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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want SIL to keep commenting on my weight and figure?

44 replies

chocohoop · 28/07/2014 11:09

I am a size 10. SIL is a size 20-22.

All she does when we see her is go on about my size and weight, and it is starting to really piss me off. After I'd had each of the DCs she kept making jokes about me still looking pregnant and asked me how I was going to lose the weight.

I exercise regularly, but she does things such as make suggestions for classes I could go to, or celebrity workout DVDs I could do, because "wouldn't it be lovely to have a figure like her". She also goes on a lot about mutual friends' figures and saying how slim and attractive they are. SIL herself does no exercise at all.

She always has a disapproving air about her when she looks at me, and can never give me a compliment. She always says things in sort of caring tone, as if she is being kind in suggesting ways that I can improve myself.

AIBU to be pissed off with her?

OP posts:
amyhamster · 28/07/2014 11:12

She wants you to have a figure like hers?

Soggysandpit · 28/07/2014 11:15

Did you get those sizes the wrong way round?

Player67 · 28/07/2014 11:15

She sounds jealous

Original poster
chocohoop · 28/07/2014 11:17

No, Soggy. I'm a 10, SIL is a 20-22.

DH thinks that she is probably jealous of me. I just find it annoying as I'm not an overly assertive person, and she is the type of person that if I said anything back would be mortally offended and would act as though I'd just attacked her when she was only being nice, so I don't bother.

OP posts:
Original poster
chocohoop · 28/07/2014 11:17

I had a dress on recently when she popped round and the first thing she said to me was that I could do with a pair of Spanx on under the dress!

OP posts:
amyhamster · 28/07/2014 11:19

I'd just say 'oh when are you going to start exercising & dieting' that'll shut her up

stripedtortoise · 28/07/2014 11:19

huh? She sounds nuts!

Teddybeau1988 · 28/07/2014 11:20

She's putting you down to make herself feel better. Your totally justified to give her some constructive criticism back.

rootypig · 28/07/2014 11:22

A direct look, a nice smile, and "please could you stop commenting on my weight, I don't like it at all".

Then go back to whatever you were discussing before.

Staryyeyedsurprise · 28/07/2014 11:22

or celebrity workout DVDs I could do, because "wouldn't it be lovely to have a figure like her"

Like who - the celebrity or SIL?

I'm trying to think of some positive thing she might mean...re the spanx, they are good for "smoothing out" so she might not necessarily mean you look tubby but a slim fitting outfit might need different underwear? She sounds a bit deluded tbh.

Wonc · 28/07/2014 11:25

I would laugh mockingly.

And then ask, with raised eyebrows, "are you joking?"

Vitalstatistix · 28/07/2014 11:26

seriously?

just tell her you are happy as you are.

Wickedwaterwitch · 28/07/2014 11:28

She is definitely jealous! I'd say "I'd prefer not to all about weight, thanks"

Wickedwaterwitch · 28/07/2014 11:28

talk

Bluebelljumpsoverthemoon · 28/07/2014 11:30

Next tim

MaidOfStars · 28/07/2014 11:31

She is trying to create collusion in her aspirations to be thin and fit. It means she doesn't feel so bad about it, if she can share impart those aspirations (and perhaps the difficulty in achieving them) onto you.

MaidOfStars · 28/07/2014 11:31

share

ChelsyHandy · 28/07/2014 11:31

She always has a disapproving air about her when she looks at me, and can never give me a compliment. She always says things in sort of caring tone, as if she is being kind in suggesting ways that I can improve myself

My SIL is exactly the same! In fact, I have two of them...
I'm a similar size to you and the SILS are size 18-22 ish.

They like to talk to me patronisingly about how I will put on weight when I stop dieting (I'm not on a diet and my weight has been stable all my life) and make remarks about me shopping for "weird sized clothes that don't fit normal people". One of them likes to lecture me on how to eat nutritiously, the other on how best to exercise. Both are very inactive and unfit, whereas I run.

tbh I avoid them as much as my possible, I have nothing in common with them, and they aren't very nice people!

CalamityKate1 · 28/07/2014 11:31

She probably is jealous but that doesn't mean that there isn't an element of cowishness to her comments.

If she feels she can say what she likes to you then I don't see why you can't have the same freedom.

Or just look her up and down with an incredulous, amused expression then look her straight in the eye and say "Really?!"

MaidOfStars · 28/07/2014 11:32

Her: Wouldn't it be lovely to have a figure like her?
You: Aye, I'm not too far off, mind.

Bluebelljumpsoverthemoon · 28/07/2014 11:36

Next time agree with her, "I know I'm so fat, at least I'm not a 12 though, if I was that big I'd be too embarrassed to leave the house. I don't know how people can let themselves get huge, do you know x is a size 20? She must eat for ten and never move". She'll never mention your weight again.

MummyBeerest · 28/07/2014 11:38

I'd ask, "why exactly do you care?" (Fair question)

That'd be the end of it.

PostmanPatAlwaysRingsTwice · 28/07/2014 11:46

Obviously the SIL is an idiot but let's not turn this into a thread consisting of various ways to insult overweight women.

Icelollycraving · 28/07/2014 12:18

What postman said. I am a size 20,I don't mention weight in a negative way to anyone. The same can't be said about other people. She is jealous,call her on it but don't be a bitch back. You won't feel good in the long term.

CoffeeTea103 · 28/07/2014 12:26

It sounds like she's jealous and very insecure and projecting this, but that doesn't give her any leeway to treat you like this. I would confront her and tell her she should be the last person dishing out advice on weight.