AIBU to think it's not depression - I am just a shit SAHM?

[Itsjustmeagain]

Dh and I were working together in a company we started , I was working full time and we have 5 children- everything was fab.

We lost one of our major clients and to cut a long story short it was no longer possible for us to cover the cost of childcare.we share all of our money and so it wasnt a question of who was paying for it it just didn't add up in total. DH has GOT to be there each day as he runs the technical side of things and there's no reason for me to be there without him if you see what I mean.

I still have to do a few hours a day at home to keep up with some basic admin .

So I am now a SAHM. I was fine with it at first but lately I have changed so much - there is no reason for anything, I shout all the time , can't be bothered to do anything. I woke u this morning feeling like crying because another day had started.

The house is a tip

I love being with the children it's just the endless stream of nothing that I can't face.

I don't even have a car so any trip out is a major undertaking.

Dh is working really long hours (he left at 6am And doesn't cone home until around 10pm).

I was already doing some evening voluntary work which I am still doing but now I'm finding it hard as I just feel so worried and out of place .

I have looked into all possibilities for work and because of DHs hours and childcare costs we are FAR better off with me here.

Dh and his family have been talking about how hard dh has it and how I'm "just depressed".

But Aibu to think it's not really depression it's just being a shit SAHM?

Aibu to say this even though it will upset dh since he seems to like telling everyone how hard he works and how I am now "at home ".

I haven't really any advice but wanted to pipe up that you're not alone. It is hard being a SAHM. I feel better for starting work in the evenings sanity wise but now I'm taking a beating physically! You don't even have that option with OH getting home at 10
Is there any way at all that he could do the stuff that only he can do in the day, postpone things that you can deal with, and come home a bit earlier so you can swap?? Like a relay, I know, but a change really is (nearly) as good as a rest.. Speaking to adults etc.!
You're not shit, it's just bloomin' hard

I did have one other thought, if there is any way that once in a while the younger children can be looked after, maybe when the older are at school: it might be worth having a conversation with a couple of good Temp agencies, and ask whether they have any one-off days' work occasionally. I've done this, it is not necessarily very exciting but it gives you a change and a bit of headspace. The best I ever did was being a guinea pig for people learning how to deliver psychometric tests for HR! Also did mailing and similar - both through Reed.