putting an iron print on his forehead).

Happy Birthday pippistrelle, I hope you have a lovely day despite the dress.

I have texted DH along the lines of "sorry I'm being a knob" as suggested upthread. We are going out for a meal tonight. I do think perhaps we need to just reign it in on the gift front for anniversaries at least.

I do understand the part about mentioning your job, I have had similar in the form of a birthday cake for a significant number - it was decorated with things linked to my job, professionally done.

It made me feel like my identity was etched from my job, rather than the people closest to me knowing what I really cared about. It made me feel like they didn't 'get' me and I felt a bit lonely and boring.

It took a while but I had to look past it. I made a few comments in conversation about how there is more to me than my job, not linked to my birthday of course, I also refrained from talking about it too.

You have to think about the sentiment behind it. Tell him that it was a thoughtful gift but that you feel that he sees you as 'accounts lady' rather than you. I bet he doesn't even realise .

At least he tried, don't be too hard on him.

Yes Missunreasonable, and I'm disappointed that his consideration of me "as an individual" appears to consist of my job description. We've been together many years, we have a DD, we have nicknames for each other, we are pretty happy on the whole, we share a lot of experiences but he's chosen to draw on my job for the description and it saddens me that the two words he's chosen to describe me/our relationship is my job description.

Cross post with BlinkAndMiss - who's pretty much got it on the nose.

Aw, squiggly, we can't make you like the pencils, can we. Fwiw I'm another who thinks they are a really sweet, thoughtful gift, but that's not really the point, is it.

If you're disappointed, then he's misjudged what you would like, and I guess that's why your first reaction was to be a bit cheesed off.

I'm glad you've posted here, because I don't think he's committed sin of the century, and it looks like you're coming round to that idea, too. Yep, meal out in future - as long as you don't choose each other's meal...

I cross posted with both of you, and can completely see that the identity thing is probably the main issue.

I really hope you're past throwing them in the bin, though!

Thank you, Squiggly.

I hope you both have a lovely evening out.

I won't throw them in the bin. I might cross out words "Law Lady" and put "Queen of Hissyfits" with a sharpie though.

I think this is a perfectly good stab at a wooden anniversary present - and would have been fine if he'd just out your name (or better still surname as when you have children at school you would not believe how many pencils you suddenly constantly need).

Its the accounts lady bit that is a bit crap (though would have been quite cool of you were, say, an astronaut) I'd get a sharpener blade a la school days and scrape that bit off, then write your first name/surname/kids names in the space.

or you could have it say: squigglypig "is married to an idiot". or something.

I think your gift is fine.

Wood is quite early on right? soon you won't even remember them, don't worry.

You got him a chopping board -that is all.

I think it sounds like a lovely gift.