To think this is too much for a present?

[Bambambini]

Husband takes 12 yr old shopping for his friends birthday present. I told him that the mum said a snazzy t shirt or such would go down well. I also said usual limit is about 10 pounds - up to 15 pounds at a stretch. I come home and a 35 pound football jersey is sitting (45 but reduced to 35). I'm not happy and think the mum might not appreciate such an expensive present (I know I wouldn't). Husband thinks I'm just being a spoiler, I tell him it's not about the money but extravagant gifts aren't usually done and look showy. Now doubting myself and maybe I'm just being a grouch and mean. So AIBU?

No

I agree with you. It ups the ante too - will she feel obliged to buy your child a similarly expensive present?

YANBU

It doesn't sit well with me, I think it could make the other guests feel a bit peeved too.

If you don't need the money for anything else then I wouldn't worry about it, maybe just mention to the mum that the guys went into town to choose the gift alone so it might not be within the usual norms of gift giving.

YANBU.

It might make her feel uncomfortable, more expensive gifts are usually reserved for family are they not? Also, as a PP said it may set a precedent which would just end up uncomfortable for both of you.

I'd return it and if you can't get back to the shops I'd just
put some money in a card so he can pick his own tshirt.

I'd just tell the Mum that the boys had chosen and it was more expensive than usual but on sale.

YADNBU it's sets the wrong precedent- what will this boy feel he has to buy your son in return, what will his other friend get?

Take it back or give it to your son and buy something more appropriate.

Or say it was massively reduced

I agree with you.

Agh no - she might feel she has to reciprocate, which she will you for.
Silly man. Back it goes.

I think it depends on the circumstances tbh. Is it a lot of money to you? Is it likely to be a lot of money to them?

If you are both pretty affluent families then it's perhaps not such an issue.

It's a shame people feel they have to reciprocate with a gift of the same value.

I don't think the 'massively reduced' excuse will work - If its a football top they'll then just think it's a fake.

Thanks. They gave my son a 10 voucher for his birthday recently which I think is appropriate and more in line with what I would assume most folk give. It's not the money - we can afford it. Not the first time we have disagreed over money extravagance. We have different approach es.

We are a fair bit more affluent which I think makes it worse as this to me seems to point out the divide more or maybe it makes us look mean. Just glad some see where I'm coming from. Husband thinks that I'm a killjoy.

I'd take it back.

In most circumstances that will embarrass the other family. It's rude.

I have a relative that does this. She's always upping the ante about what she spends on gift and then everyone feels embarrassed that they haven't reciprocated at the same value. She loves to shop and is a bit flash but her presents actually annoy people as they make them feel awkward. I'd hazard a guess that she has no idea, but really she should.

Just seen your last post. In that case definitely definitely take it back.

It would make me uncomfortable as the receiving parent. Although I wouldn't feel the need to reciprocate as I'm used to having less money for these things than my dcs friends parents. It would ultimately make me pretty peeved and I would probably avoid inviting the child again if I could.

Yeah, I think if you aren't financially equal there is a chance of making the other parent feel uncomfortable then.

It's already been bought, your child I imagine wanted to get the t-shirt for him, your husband was happy with it. The receiver will enjoy it? If so then let him receive it. Just smile when handing the gift over and laugh about the fact that dad went shopping so its someone's lucky day.

Take it back. I feel your pain - this is the kind of daft thing my DH would do

Ouch, YANBU. Lady Bountiful is not a good reputation to have.

I wonder if the 12yo DS knew this would happen and used the opportunity to get himself a new shirt

I'm going to go against the grain here and say don't take it back.

Your dh and son chose it so I don't think you should take it back. I'm sure that your dh wasn't being intentionally ride and it may hurt their feelings.

I do think it's way, way too much but the child will love it.

Perhaps just mention to the mum that your dh and son chose it so you hope it's ok.

I think it's too much. I would be embarrassed to give it or receive it. You could have a word with the mum and tell her in advance that your dh bought a football shirt having been sent out with instructions to get a tshirt for £10. Ask her if it's ok and offer to take it back if she wants. If you don't know the mum well enough to do this, then you need to change it IMO. This is really because you have said you are significantly better off than her and it could come across badly unless you manage it in advance.

YANBU but you're husband really needs to think about how this family will feel about this gift. If my DS were the recipient I would feel embarrassed about my gift to your son (oh no! I gave him a £10 voucher they must think I'm really mean or poverty-stricken if their idea of a child's present is this!) and it would colour my relationship with you - I'd probably withdraw a little as I would feel uncomfortable, and yes, it would probably affect how happy I would be for my DS to spend time with your DS.

Your DH needs to consider whether he want to appear like that Harry Enfield character, Considerably-richer-than-you.

I'd take it back in these circumstances.