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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious that dp ignores me when ever he feels like it?

55 replies

Cluelesslulu · 28/07/2014 22:20

Am sitting here fuming. Trying not to send dp an angry text. DP and I live separately and he texts me most evenings that we don't see each other, usually around 9ish. Nothing tonight, so I know he is out whooping it up in the pub, having far too good a time to even give me a thought. Not even a "text you a bit later love, I'm busy". Have told him many times this annoys me, still does it. AIBU or just hard work?

OP posts:
cerealqueen · 28/07/2014 22:22

You are high maintenance. Give him a break. Really, fumimg??

CatKisser · 28/07/2014 22:25

I think you're being hard work, to be honest. He's probably having a few pints with mates! I wouldn't appreciate being expected to reply within a certain time frame if I was out in a pub. Haven't you got something to fill your time so you're not sitting there getting more and more unreasonably angry at his lack of text??

Mordirig · 28/07/2014 22:25

Where do you see this relationship going?

Fairylea · 28/07/2014 22:25

If you know he's having a night out just leave him to it. Surely a night off is fine??

WorraLiberty · 28/07/2014 22:26

Well from the little bit you've told us, I'd say hard work.

Your boyfriend is having a night at the pub that's all

He'll probably text you later if he remembers but if he doesn't, is it really a big deal?

Why don't you text him if it's this important to you?

MrsKCastle · 28/07/2014 22:26

Turn it around- my DP expects me to text them every night without fail, no matter what I'm doing. If I don't do this, they make a point of telling me how annoyed they are.

Post the above and see how long it takes for your behavior to be called 'controlling'.

Yes, yabu.

Original poster
Cluelesslulu · 28/07/2014 22:26

Are you one of his mates, lol?

OP posts:
backbystealth · 28/07/2014 22:27

How old are you?

FunkyBoldRibena · 28/07/2014 22:27

Why does it annoy you? Why must you have a 9pm text every night?

Am I missing the point? Is there a point?

Treaclepot · 28/07/2014 22:29

I would never text on a night out, I think that's very controlling behaviour.

hoobypickypicky · 28/07/2014 22:29

Is this serious? Or is it a reverse AIBU?

If it's serious, YABU.

When I read your title I thought you meant that he was in the room and genuinely ignoring you, not that he normally texted you every night and had the bare faced cheek not to send you a message because he was out in the company of friends.

To be blunt, I wouldn't be surprised if his friends feel sorry for him.

MsVestibule · 28/07/2014 22:29

Hard work, definitely! He's out at the pub with his mates and he forgets, or just doesn't want to text anybody. Even you. I would never heve expected a boyfriend to text me when he was on a night out. Why would I? And I'm far from a 'cool wife'.

Original poster
Cluelesslulu · 28/07/2014 22:30

Maybe not enough info. He goes to the pub every night. Usually back by 9pm. He is the one who insists on texting me, even though I've asked him to call instead, as when he's had a few pints he misreads my words and gets angry easily. Then some nights, like tonight, will just not bother, hence Im wound up. Have a very full life myself, so I'm tired and want to go up to bed but know he'll text eventually and wake me up.

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 28/07/2014 22:31

Turn your phones off and go to bed?

ilovesooty · 28/07/2014 22:32

Good grief. Is the OP serious?

Cornflakesnmilk · 28/07/2014 22:32

It all sounds a little immature to be honest.

he is out whooping it up in the pub, having far too good a time to even give me a thought Really? This does make you sound like hard work.

It all sounds v controlling. I find it incredible that adults behave in this manner whilst in a relationship. Why is it such a big deal whether he sends a text or not/sends a text at 10pm rather than 9pm? What do you think it says about how he feels about you/the relationship?

CatKisser · 28/07/2014 22:33

Sounds a bit shitty, what with drunkenly misreading texts and getting angry. I agree with Funky turn your phone off - what's the point of this bullshit hassle?

Cornflakesnmilk · 28/07/2014 22:33

Put your phone on silent or switch it off.

5Foot5 · 28/07/2014 22:34

Going off at a tangent a bit here, but at what point in a relationship do you decide someone is your "partner" when you don't actually live together?

Original poster
Cluelesslulu · 28/07/2014 22:35

I have turned my phone off and am off to bed shortly, he'll be angry though, that when he texts I don't reply. So I'll have some sulking tomorrow.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 28/07/2014 22:35

Turn your phone off then.

This is a bit bonkers tbh. I don't think I have ever wasted a whole evening of my life wondering if someone would text me.,

parakeet · 28/07/2014 22:35

You asked for our opinions, so here is mine: you have a deeply unhealthy relationship. It is not normal for people who do not live together to feel they have to speak or text each other every evening.

WorraLiberty · 28/07/2014 22:36

He's probably just decided to make a night of it instead of getting home for 9pm.

Either way, if my DH texted me while I was at the pub for any reason other than one of the kids had lost a limb, I wouldn't be happy about it.

LittleBearPad · 28/07/2014 22:36

So switch your phone off and go to bed. Problem solved

HotDogJumpingFrogAlburquerque · 28/07/2014 22:36

Phone on silent, then go to sleep.

Hopefully in the morning with a clear head you'll realise that you are either being very high maintenance, or there's a back story that is causing this and you should just DTF and move on.