Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to allow DD this freedom?

49 replies

isthisanacidtest · 27/07/2014 09:10

Rather than hijack another thread I thought I'd ask.

DD is almost 16 and DS is almost 24.

I allow her to go on a train to DS by herself. It's 1hr 20 mins on the train, direct from train station to train station and DS lives 2 mins walk from the train at the other end. 5 min walk at this end.

She has been known to text me on a Friday lunchtime and say "Can I go to DS's for the weekend? He says it's ok" and if I get an OK from him I come home to an empty house Grin. They then do whatever they do for the weekend and she comes home on the Sunday night.

Is she too young?

OP posts:
deakymom · 27/07/2014 09:12

no i was catching the train to college at that age and my dd was catching the bus to school in a different county when she was younger

MagratsHair · 27/07/2014 09:12

I don't think so no.

It depends on the individual child rather than the age sometimes. If she is sensible & has common sense then I don't see why not.

Idontseeanyicegiants · 27/07/2014 09:13

YANBU I think it's great Grin you obviously raised 2 sensible trustworthy children and I don't see an issue.

amyhamster · 27/07/2014 09:14

Sound great !
How lovely they get on so well

Droflove · 27/07/2014 09:14

No, she's not too young. But I hope she is a sensible 16 yr old because that freedom could easily be abused. Only you can judge that. I was in college with total freedom at 17.

FrankSaysNo · 27/07/2014 09:17

Why would you think it was too young?

CaptainCorellisVentolin · 27/07/2014 09:17

YANBU at all. I was 17 when I backpacked through Europe for 5 weeks....and I am pretty sure I was very independent at 16 as well.

As they say, all children are different but your DD sounds like a confident young woman who feels happy to make that - not very long!- train journey to see your DS.

Breathe.....and let your DD spread her wings!

Wherediparkmybroom · 27/07/2014 09:19

I was using the trains alone at 14, including the underground and changing don't worry about it.

Original poster
isthisanacidtest · 27/07/2014 09:21

She is very sensible and so is he.

She does a sport on a Saturday and the training is near his house - so she's at training most of the Saturday.

Saturday night they usually do something together with his flatmate - who treats her like an honourary (sp?) wee sister. They might go to the cinema or go for a bite to eat. I have no worries that she's at nightclubs or anything like that! DS wouldn't allow it!! And she comes up home on the Sunday.

Sometimes she just goes down for the Friday night to have longer in bed in the morning before she has to go to training Grin

OP posts:
MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 27/07/2014 09:25

Of course she isn't too young - she's technically old enough to move out! She is telling you where she is going, it is to her grown up brother, and he is confirming she's there, so she's not using it as a cover story to go out with a dodgy group of mates all night or anything.

When I was 16 I flew to Malaysia on my own to stay with a school friend who had moved out there for 2 weeks - my flight back was delayed and I ended up sleeping in Amsterdam airport on the stand by list, having missed my connection. Probably stressful for my parents but I had a brilliant adventure and learn a lot without ever really being worried. 16 year olds are capable of an awful lot.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 27/07/2014 09:27

Definitely not BU. It sounds like a good half away house to her doing things more independently.

penguinplease · 27/07/2014 09:31

Surely this is fine? I'll never get any peace otherwise.

Fwiw I lived in a house share at 16.. I didn't ask anyone's permission to do anything.

ChoccaDoobie · 27/07/2014 09:32

Op I moved to America when I was 16 and didn't see my parents for a year! She sounds great. I loved visiting my older brother when I came back and was often gone for a week. It was great! Your kids sound fab.

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 27/07/2014 09:40

tbh, I'm amazed you feel the need to ask, and I wonder what has prompted the question. Has someone in RL been critical?

Unless they have additional needs of some sort, I would think any teenager from about 13 should be able to manage this, especially in an era of mobile phones.

ilovesooty · 27/07/2014 09:52

It all sounds great to me. You obviously have lovely children who have a great relationship.

Original poster
isthisanacidtest · 27/07/2014 10:05

No one has said anything, not in RL, well not to my face Grin but there was a thread on here that made me doubt myself.

Thanks all. Flowers

OP posts:
Frontier · 27/07/2014 10:10

No I would think there was something wrong if a 16yo couldn't do that journey. In fact I'd argue that by 16 you're letting them down if they haven't done such a trip alone once or twice. Here many children are doing that kind of trip to school by 11yo

I know the thread though Grin

backbystealth · 27/07/2014 10:27

Of course it's not too young! She's 16!!!!!

backbystealth · 27/07/2014 10:27

I'd be happy for my 13 year old to do this.

londonrach · 27/07/2014 10:33

No she be ok. Learning to be in dependant is important. As long as it's not late when she travels and she or ds phones when she arrives. Just be careful she doesn't talk to strangers on canal boats... Grin

MissDuke · 27/07/2014 10:41

Sounds good to me, as others have said it sounds like you have raised two fantastic children, who get on well. As the mother of three (young) children constantly fighting, I hope and pray I can say the same someday lol!

mollypup · 27/07/2014 11:27

She isn't too young. I was festival'ing and h

mollypup · 27/07/2014 11:28

FGS.

I was festivaling and holidaying at 16 and thoroughly enjoyed it!

ethelb · 27/07/2014 11:32

Fucking seriously?

I was crossing London to get to school on trains from 11 and at 16 took my 8 and 12 year old sisters on the train to our grandparents over an hours train journey away. TBF 11 as a little young but 16 is practically adult!

Mrsjayy · 27/07/2014 11:36

16yr olds are working at 16 my dd went to london her self twice from scotland of course she isnt to young , btw ithink its lovely she spends time with her brother

Swipe left for the next trending thread