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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you are going to insist on dishing out unwanted parenting advice

65 replies

sillysausage712 · 31/07/2014 11:36

You should at least try to do it without being so patronising?

A girl I used to go to school with has recently got in touch with me through FB. she realised I now have a child so the conversation quickly changed to him. we haven't spoken to each other since school so she was asking a lot of questions like "how long have you been with the babies father? I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years I bet that seems soo long to you" I have been with my partner for almost 6 years now...

she asked where I live " oh that must be quite cheap on benefits" yes, I'm sure it would be however I do not claim any benefits.

I was getting pretty miffed at this point so tried to steer the conversation on to herself. she started telling me about her work, she has been helping out in a nursery for 3 days a week for about 2 months now " so if I ever need information or advice I know who to ask" I did the polite thing and gave her a token thank you. A few moments later and I receive a message saying " when little sausage is older you should send him to nursery to develop his 'skills' please don't take this to heart i'm just trying to help because I know a thing or two about what babies/children need"

Now I haven't said anything to suggest he will NOT be going to nursery and if she didn't include the ' please don't take this to heart' crap I don't think I would have been offended.

My child is 8 months old and he is doing just fine, I care for him day in and day out. I really don't think I need parenting advice from a woman who has no children or even younger siblings and only two months of part time childcare experience under her belt.

Am I being too sensitive or would you find this patronising too?

OP posts:
Seriouslyffs · 31/07/2014 12:38

Unblock her for the comedy value- she sounds fun!
You could taunt her by saying he's walking, that you're EBF until he's 8, that he can count to 50 and only sleeps for 10 minutes at a time...

Original poster
sillysausage712 · 31/07/2014 12:41

don't you have to wait 24 hours to unblock someone?

OP posts:
Trills · 31/07/2014 12:45

She sounds very boring and not very clever. Find someone else to chat to.

Unless you're the sort of person who enjoys stringing along cold callers, in which case you could use her as inspiration for a character b your next novel.

Shonajay · 31/07/2014 12:46

I'd pm her back and say oh thanks no need to worry we have been researching nursery since he/ she was born! I'm obsessed. Once we are back from Aruba we will need to get serious about it, the primary school we are aiming for has really high standards. Well done on your wee job must be nice helping out have you,ever fancied teaching? Xx

HumphreyCobbler · 31/07/2014 12:46

I would keep her for the entertainment value. Really, HOW can you be offended by someone so clueless?

TilTheStarsFall · 31/07/2014 12:48

You can unblock her straight away but it will be 24 hours before you can reinstate the block.

She sounds a nightmare!

HumphreyCobbler · 31/07/2014 12:48

The Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias manifesting in two principal ways:

Unskilled individuals suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly rating their ability much higher than is accurate. This bias is attributed to a metacognitive inability of the unskilled to recognize their ineptitude.[1]
Grin
Original poster
sillysausage712 · 31/07/2014 13:02

Humphrey I guess I'm offended because she has just assumed I'm the type of person I have gone out of my way to avoid being.

I'm 22 years old so quite young, Around 20-25 people from our year group now have a children (all girls school) the majority of those girls have split up with the father either during the pregnancy or very shortly afterwards. around half still live with their parents while the other half have now been placed in council houses. everything gets plastered onto facebook from " you're such a wasteman, you're never seeing your child" to " I just can't live like this much longer, im going down to the council offices tomorrow to demand a house"

I didn't want to be a typical young mum ( by that I mean typical for the area I live in) I have been with my partner since i sat my gcse's, we pay our own bills, earn our own money. we do not air our dirty laundry all over facebook and yet still i am seen to be this clueless teenage mum.

OP posts:
Original poster
sillysausage712 · 31/07/2014 13:06

although after writing that down I now see that I shouldn't care. I know I'm doing a good job, who gives a fuck what she or anybody else thinks.

OP posts:
HumphreyCobbler · 31/07/2014 13:06

Sorry Silly, I didn't mean to imply that you were at fault for being offended, of course you are not! It is just that she sounds so stupid...

You are obviously doing a great job, but you do not have to defend yourself and your choices anyway! They are none of her business.

Herecomesthesciencebint · 31/07/2014 13:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NewtRipley · 31/07/2014 13:14

Aw bless her, she sounds like a bit of a twat

Original poster
sillysausage712 · 31/07/2014 13:15

I should ask her to elaborate on what skills he would gain from going to nursery. I mean she knows everything right? so i should get a very detailed response educating me all about SPICE development...

OP posts:
NewtRipley · 31/07/2014 13:15

Please don't take it personally; she's tactless, presumptious and blows her own trumpet

Made for FB, in other words

AMumInScotland · 31/07/2014 13:16

She sounds very ignorant about babies, and very stupid for assuming that everyone else is as ignorant as she was about ten minutes ago.

People like that are very tiresome - they've learned one thing, or maybe even two or three, and don't understand that actually it isn't some form of rocket science that nobody apart from childcare workers has ever known about. So she assumes she's doing you a favour since she's now 'a professional' whereas you of course are as dim as she was before she spent 2 months unpaid doing what you've been doing 24/7 for the last 8 months.

AMumInScotland · 31/07/2014 13:18

If you want to unblock her, just make your responses all "Bless! Have you just found that out? Oh sweetie, yes, that's the way you look after babies. I suppose you would't have known that though since this is the first time you've been around them?"

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp · 31/07/2014 13:27

Oh please do send SDTG reply, it is fantastic!! Then block and ignore for all eternity. She would annoy the hell out of me too.

vladthedisorganised · 31/07/2014 13:30

Oh dear, it would be so tempting to wind her up!

I had a casual acquaintance who has no children but delighted in giving me unsolicited advice about how damaging it was for DD to go to nursery at a year old; how extended BF/ BLW/tummy time every 20 minutes was the only way to go ('your poor DD is a bottom shuffler - oh dear, aren't you worried?') and since then, that I ought to adopt another child so that DD won't grow up as an only child - the horror! (I'm an only child myself). Her killer line was 'there have been studies, you know..'

It upset me initially, but I just kept dropping completely fictional research in that backed up whatever I was doing - "Ah, of course that was thought to be best practice until recently, but Krughopper's study last year showed that (whatever I was doing anyway) is actually more beneficial for the child if they're raised in (a very similar environment to DD's).. It's a specialist publication, but it might be worth looking up if you're interested?"

The mean side of me just liked the idea of her chasing round the Krughopper Child Development Surveys - or better still, quoting them - when they don't actually exist. Your friend may want to look them up herself..? Grin

NewtRipley · 31/07/2014 13:43

vlad Grin

Serenitysutton · 31/07/2014 13:46

Brilliant vlad!

StrawberryGashes · 31/07/2014 14:00

When she made comments like "that must seem so long to you" and "that must be quite cheap on benefits" did you correct her?

differentnameforthis · 31/07/2014 14:35

She'd be blocked by now!

Original poster
sillysausage712 · 01/08/2014 15:36

so I unblocked her this morning for the entertainment value. exactly two minutes later her status was " Bumped into so and so earlier, telling me how amazing I am at my job!!"

I've never known anyone be so full of themselves.

OP posts:
fairgame · 01/08/2014 15:49

god she sounds like a complete prat.

I would be tempted to wind her up a little. Tell her that your not planning on putting DC in nursery because you are concerned about the staff being low paid with crap qualifications and poorly experienced in looking after gifted children such as your DC. Instead you are looking for a highly experienced nanny because you can afford with DP highly paid job Grin

SorryForTheTypos · 01/08/2014 15:56

She sounds tactless and naive but not mean. Nothing she says seems to have been deliberately nasty.

I know hope many of these posts are in jest, but I think it's not exactly edifying to be all "oh I'd say this to put down her job/life - see how she liked THAT".

Not often I get to be po-faced Shock - just thought some of the comments on this thread were mean spirited, although I accept it's late on a Friday and I might be having a humour bypass through tiredness.