Not to know where to start!

[Absofrigginlootly]

Sorry to post here rather than pregnancy threads....but most people on there seem to be first time mums too so I wanted the advice of veteran mums! (Plus also seems to be much more traffic on here). Also sorry if there are any threads about this on MN already, but I couldn't find any.....

I am now in my third trimester for our first baby.... Up until now I have been rather in denial that the baby will actually arrive....and to a large extent I still am (we've had a long and difficult road to get to this point - don't want to go into details, but it has caused me to hold-back a lot with this pregnancy and not believe that it's actually going to happen and we are really going to be blessed with our precious, much longed-for baby). Hard to kick that feeling. But anyway, DH is saying that we really shouldn't put off buying baby stuff any longer (we, well I, haven't bought a thing, I've not wanted to 'tempt fate'...and to be honest I haven't even thought that far ahead as I'm still in the 'must try and stay preganant' mindset....)

As a consequence I don't even know where to start when it comes to knowing what we will need!!

I know we will need the basics.... Pram, bedside cot/Moses basket and 'big' cot, and babygrows, nappies etc. But I feel so overwhelmed with the choice and the product reviews on MN have just left me feeling more confused!!
Our baby is due in October....so I guess we will need long sleeved baby grows....but what about blankets or sheets??or a grow bag?
What about a sling?
I'm hoping to exclusively breastfeed (no expressing) so wasn't going to bother buying sterlising equip/bottles etc. But what do I need for breastfeeding....nursing pads, one of those cushions?
I am planning on having the baby next to me in a bedside crib (friend recommended the nct bednest) for the first 6 months, then putting them in their 'big' cot in the nursery in the next room. So I guess I'll need a monitor??

Arrrrgggghhhh I feel stressed when I think about how much we have to buy/do in the next 12 weeks (that it makes me feel like avoiding it for longer!) and I don't know where to start!!!!!!

Help me please!!!

A list of essentials would be extreeeeeemly helpful (no need to recommend specific products...unless you feel there is one brand/type that is far superior to its counter-parts)

And perhaps a quick nod to those things that you were seduced into buying but never used once....so I can avoid making the same mistake!

Thank you in advance!!!!! :)

I think everyone feels like that at some point.

Keep calm and don't panic buy! Babies don't really need a lot of stuff and the marketers make it seem like we need lots more then we do because they want to make a profit off us.

The shops will still be open once your baby is born, if there is anything you need it's only a short trip away.

Don't look at it as if you have to buy everything at once, you don't. Break the task down into little stages so it's easier. Pick one small thing to achieve a day. So day one could be getting a stock of nappies and wipes, day two could be researching buggies and so on.

If you are comfortable shopping online, do it. It saves you time and you can be sat comfortably relaxed on the sofa instead of running around the shops. I think it can be easier to make decisions without the pressure of all the stuff that you can see in shops.

If you have a car, I would start with your car seat. You can make the decision to have a stand alone car seat, or a car seat that fits into a buggy. That will help to inform what buggy you choose.

Is there anyone in your life who you can delegate buying clothes to? This might help to reduce your stress.

If not I would suggest just going for the absolute basics. You will probably get lots of fancy outfits as gifts anyway, so it's best to focus on the simple stuff.

I loved onsies, my son spent most of the first year of his life in them. They come in both short and long sleeved.

I hope you feel calmer soon and good luck!

Book an appointment with the nursery department at John Lewis or Mamas and Papas if there's one near you. There's no obligation to buy but you'll be able to see and handle all the items you might want. You'll come away with a list that you can then have for your reference. You can choose to do your shopping online (try buy cheaper if you can) or just order everything there and then (choosing a delivery date). It's a really constructive way to spend an afternoon and really helped. I went with my DM AND MIL (they are both great!) who agreed with everything the adviser said and I felt so confident in my choices. Good luck.

I was completely adrift with ds.

Buy less than you think you need as long as you have a few basics because unless you are in somewhere like Highlands & Islands you can get practically anything delivered next day delivery. You do need less than you think.

I suggest looking at the categories under 'baby' on ebay. You don't have to get everything from there (I got most stuff from there but I couldn't walk) just to get an idea of what is out there. Then halve it - you need less than you think. I kept buying the bundles of clothes on ebay, got some absolutely gorgeous stuff but ended up with large towering piles of stuff. I changed ds on the bed using pvc cloth for a changing mat, and it was perfect. I had all the nappy changing stuff together in an old biscuit box and it worked for me.

Congratulations and good luck.

www.mumsnet.com/pdf/newborn_essentials_checklist.pdf

Can't go wrong with this! And don't forget you will not be transported to Outer Mongolia and DH or DM can always nip out to the shops if you forget something.

Good luck, and relax and enjoy

I currently have an 11 day old breastfed baby. The only items I have used are the crib downstairs, a couple of blankets, (she co-sleeps at night so the Moses basket is unused), nappies, wipes, short sleeved vests and babygros, changing mat, car seat and pram.

Car seat, nappies, pram, something to sleep in and some sleep suits are the basics. You might find you need a big cot sooner than you think, my baby outgrew her Moses basket in 3 months! Def get breastpads, lanisoh cream and a couple of sleep bras if you are going to breastfeed. People will buy you pretty outfits etc for the baby so just get some sleep suits and something warm - it'll be quite cold for a baby by October. Best of luck for your new baby!

Things I bought for me are: nursing bras, breast pads, lansinoh, sanitary towels for after the birth.

btw - unless you are somewhere extremely remote you will be able to get next day delivery on practically everything. I would go for loads and loads of vests, loads of sleep suits, a temperature monitor for the room, a well padded play mat, lots of gentle wipes and a kindle for you.

I have a spreadsheet I can send you if you like - it's from DC2 so got cut down a lot from DC1!!

There are lists on websites like Mothercare with all the "Essentials" on so you could look at those.

Totally agree that car seat and pram and the biggest/most expensive/ do it first things to get. Once you've decided have a look at Ebay for the pram - mine was £160 rather than £800! (get new car seat for safety).

Clothes etc other people will buy and are cheap to pick up in supermarkets if you need more once baby is born.

My top tip is to get a tumble dryer - you get so many tiny baby clothes into one wash load it's very difficult to hang them all to dry and the faster you can wash and dry the fewer basics you need.

You can also stock up on wipes and nappies (my babies were both in size 3 for the longest time) when you do a weekly shop, it might make you feel like you are getting prepared without a big investment?

Congratulations & happy shopping!

I actually slept in ds room for the first few months (weird set up). We had Moses basket for the daytime when he slept next to me or while I was around, then the cot for night time. It helped settle the routine.

Another thing was we set up the 'routine' (not very strict but same sort of things in roughly the same order at approximately the same time) for night time that included a bedtime story from the first night he came out of hospital. I don't thing ds got much out of the content but he heard our voices and we never had to think, 'well, should we start reading stories now?'

Do you know if people are buying you stuff? You probably won't need to get a fancy outfit, you'll have them falling out the cupboards. It's the vests and stuff that are useful.

I also got a lot more sheets than I needed but it meant it was easy to change them if something spilled as there were always plenty in the drawer.

Even though you're planning to breastfeed, do at the very least consider getting a couple of those little bottles of formula with the teat already attached Just In Case. Some people would say don't do this as it makes it too easy to give up on breastfeeding too soon - but the fact is, feeding doesn't always go to plan and personally I'd much rather not risk being stuck in the house at 3am with a screaming, starving hungry baby, no way to feed it and no shops open nearby.

Many congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope everything goes smoothly for you

I would say pick up as much stuff from your usual supermarket as you can. It takes the pressure off became you are just putting in things with your usual shopping. Use the immanent list above.

The only thing I'd got out of my way to buy in terms of breastfeeding is lansinoh nipple cream. Some people get by without any creams and hats off to them but if you have a tricky start with it, it's worth having to hand.

Immanent is my tablet's attempt at correcting mumsnet.

Thank you all so much for the info and advice.....that mumsnet list looks like a good place to start! I'll also have a look on mothercare - hadn't thought of that.

When it comes to buying nappies and baby grows etc....did you wait until nearer 40 weeks so you had a guesstimate for the weight/size of your baby? Or did you just buy a few in each size (e.g. Tiny baby, newborn and up to 1-3 months) so that you would have some that fit whatever???

I would (and did) buy one small pack of the smallest size (1) one pack of medium and stock up on size 3's. My 2 were in size 3 from 2 months to 8 months (I think!) so they were the best ones to stock up on.

As I only got SMP I thought it was better to buy nappies and wipes in advance whilst I was still working - like a savings account

Just buy a couple of things in newborn and a lot in 0-3 months for vests & babygrows. I have a lot of pictures of babies with rolled up sleeves!

Don't buy many things at all. When the baby arrives you will find that you quickly have preferences on even the simplest things, e.g. Onesies with buttons vs poppers vs ties, or ones that open to the side vs over the head.

Read up on car seats and get the best you can afford. If you go for a carrycot type car seat you can use it for the baby to sleep in as well for the first few months. Think about your needs when it comes to buggies and try a few, try how they fold, check whether they fit in your car, etc.

I wouldn't stress about much else. You can have whatever you want with next day delivery or at a supermarket.

You mentioned a sling. In my opinion slings are wonderful, we love ours so much that we don't use the pram and a cuddle in the sling is brilliant for soothing ds and getting him to nap if we're out. There are so many different types it's worth seeing if you have a sling library near you so that you can go and have a look and feel before you buy one. I started off with a Connecta when ds was a couple of months old but later sold it and bought a Mei tia which is comfier and will fit him into toddlerhood. And we also have a ring sling which we love for short carries and I wish I'd had when he was newborn. Sorry if that's confusing.

You don't need a sling straight away though, you can always get one when your baby is here. Or not, they are great but not essential.

I was in your position exactly 10 years ago. Baby was due Oct but due to multiple ms I just was living week to week hoping to hang on to pregnancy. At 35 weeks I had a growth scan and it suddenly dawned on me that it really was going to happen. However at this stage I was on bed rest in hospital and didn't rejoin the real world until DS was 10 days old.
I had a pack of baby grows a pack of vests and a travel system on order, DS was born at 36 weeks by ecs.
Don't panic you don't need a nursery fully kitted out. A changing mat with a pile of cheap towels to put on the mat while changing. Babies love to pee as soon as you take nappy off, if you don't put a towel under them you will have to do full change of clothing, not fun at 3am.
Bath sling for the bath so much easier than filling baby bath especially when you have had csection.
Top and tail bowl or two plastic bowls, different colours for topping and tailing.
Non bio washing powder for washing baby stuff. You will be washing every day regardless of how much stuff you have! Tip - Fairy isn't as kind as they make out Persil non bio much better.
Insulated mugs for coffee and tea particularly good when feeding at night and a decent water bottle, breast feeding is thirsty work.
And finally hope all goes well, winging it was much more fun, DH had quite a bit of time off after DS was born and we had great fun decorating his room and sorting out what we really needed. Being a new mum was a walk in the park compared to the complicated pregnancy I had to go through.

When it comes to sleeping....did you use sheets and blankets or a grow-bag etc? Baby due in October so guess it will be cold by then...
Our house can get a bit cold at nite (sash windows!) but we have a thermostat for the central heating....so can keep it on a low setting at night.

willdo I'm glad you got your lovely baby in the end :)

An absolute essential thats not on any of the online lists - a carrier/sling -i wouldnt have survived long term without mine and omg was it a relief when i bought it (a few weeks in).

Also a bouncy chair - cheap ones are good because they seem to have the easiest to bounce frames, so even lo wriggling legs and arms will keep them bouncers.

With regards to sizes i bought mostly 0-3months and then bought 1 pack of newborn babygrows and onepack of vest and kept the packaging. That way if lo is born too big for newborn, you can easily return them, but if they do need newborn size youve got some to keep you going, just until dh can go get some more.

Nappies i wouldnt buy many of one brand you may find you hate certain brands and love others. So just a little pack of a couple of different brands.

Pushchair - go and look at mamas & papas Sola - it is by far the best pushchair out there (in my opinion obviously). I was also the only one of my mom friends who didnt swap from their big pushchair to a stroller between 6-12months because my big pushchair was eaier to use/lighter to push than a stroller.

Monitor youll probably be ok without for a few weeks. Initially i had a bog standard cheap audio one but ended up getting myself a video one when lo was 6/7 months. I love it.

Oh and if you go to Tommy's website, they do a free book called "having a health pregnancy" thats got some good information in, including a list of what you'll need at home and information on labour/birth, what youll need at the hospital, etc.

I used cellular blankets initially (they are good for putting over them when strapped in the carseat too) and changed to grow bags at about 6months because lo kept crawling up the bed away from his blankets.

Oh and thinking about carseats, with lo being a winter baby might be worth looking at a car seat rain cover (mamas and papas do a really good one).

Sorry to be completely dim ....but why do you need a car seat rain cover? Is it for covering them in trips to and from the car??
I was planning on buying a completely separate car seat and just leaving it in the car and carrying the baby by hand (or in the pram) to and from the car....
I feel like an idiot for asking!!