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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want SIL to keep commenting on my weight and figure?

44 replies

chocohoop · 28/07/2014 11:09

I am a size 10. SIL is a size 20-22.

All she does when we see her is go on about my size and weight, and it is starting to really piss me off. After I'd had each of the DCs she kept making jokes about me still looking pregnant and asked me how I was going to lose the weight.

I exercise regularly, but she does things such as make suggestions for classes I could go to, or celebrity workout DVDs I could do, because "wouldn't it be lovely to have a figure like her". She also goes on a lot about mutual friends' figures and saying how slim and attractive they are. SIL herself does no exercise at all.

She always has a disapproving air about her when she looks at me, and can never give me a compliment. She always says things in sort of caring tone, as if she is being kind in suggesting ways that I can improve myself.

AIBU to be pissed off with her?

OP posts:

Cookiepants · 28/07/2014 12:30

Next time she suggests a DVD offer to do it together? Maybe she wants to look like you and is just going an arse- backwards way about it?

Littleturkish · 28/07/2014 12:31

Sounds awful!

I would turn it on her- if she suggests doing a DVD, say, oh would you want to then? I actually like my figure as it is.

The spanx thing- 'do you find that works? I never bother as I'm happy as I am, I'd rather be comfortable'

It is perfectly ok and not big headed to just say 'I don't need that, thanks!'

You don't need her approval. She sounds deeply messed up.

Mintyy · 28/07/2014 12:36

Is it possible to spend less time with her? She sounds terribly boring.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 28/07/2014 12:44

Your SIL sounds bonkers and very rude. Assuming she is not blind, surely she knows that she is very overweight and you are not? Even if you haven't mentioned that your 4 foot nothing and she's 6 foot 6?

It's not a cry for help is it? As in she wants to diet and exercise but feels she can't do it on her own?

Could you suggest going to classes, running, walking, biking etc together? Share ideas on healthy food, not necessarily diet food, just normal healthy food?

If that doesn't work, just ignore her.

Suzannewithaplan · 28/07/2014 12:48

Perhaps it is her way of dealing with being fat, she has convinced herself that she is normal and slim people are not normal?

In a sense she is correct, ie it is more common to be overweight than to be slim.

MaryWestmacott · 28/07/2014 13:02

does she mean you want to look like hte celeb on the DVD? That does seem to be an element of leading you into saying the sort of thing that she thinks you should be thinking - so she can say "poor chocohoop, she isn't happy with her body, she wants to look more like Davina" etc. Trying to push you into saying that you unhappy with the way you look so she can concivnce herself you are also miserable in your body, or that while you might be thinner, you are to be pitied because you're not happy with the way you look, whereas she's happy and proud of hers.

Don't rise to it so a simple "no, I'm happy as I am" or if she suggests classes ask "have you done that one, what was it like?" just don't fall into the trap of insulting yourself.

She's probably very very insecure about her body shape, and so can't help but notice everyone else's - and so if it's something she's thinking about, it will slip into conversation about those woman.

Try to feel sory for her rather than upset by it, it's nothing to do with your body, it's all about hers.

NewtRipley · 28/07/2014 13:05

Say

"I am happy with myself. How about you?"

Keep saying it

chipshop · 28/07/2014 13:19

My DM does this to me, I feel your pain. She's a size 18, I've recently got down to a 10, I'm tall and my BMI is 22. She gave me a top she decided she didn't like last week, a size 16. I said it might be a bit big and she looked nonplussed. Keeps talking about "our awful figures" and how we have a problem with our thighs and bums. Mine are nice and gym toned now thanks very much! I just don't engage and change the subject. DP says I look hot so she can shove off.

ROARmeow · 28/07/2014 13:49

She sounds deluded. Have you mentioned it to your DH? Was she always this bonkers?

You seem very restrained, OP. I would have told her to eff off long before now. Long long ago.

Mordirig · 28/07/2014 13:56

Just tell her to shut up.
Ask her if there is anything else she feels able to talk about because quite frankly you find her tedious.
I am a size 26 btw and I don't talk the ears of everyone about my weight,, she is just a boring mare by the sounds of it.

ChangelingToday · 30/07/2014 23:44

I get this from my sister who is very hung up on weight too. When I was heavily pregnant she came to visit and took great delight in emailing a picture of me in my dressing gown to our cousins saying look how huge she is ha ha. It killed her when I got back down to my prebaby weight. It's jealousy.

mimishimmi · 31/07/2014 00:22

Whenever my SiL is feeling self-conscious about her weight (she's quite heavy at times, understandably after two kids and being halfway through her third pregnancy) she always starts commenting on my 'small eyes'. I do know it's not one of my best features but it irks me that she makes negative comments about my appearance to make herself feel better.

Deluge · 31/07/2014 00:28

The mature thing to do would be to say firmly that you would rather she didn't comment on your weight/figure and leave it at that.

I'd be tempted to snipe back at her, though, I admit immature

I worked in an office full of very overweight women who constantly commented on my figure, what I was wearing etc in slightly disapproving, put-down-ish tones (I'm a size 12, by no means a model type) and often bitched about the looks of other (much more attractive!) women. It was so wearing, but can only be about jealousy and insecurity. Sad.

Happydaysatlastforthebody · 31/07/2014 00:33

Good grief who cares. She sounds a boring fucker.

Maybe you should tell her so.

Happy36 · 31/07/2014 00:37

She is jealous and insecure. Ask her politely, in front of others if it's possible, to stop comnenting on your physical appearance.

sykadelic · 31/07/2014 01:09

"I've noticed you seem overly concerned with my weight... why is that? I find it pretty hurtful to be honest and would prefer you not to say anything."

Wooodpecker · 31/07/2014 12:20

She's clearly jealous but I think you know that. Just tell her your happy blah blah.

Wooodpecker · 31/07/2014 12:22

She's clearly jealous but I think you know that. Just tell her your happy blah blah.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 31/07/2014 12:36

I'm rather insecure about my weight and struggle to get it off, but I've
never put down my skinnier friends to make me feel better.

My weight, my problem and when I'm in a better place to deal with it, I'll deal with it, it's no one elses responsibility.

Just tell her you love your figure and have no desire to change it.

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