To not understand why some parents think that having a tall child makes them a superior parent?

[coppingpandy]

Has anyone else noticed this? Some parents go on and on about having a tall child, as if it makes them better than everyone else, or as if it's because of something they've done parenting-wise.

I have noticed it both on here and in real life.

My DD's best friend has always been a fraction taller than DD, and for the past 7 years since they became friends at pre-school, her mum has not stopped going on about it. She mentions it all the time, as if it's medal-worthy that her DD is the tallest of the pair!

My DS is the youngest in his class, and so is quite small compared to lots of other children who are almost a year older than him. The mum of a very tall boy in his class is always mentioning the fact that DS is small and that her DS is so much taller. Again as if she deserves a bloody medal for her child being tall!

AIBU to think it's strange?

(Cue lots of parents protesting "But my child really is tall)

[IrianofWay]

"Growing up I experienced it the other way around. I was always taller than my best friends and got used to hearing people saying how small and cute they were. I wanted to be the same as them and I felt left out. "

Quite! I wanted to be little and delicate like my best friend I was always a gangling giraffe compared to ber.

[myotherusernameisbetter]

I agree that it is not something that means you are a brilliant parent or coversley a poor parent.

OTOH - A good diet, fresh air/sunshine and plenty of sleep must have a slight impact on people being able to reach their genetic potential? I'm prepared to be proved wrong on this btw - probably just a hang up from being told to get out and get vitamin D and to get plenty calcium or I wouldn't grow properly by my Mum.

That is not to say that all tall people have been raised healthily and all small people haven't just that someone who is genetically programmed say to be average height may reach that whereas someone who has maybe had a lot of illness in childhood, or severe allergies etc may fall just short of their genetic maximum if that makes sense? Or as others have said, just hit their growth at a different stage from others. My OH was mr Average all the way through school but left and did an outdoor physical job when he was 16/17 and grew to 6'2 in a very short period of time. He puts it down to the sunshine, and drinking gallons of milk but my guess is that he was simply a late delevoper. I was always tall for my age and ended up 5'10 which is tall but not excessive.

So maybe people who feel superior about it actually do think that they have had an influence?

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

I'm pretty small 5 foot 4.5 and married to someone who is over 6 foot 6

My 19 month old DS is offs the centiles for height and in age 3 clothes. My 6 month old DD is in 12 month old clothes. I think both will be pretty tall

I don't talk about their height - but I do get very bored of people asking me exactly how tall they are. Several people in my NCT groups also chunter on and on about weight. I hardly take DD or took DS to get weighed - they are clearly thriving and the clinic is a germ factory

This is clearly very annoying for some people who are desperate to bench mark their DCs' weights with mine and compare heights. Don't know why they bother as mine are always the tallest and heaviest. Who cares - it's not a competition

[playftseforme]

I think that's v odd. Dd is tall, because I'm tall! I was very awkward growing up as the tallest in the class, at a time when you just want to fit in. I have now learnt to appreciate my height, but it's a blessing and a curse, and it's not something to brag about.

[Kikaninchen]

The thing I notice most, having a tall child, is that people assume they are older than they are, and expect consequently more mature behaviour.
Lots of people ask DD questions and tut when she shyly smiles but doesn't answer them and then hides behind my leg.

Often people ask how old she is, and then act all amazed, and ask me how tall she is (she isn't actually that tall, and I don't know exactly how tall she is anyway). I started saying "nearly 3" from when she was about 2 and a half because of all the exclamations of disbelief and frequent telling me they thought she was 4 etc.

[harverina]

My dd is taller than her peers and it's always other people who point it out to me. It doesn't bother me that they mention it but it seems to be a starting point for lots of conversations.

It's not a badge of honour but we are all tall so used to the comments

[hiccupgirl]

I don't know whether it is people mentioning how tall their children are or just I notice more because mine is a shortie but I have come across this with a couple of parents at nursery.

It's usually comments like 'wow my child is already is age 6-7 tops/trousers, I can't believe yours is still in 3-4, mine hasn't fitted in those for ages' etc...almost like the fact that they are in bigger clothes means they're more advanced in some odd way!

I'm learning to live with it. Both DH and I are on the short side so DS is unlikely to be 6 foot as as adult.

[AgadorSpartacus]

You find other people tripping over themselves to say something sometimes.

When DS was 6 weeks old he stopped breathing and was rushed into hospital. As I was sat in bits watching my child on monitors a member of staff ambled in, looked at him and asked how old he was. I replied " 6 weeks". She stated " eeh he's a crumper I'd have said 4 months" and walked out.

Thanks for that.

[justanotherbiscuit]

irianofway - myself and my two besties all stopped growing at about 14 so we're all shorties now. My childhood dream came true! sigh...

[Pyjamaramadrama]

Actually I have noticed this. I think somehow tall is associated with better, healthier, growing, especially in boys. It's probably from days if old but still carried through.

I've had someone say to me that I'm so lucky that ds is tall. I do also get 'oh isn't he tallllll', and it's definitely said in a positive way.

I think people just talk rubbish for something to say.

[BeCool]

I have a friend who is 6'8".

Every.Single.Person he encounters (broader than 'meets') comments on his height with 95% of them asking him how tall he is.

Just as well he is a gracious chap - I know I'd be pretty pissed off having my physical appearance so routinely commented on every day by randoms.

[DrankSangriaInThePark]

Love how the OP moans about competitive parents re height and then manages to shoe-horn in about her kid being on a higher reading book than her friend.

Pots'n'kettles, much?

I am a giant, and so is dp. dd is currently one of the smallest in her class. I realise I have failed utterly as a parent because I don't give a shit.

[MumofWombat]

I've had something similar. A friend frequently mentions that her DS (1 day older than my DS) is off the chart for height and weight and 'look at the difference a day makes'. DS has stuck to the 25th percentile all the way. I just smile but in my head I'm commenting that my DS isn't force fed by his Dad who is only the weight he is because of a gastric band. Oh yep, they are setting themselves up for food issues.

[ikeaismylocal]

It just seems like such a daft thing to be proud of as it isn't really effort bassed it's mostly chance. Also a child's height is often not indicative of adult height, I was the tallest in my class at primary school, I started my periods at 11 and stopped growing, I was 5 foot 4 at 11 and I'm 5 foot 4 at 30. My brother was always average for his age and he is now above average for height, dp was tiny and fragile looking as a child but is now near 6 foot.

Ds was a massive baby, absolutely huge and also very advanced developmentally, I felt like I never actually had a baby, he was born like a toddler I was very envious of people who had floppy little doll like babies. Lots of people commented on ds's size and some of the comments were congratulatory, I found it very strange and I'd never boast about my child's size/height.

Ds is now as average as it gets, I much prefer having a child that blends in rather than having the massive comment worthy child.

[exexpat]

BeCool - I know someone who is 6'8 and worked in Hong Kong for years. He knew he wasn't ever going to be inconspicuous, so he thought he might as well play up to it: on his bilingual business cards, English one side, Chinese the other, instead of doing the usual thing and finding Chinese characters approximately resembling the pronunciation of his English name, he just used the characters for Six Foot Eight as his Chinese name. Easily memorable, and usually made clients smile.

[LatinForTelly]

I've noticed this too. Not necessarily from competitive parents, but just a general assumption that taller is better/healthier.

I think it must be a primal thing - that growing well used to be an indicator of health and vigour - and in some part of us, we hang on to that notion as I think myotherusername also said.

Similarly, I think anyone who has struggled to feed their child knows the gut-wrenching anxiety that comes with their failure to put on weight, and to grow. It's one of the most basic instincts in all parents, to feed their child, so possibly the pride in height is an extension of that, albeit slightly misplaced?

However, I do also feel sorry for children who are very tall and expected to act the age they look like. Must be very tough.

[BeCool]

'look at the difference a day makes'
It sounds to me like your friend is making a joke! And you are taking it very seriously, and thinking nasty thoughts about your "friend" and her child in return.
Lovely.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

It's a bizarre thing to compete over. If you are above average height then your children probably will be too. I had a colleague who was around 6'3" and his Dad and DB were slightly taller. He was of the view that they were close to the borderline where being tall is a bit of a hassle and another guy who was 6'7" had to have a different desk and chair as the standard ones were too low. Being tall isn't universally a good thing.

There is one boy in DS2 class who is exceptionally tall, 8-12 inches taller than the other 7 year olds. I have to keep reminding myself how young he is.

[BeCool]

exex that is brilliant - isn't he German perchance?

[Thomyorke]

Ds1 height was always mentioned and at times I felt like having a t shirt printed with " he is only 2, 3, 4etc". Pre school was the worst with constantly being asked why my 3 year old was not at school. I have never heard bragging and height was always used more to explain situations. Downsides have been child meals too small since he was about 8 and needing adult clothes from the age 11 (luckily skinny men and skinny jeans are in fashion) and unable to get small width fitting shoes). For him being treated differently to his friends and peers and being expected to be good at sports when he is the opposite except swimming.

[myotherusernameisbetter]

oh and as for the thing where people assume they are older than they are, it's a pain in the neck and my poor boys haven't been able to go to softplay since an age where they really still wanted to even though they were physically bigger, they are very gentle - probably I've made them paranoid as i was very careful that people didn't perceive them as being too rough. My eldest ended up being bullied as he was too scared to defend himself as he would be the one that got into trouble :(

I had to laugh however when a friend of my son's - he is nearly two years older but is small - he is of a race that isn't very tall anyway and his parents are both small - one early evening in the winter, he wanted my son to escort him home in the dark as he felt safer with him around....I did ask who was then going to escort my 11 year old back home! I ended up taking him back home myself.

[myotherusernameisbetter]

..and don't get me started about the security guard picking an argument with my OH when he parked in a Tesco parent and toddler spot using his Parent and Toddler car sticker when No2 son was 2 and eldest was at nursery. According to the guard, No2 son was clearly school age and he shouldn't be using the space - this despite the fact that it was school hours, No2 son was wearing shorts and a Bob the Builder t-shirt and still needed to be manhandled (sometimes forceably!) into and out of his car seat, so the extra big parking space was definitely required!

I've had to pay on public transport when I shouldn't have needed to as I didn't have proof of age with us, I've felt guilty not paying for him when I didn't have to on entry to places and had people looking doubtfully at me. On the other hand, a friend with a petite daughter used to get away with murder and paid for less things for her child even though she was a year older than mine.

[Damnautocorrect]

I've a sil that did this everytime we saw her, was fine at first but she'd go on and on thinking
"Well yes he will be taller, your about 5ft 8 I'm 5ft 1"