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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that he should have stayed home?

67 replies

curiousgeorgie · 24/07/2014 08:36

Last night I put my neck out in my sleep. For anyone who hasn't ever done this, it's excruciating and it spasms for ages and in my case, leaves me unable to move without agonising pain (or sometimes just not at all.)

This has happened before and so I have a prescription of diazepam, tramadol and naproxen to take which helps. Except I have none at the moment.

DH was sleeping in the spare room because my 3 year old is having a bad sleeping phase at the moment and I text him early this morning to say I've really hurt myself could he please come in...

He either ignored it or wasn't up yet, but eventually he popped his head in the room to say he was going to work...

I said something along the lines of 'are you bloody kidding me? I can't even get up?!'

We also have a 13 month old who was asleep in her room.

So he left. And DD2 screamed for almost an hour while I tried to get up and get to her. I still can't get her out of her bed. My 3 year old has severe hypermobility and I need to carry her down the stairs and help her get up / down furniture etc all day.

This is impossible. I am pissed off.

OP posts:

Original poster

curiousgeorgie · 24/07/2014 12:09

And Fronteir, if he skips work, he does lose pay. He's a freelance contractor, but I couldn't move. It wasn't like I just wanted a lie in I didn't consider the money, I only considered being able to get my baby out of bed!

OP posts:

Berryglitter · 24/07/2014 12:18

If you live anywhere near me I'm happy to go get your prescription for you if you need. I'm off work today (dislocated my elbow) and have to go to a chemist to get my prescription anyway. Pm me if you like.

araiba · 24/07/2014 12:22

if he deliberately left knowing the situation, he's an arse
i can't believe anybody could be that much of an arse and I would believe that he wasn't fully aware of the situation.

you didn't shout because you didn't want to wake children? that's just stupid- I would screamed until he was aware of the problem and dealt with woken up children after

Balaboosta · 24/07/2014 12:22

This awful. I hope it eases up quickly!

Wineandcakes · 24/07/2014 12:28

While sympathising with your situation it does puzzle me that you're fully able to spend the morning faffing about on mumsnet yet unable to tell husband properly that you're in pain.
Surely if you were in that much pain you would speak and risk waking a sleeping child?

(Dons helmet, takes cover)

Bifauxnen · 24/07/2014 12:59

Faffing on mumsnet is a sedentary activity. Lugging kids around isn't.
He should have helped as much as he could before going to work, not just trotted out the door without a thought for his wife and kids.

Hope you feel better soon, my back went last week and it was horrible. Dp did at least help me up off the floor before going out.

Tiptops · 24/07/2014 13:05

I did this to my neck a few years ago and it was unbearably painful so you have my sympathies

Glad your DB has been able to step in.

Frontier · 24/07/2014 13:22

I don't have a problem, just offering another POV. Ultimately, as DH would have lost money, the OP and her family are better off that he did go to work and someone else helped out.

There's obviously more to this than just today's incident but Dh didn't need to be the default carer, there were other options. Dh should have made sure one of them was sorted before he went to work though.

Original poster

curiousgeorgie · 24/07/2014 13:23

Thanks so much for the offer to get my prescription, that is so incredibly nice but my brother is going to go and get it.

It wasn't just the children sleeping, it was also my angle and the pain in my neck. Have you ever felt like you couldn't shout? It's hard to explain.

As for going on mumsnet. I'm on the app on my phone, the only thing moving is my thumb

I did tell him how much it hurt, it's happened to me before, he knows how bad it is, he really does. He was just clearly missing any sort of brain compassion this morning.

OP posts:

Original poster

curiousgeorgie · 24/07/2014 13:28

Fronteir - there is no more to this than today. At all.

OP posts:

Coumarin · 24/07/2014 13:34

I've had this and it's unbelievable how much pain it causes. You can barely move at all let alone look after 2 tiny ones. You've done fantastically well OP. Glad your brother is there now. Hope you feel much better soon.

To those saying, 'why not shout', shouting would cause even more pain. It uses muscles in your neck and when you have this you can't do it. I couldn't even have a cry about the pain to myself because it would hurt even more.

Titsalinabumsquash · 24/07/2014 13:36

Poor you OP, my ex was like this, he wouldn't take time off work for anything. I had to take 2 children, one critically ill to the other side of the country because he wouldn't take a few days off to watch DS2.

Luckily DP will happily drop work if I really need him. It's shit bring in a position where you physically can't look after the kids. I hope you feel better soon.

Frontier · 24/07/2014 13:38

There must be. A DH sleeping in another room, a child who is pandered to sleeps so badly you can't call out, texting someone who's in the same house, someone who will then ignore said text and a DH who can go to work leaving you in such a rage. It can't all be about your sore neck. Which I do sympathise over very much BTW.

In isolation, him going to work when you have your brother nearby to care for you all really isn't that bad. It's the way it was done that has you so mad.

Gen35 · 24/07/2014 13:55

If it really is a one off, you absolutely need to read him the riot act tonight, completely awful behaviour on his part...

Gen35 · 24/07/2014 14:02

Really? I could be completely seething over this incident, her dh had no idea any family help would be available and he was right there. The buck should have stopped with him.

Original poster

curiousgeorgie · 24/07/2014 14:22

Fronteir - my DH sleeping in the spare room means he's not disturbed when my DD1 (3) gets up in the night due to the heat we think, and comes in our room, as he has to get up early for work.

My DD1 isn't pandered to, she is a very bad sleeper and we work hard for every minute of sleep she has. Ive posted on here a lot about what a nightmare she is and the constant crying. As I was in pain, I was also not keen on having to wake her up and deal with her before one of us had to. I text him because of all this and the inability to shout. There are no other problems. I hurt my neck. He was a bit of an arse about it in going to work. One isolated incident. Okay..?!

OP posts:

Annafromtheoffice · 24/07/2014 14:33

Even if he thought your were exaggerating or whatever, he shouldn't have left, especially not if there's a baby involved. He left you unable to care for yourself, unable to care for your baby and unable to reach out and get somebody to assist (relation, friend, neighbour, nurse). I hope you read him the riot act when he returns. If you don't , I will.

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