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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to allow DD this freedom?

49 replies

isthisanacidtest · 27/07/2014 09:10

Rather than hijack another thread I thought I'd ask.

DD is almost 16 and DS is almost 24.

I allow her to go on a train to DS by herself. It's 1hr 20 mins on the train, direct from train station to train station and DS lives 2 mins walk from the train at the other end. 5 min walk at this end.

She has been known to text me on a Friday lunchtime and say "Can I go to DS's for the weekend? He says it's ok" and if I get an OK from him I come home to an empty house . They then do whatever they do for the weekend and she comes home on the Sunday night.

Is she too young?

OP posts:

CundtBake · 27/07/2014 11:39

Not too young at all.

How lovely that they get on so well.

itsbetterthanabox · 27/07/2014 15:17

No sounds fine to me. Although with older sibling in charge he's probably letting her get away with things you wouldn't!

GreenPetal94 · 27/07/2014 15:19

totally fine

hamptoncourt · 27/07/2014 15:30

YANBU and I am so jealous that your DC get on so well

Fluffyears · 27/07/2014 15:42

Totally fine. At 16 me and friends took half hour journeys to glasgow alone and she's 1 year away from driving. Think about it this way, you know where she is she hasn't just wandered away. Her brother knows a rough time to expect her so if there was any issue it would be flagged really quickly. I also assume she has a mobile so is easily contactable and is aware of her own safety when out. My mum always gave me one piece of safety advice, aim for the eyes or the balls!

ExcuseTypos · 27/07/2014 15:50

Of course she's not too young.

My 2 DDs are now 23 and 20. They were both doing a similar train journey into London on their own, at 16. (They were met at the other end until they got used to the tubes etc)

gingee · 27/07/2014 17:36

She could be driving about by herself in less than a year! She's fine and you all sound great. It's all a bit mad these days I know 16 year olds who aren't allowed a Saturday job because they might get a bit stressed about things and its a bus journey away, the same kids never make their own way to school or know how to work the dishwasher. Literal crap parenting.

BellaVita · 27/07/2014 17:38

Sounds like a perfect arrangement

SocksRock · 27/07/2014 17:44

When I was 14, I joined my family a day late on holiday by train. 4 hours, 2 changes. The reason I was a day late was that I was at a week long summer school finishing the day after they went. All fine, except I had had no sleep, being the last night of summer school and fell asleep missing or of my connections, ended up miles and miles away on a Sunday afternoon. Station staff helped, but I had to negotiate the return journey via 2 buses and a train. They did manage to contact my mum to let her know what had happened and when I was due in. And they fed me tea!

My mum just rolled her eyes when I rocked up - I hope I can be that relaxed with my DD's when the time comes. This was pre mobile phone era as well.

weegiemum · 27/07/2014 17:50

My 14 year old dd1 gets the train to visit my parents (about 75 mins) or my best friend (who also loves my dc and enjoys time with them, she's about 90 mins away on the same line). No issue. Ds is 12 and wants to do it too, once he starts secondary and gets used to the bus journey, I'll let him.

Dd1 already gets a bus into Glasgow city centre, walks to another bus stop and gets the bus out to school. Ds will be doing it from August. Dd2 next year.

Nanny0gg · 27/07/2014 17:50

I was commuting to London to work at that age.

I was also going out clubbing (or Disco-ing as it was the Dark Ages!) after work and coming home alone on the last train.

She'll be fine!

Andrewofgg · 27/07/2014 17:53

YANBU and be grateful to DS for giving you a break like that!

Original poster

isthisanacidtest · 27/07/2014 19:50

They're actually very close despite the big age gap. I am sure he lets her do stuff I wouldn't but at the same time I trust him and I know he wouldn't ever let her be in any harms way at all. In some things he lets her do less than I do!

OP posts:

TinklyLittleLaugh · 27/07/2014 19:58

I have to say though that my 15 year old sister used to come and stay with me for a "quiet weekend" when I was 21. She used to come clubbing and pubbing with me and my mates. My mother still doesn't know.

Original poster

isthisanacidtest · 27/07/2014 20:02

ah well if she's doing that she's doing that. I don't think she is but..

Shrug. She'd do it anyway if she was going to and if he's there at least she has someone keeping an eye on her.

OP posts:

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 27/07/2014 20:04

sounds great, as long as they are not in cahoots and she is elsewhere not really op, I expect he just makes her feel grown up by letting her out and about with him, 16 is a pretty dire age, too young for pubs and clubs.... too old for other teen pastimes, which is why so many get caught up in drinking in the park etc. better she is somewhere under some supervision and having fun than getting bored.

UnderEstherMate · 27/07/2014 20:04

I don't remember asking permission for very much at 16. I had my own money and was very independent and responsible(ish).

Original poster

isthisanacidtest · 27/07/2014 20:06

At 16, DS was doing the drinking/bars/clubbing/down the park stuff. So he knows what the pitfalls are. And I don't think she'd be able to pull the wool over his eyes.

OP posts:

westcountrywoman · 27/07/2014 20:15

Good on you. I regularly travelled to relatives by train from the age of 14 - usually 5 hour plus journeys, sometimes with a change of train too. This was in the mid 90s. I am pleased I was allowed that freedom as I've always been confident travelling alone whereas some of my friends (now in our mid thirties) get really panicky about having to travel by train to somewhere new for work etc.

TheHorseHasBolted · 27/07/2014 20:29

YANBU and I really wish my children, of about the same age, had the get-up-and-go to do what she is doing.

Pilgit · 27/07/2014 20:35

No not too much freedom. I was visiting my sister at uni on my own at 15. Never occurred to mum this was too much freedom for me. School friends parents were amazed but mum had made sure we knew how to handle the tube and that we were 'Street smart' so we thought nothing of it.

Pilgit · 27/07/2014 20:35

MammaTJ · 27/07/2014 20:41

I think even if they are clubbing then at least she has big bro keeping an eye on her! Much better than out with drunken mates!

sashh · 27/07/2014 21:20

I went to Australia at 16.

On my own. It was my first flight.

And my parents were over protective

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