To think that 'equal' parenting is a myth

[zoeymlucas]

Me and DH both work part time on alternative days, I also work from home some evenings doing private work for additional money as an accountant. We split all money 50/50 after the deduction of all bills and money for children.
However today he had a strop as he is going out with his mates to the pub tomorrow at 5.00 (it's my work day so it's his day of being home with boys) and I won't be home from work till 5.30 so I should of arranged childcare! It is always expected of me to sort childcare, shopping, bills, uniforms, lunch boxes, dinners on days we are both home, days out etc etc so how the hell are we equal parents sharing everything?
Does actual equal parenting happen or is it a myth we are told

He's having a strop about half an hour? Seriously???

DH and I check with each other when we have evenings out and discuss the options between us.

Yes it can and does happen, but both parents need to consider gruntwork as neccessary

Have a think about how your roles have evolved - what caused you to take on your list? Some things are convenient, say drycleaning as your office is next street to one, others are unthinkingly undermining of the other partner, like one thinks the other's idea of pack lunch contents is just AWFUL so takes over

??

Equal parenting does exist (dh and I for one!), however this situation you describe is not equal.

In answer to your question, it's myth.

But I think you have a bigger and better question to ask: how do you get through life with a husband who seems to behave like a child?

YABU it's not a myth, my husband and I are equal parents.

I'd like to think it is, but from my position it is not at all.

I always work Tuesdays so it not new, I have no issue with him going will be glad of the peace but he needs to sort all aspects of it not a half arsed job sorting what suits him.
I tend to do stuff as he literally doesn't think and it's more hassle chasing him around to do it

It can work, but the groundrules need laying down early on.

What is 'equal parenting' and how does it work?

Can you ask him to do the kids lunches?

Equal parenting?! I thought it existed until we had DD who is now 8 weeks old. I still do washing, bathing, cleaning, driving etc. OH cooks dinner which he thinks means he's pulling his weight. Ido majority (all) of the childcare stuff

Surely he should know what time you get home from work by now and in my opinion its his night out so therefore he should be arranging any needed childcare, no?

It doesn't sound very equally split to me. Some of the things you mention happen in our house although I am a sahm and DH works full time so we are in different circumstances to you. I sometimes wish DH would show a bit more interest in say school things concerning DS although he is the 'worker'.

I'd just say "I'm usually home at this time, it's your night out...if you can't stand to be a little bit late then you need to arrange childcare".

The younger 2 are only 3 and 1 so when I am at work he tells the 11 year to do his lunch himself which results in crisps and rubbish!
If we are both home he never cooks and despite both being off all weekend he asked if I had washed his trousers this morning- nope I hadn't as he was perfectly capable of doing a wash

It happens in our house.

As well as time spent with the dc it entails both of us knowing what is going on with school, nursery, appointments, food, their development etc.

It wouldn't occur to dh to leave all of the parenting to me. It wouldn't occur to me to take it all on.

OP I hope you arent actually sorting any childcare for that half an hour. Go out to work as normal, return as normal. If he needs 30mins childcare then he can sort it.

It's not a myth, I think we have a very equal set up. DP would never expect me to organise childcare while I was at work because he wanted to go out, that's pretty bizarre.

I probably do more organising of some things (birthday parties, doctor's appointments) but he does more of other stuff (making packed lunches, paying bills).

Nope I am not sorting childcare and told him he needs to arrange it otherwise he will have to wait till I get home.

It's not a myth. Not at all.

But imo it does depend a lot on what hours you both work and who is around most during the hours the kids are awake.

Good on you OP!

Equal parenting can and does exist.

I have it with my husband; if in being honest, he does more than me but I do more of the organising and planning.

We both work full time, I sometimes work shift, and both of us have to work away at times so the only way we can make it all work is to share all of the burdens equally.

I work all day Tues, wed and Thursday and he works Mon, fir and alternate sat and Sun so 3 days each. I also do a lot of work when boys are in bed for private clients as well as I have been doing an access course in evenings to become a midwife as I hate my job. So I think we are very much spending time with boys

I think thurlow makes a good point which I think def fits my/DH situation.

I consider our set up as equal as housework/appointments/bills etc are done by both of us. But as I said upthread DH just doesn't think to ask about or look for any letters brought home from school etc and that's my only qualm.

I think it's a myth because two people trying to sort childcare and DCs the diaries would just duplicate things and get in a muddle.

Likewise I've never worked out how people do their own laundry, without lots of wasteful part loads and line left to dry school uniform.

What is 'equal parenting' and how does it work?

For me it means that neither DH or I could honestly say we are DS's primary carer. We both do just as much of the work, facilitated by the fact that we live somewhere where parents get equal amounts of parental leave. DH has been working part-time since DS was born (15 months ago) but is still on full pay.