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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask to move a meeting in 10 months time

42 replies

cinemalovers · 29/07/2014 23:15

I am one of 5 people in a team organising a series of 3 events spaced over 8 months. At a meeting that I couldn't go to, dates were chosen. No other plans have been made at this stage. The final date (in 10 months time) is on a Saturday which happens to be my nephew's 3rd birthday party.

I asked if we could change that date so that I could go to my nephew's party, which will be a big family occasion

Aibu?

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 29/07/2014 23:16

No, I'd say 'we need to move that as I am not in that day'.

Original poster
cinemalovers · 29/07/2014 23:17

Unfortunately I already told them my reason ...

OP posts:
lucidlady · 29/07/2014 23:18

What are the events that have been organised? Not sure if YABU or not - personally I wouldn't but depends on circumstances I suppose.

PeoplesFrontOfJudea · 29/07/2014 23:19

You can request a change but don't be miffed if it's a no go as that's the only other date the rest of the group CAN make. You will have to go with the majority.

Original poster
cinemalovers · 29/07/2014 23:23

They are arts events. Not reliant on any outside factors except our availability.

OP posts:
MaxPepsi · 29/07/2014 23:27

And you are not available. Your reason is no more or less valid than anything they come up with for not being able to do it the weekend after.
They chose the dates without confirmation you could attend. They presumably change or go ahead without you.

FunkyBoldRibena · 29/07/2014 23:29

Unfortunately I already told them my reason ...

And? You are still not in that day.

Original poster
cinemalovers · 29/07/2014 23:30

Well, they have told me that my reason is not valid. I feel really humiliated. I am the only one with children or family living nearby. I wish I had just said I was on holiday or working on something else, but now I feel really judged and stupid.

OP posts:
SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 29/07/2014 23:32

I think it's reasonable to say so if you can't attend that day.

Although - who arranges a 3rd birthday party a whole 10 months early? Confused That's some impressive organisation!

SummerHatOn · 29/07/2014 23:33

I think that depends if you can just say 'I am not available that day'. If Saturday is one of your usual working days then you may not be able to- you would have had to have put in for a holiday day. (Which would most certainly be declined now)

Original poster
cinemalovers · 29/07/2014 23:36

Yes, that does seem a bit crazy. I meant that it is my nrphew's birthday and my brother will definitely throw a big party for the extended family. He is the only one that does that kind of thing - it's not like we do it for everyone's birthdays!

Perhaps I'm being a bit over sensitive and a 3rd birthday party is pretty trivial.

OP posts:
susiedaisy · 29/07/2014 23:36

Is Saturday a normal working day for you op?

Original poster
cinemalovers · 29/07/2014 23:37

It's a freelance thing, so not a regular day. One of my colleagues has a 9 to 5 job so that's why it's happening on a weekend

OP posts:
susiedaisy · 29/07/2014 23:39

Could you ask for the time of the meeting to be changed so it doesn't clash with the party?

MysteriousCircusZebra · 29/07/2014 23:40

No yanbu. You've given 10 months notice that you will not be around on that day.

Maryz · 29/07/2014 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

susiedaisy · 29/07/2014 23:41

Ooh that's good Mary Grin

Want2bSupermum · 29/07/2014 23:42

This is why I always say 'It turns out I am not available on that day. Any other dates work for everyone?'

In this case I would speak to your brother and let him know. He might be able to celebrate on the Sunday.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 29/07/2014 23:45

I don't think you're being over sensitive - I think saying a date is out for you 10 months in advance is perfectly reasonable. It sounds as though everyone else's availability has been considered, so why should yours not be?

iK8 · 29/07/2014 23:45

No I wouldn't ask to change for a 3 year old nephew's birthday party. It does sound a bit trivial. I would ask if we could move it to the Sunday or the following Saturday because I have a prior commitment that day.

But now it's done either do what Maryz does or ask your Dbro if he could move the party to the Sunday so you could come.

Original poster
cinemalovers · 29/07/2014 23:46

Mary that is genius!

I have learnt my lesson- never tell anyone you care about your family. My colleague said she didn't think my family supported me very much so I shouldn't see them on that day. I have definitely moaned about my family, so now I feel stupid, judged and unprofessional all rolled into one.

OP posts:
Original poster
cinemalovers · 29/07/2014 23:48

That last post sounded a bit bitter ... I mean, I can see how this situation is probably my fault. I should have said something else.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 29/07/2014 23:48

It sort of depends on what these events are / how many things have to be co-ordinated to make the dates. Presumably there is a venue to be booked and they have to be spaced out, etc., as well as all the people involved - IME that would make it very difficult to rearrange.
Were you not able to send a list of dates you were / weren't available to the meeting if you weren't able to attend?
I'm afraid if people don't come to a planning meeting I'm chairing, and haven't mentioned crucial information to that meeting, then they have to accept that those who are at the meeting can make the decisions about whatever it is we are planning.

I wouldn't miss something that was important to me - be it work or an interest or hobby - just because one of my nephews happened to be 3 on that day. Nor would I expect anyone else to.

Why not let your brother know that you aren't around on the day of his birthday, but, if he's doing a party, you'd be sad to miss it, so, see if it's possible to host something on the Sunday rather than the Saturday (or whichever day you are double booked for) ?

BackforGood · 29/07/2014 23:49

x posted with loads of people!

iK8 · 29/07/2014 23:49

It is extra tricky if you freelance because you don't want to turn down work or have the client think you don't value them more than a toddler's party.

But what do I know? I've been off duty for precisely 13 days this year although I only work about an average three hours a week from March-August