Priest telling boys how to pee at school?

[Downamongtherednecks]

Tween ds is at a private school, not UK. Most staff are female. There were incidents of the boys’ loos being left with pee around the lavatory bowl, so a male member of staff (priest) took the boys into the loos (in groups) to tell them that this was unacceptable and to suggest that they aim better and that they should perhaps practice more (!).
This was not discussed at all with parents.
AIBU to think this was not an acceptable thing for the school to do? It seems far too private and something surely better handled by parents. Priest has form for sexism so it is possible that may be one reason I instinctively don’t like it. DH (robustly boys’ private-school educated) says this was fine, it's a boy/male teacher thing, and he can’t see a problem with it. Happy to be told I am being biased against the sexist priest. No intention of taking it up with school btw, as dc are leaving anyway. AIBU?

[phantomnamechanger]

I was going to say exactly what sirzy said.

why can a woman go in there and show them the mess and lecture them, but not a bloke, who has the advantage of being able to say (not demonstrate ) that he can manage just fine

oh yes, he's a dangerous priest, in a loo, talking to kids about bodily functions....... he must be up to no good

[deakymom]

why are the children peeing on the floor anyway my son has been taught to aim straight since he was two? even in a public loo he is reminded your not fireman Sam hosing a fire down AIM FOR THE WATER (caused a lot of laughter that one did) seriously why make a mess for the poor cleaners?

my daughter just had her picture taken with her trophy's in the girls toilet as it had the best lighting apparently i was a bit about that one because isn't there a big ball of light conveniently placed in the sky? didnt turn it into a thread on mumsnet though

[Berryglitter]

Y'all need to toughen up a bit then.

[victrixludorem]

Sirzy because I have never heard of a case of a Matron abusing boys but have come across many of priests. Women don't commit sexual abuse on the same scale as men (it would be interesting to know the precise figures but it is highly predominantly men who are paedophiles). Also, it separates the person talking about "penises" from the one with close contact in a confined space who will be there talking about cleaning rather than willies and will not be in danger of giving a practical demonstration.

[Nomama]

Many priests? Oh dear.

No women? Oh double dear.

I can smell the hysteria from here!

[Sirzy]

But women still do coomit sexual abuse. Strange that when the OP talks about a the priest being sexist people start bringing out sexist attitudes against the men.

Like I said earlier irrespective of sex IMO there should have been at least 2 adult, as much to cover the adults backs as anything else, but it shouldn't be a gender issue.

[victrixludorem]

phantom sadly that is a possibility. If you were a male paedophile, out of all the jobs there are, which one do you think you might choose as putting you in a position to be able to carry out abuse? School priest has to be pretty near the top of the list and indeed attracts a lot of paedophiles. Sadly. Teachers at boarding school and men of the cloth get private access to boys more than almost any other profession. Combining the two would be a logical choice for someone who thought that way.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Bloody hell he took boys in cubicles to talk about the mess they had made. Presumably tge boys are 10/11 so best if a male does male issues. Nowadays anyone working with children has to be CRB checked even priests! Would this be different if it was a make teacher.

[victrixludorem]

Nomama I bet you 100-1 that if you put in a Freedom of Information Request on the gender ratio on the sex offenders' register, then it would have a huge % of bias towards men. I will see if I can find the figures.

[Nomama]

Sirzy, I was surprised that sexist was so very quickly equated to something more sinister!

You are right, 2 adults would have been best - to safeguard them, as much as the kids, as this thread seems to bear out!

[Aeroflotgirl]

At tween age presumably 10/11, tgey should know his to wee properly in the toilet, it's laziness, no wonder the staff aren't happy as they have to clean it up!

[Nomama]

Don't bother looking, you will find more male offenders than women. But you may also find some interesting research in why female offenders are less reported....

[Aeroflotgirl]

Male doh.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Yes many 2 staff would have been better to cover their backs

[Dontlaugh]

Without adding to the perception of hysterical Irish women, which diminishes us as a group and denies the atrocities we witnessed, lived and in some cases experienced at the hands of Catholic clergy, I still do think basic CP principles apply, 2 adults present to teach sensitive issues to children.
That is all.

[victrixludorem]

OK, I have found one stat: 99% of sex offenders are male:

sapac.umich.edu/article/196

This isn't child abuse but I will keep looking. I suspect the figure will be about the same.

[victrixludorem]

2 staff would have been much better.

[flipchart]

This thread is mad!

[PhaedraIsMyName]

The issue is that it gives far too much scope for abuse, for no particular reason - why not talk to them all in a big group in a classroom? Let Matron show them the piss on the floor at the urinals at another time

Oh the irony of accusing him of sexism. Dealing with this is women's work.

Why should there be scope for abuse here? There was one adult and a group of children, not one to one. Some of you said there should have been 2 adults-why?

[Berryglitter]

This thread is mad!

+1

[phantomnamechanger]

phantom sadly that is a possibility. If you were a male paedophile, out of all the jobs there are, which one do you think you might choose as putting you in a position to be able to carry out abuse? School priest has to be pretty near the top of the list and indeed attracts a lot of paedophiles. Sadly. Teachers at boarding school and men of the cloth get private access to boys more than almost any other profession. Combining the two would be a logical choice for someone who thought that way.

IF I was a paedophile and in that line of work to access boys and gain the trust of parents etc, I am quite sure my "M.O." would NOT be to take a whole bunch of them in the loo for a lecture about not peeing on the floor
The boys are statistically more at risk from their own parents/family members, so quick, make boarding schools compulsory, to get the kids away from their deviant parents.

[GodDamnBatman]

Sorry, American here. Have to call you on it.

"Yap yap yap" is the same as "yeah yeah yeah". It basically means to shut up or what you're saying isn't important, but it isn't gender specific. It's rude, but not sexist. Just like how "God love him, he tries" isn't sexist even though it's aimed mostly at men.

The priest taking the boys into a bathroom stall isn't sexist either, for the simple reason that the girls aren't the ones pissing all over the floor in the boys bathroom. It's a gender specific problem, there's no point in including the girls in what goes on in a bathroom they're not allowed in.

[Dontlaugh]

It's not sexist.
It's simply best practice from a CP point of view to have 2 adults present anytime personal issues such as toileting are being discussed. How is this unusual?
There are statutory guidelines in this country dealing with this. Why does the issue of safeguarding seem to be regarded with such, I don't know, disdain? Disregard? Dismissal?
Many state reports in this country would beg to differ..

[GodDamnBatman]

It's simply best practice from a CP point of view to have 2 adults present anytime personal issues such as toileting are being discussed. How is this unusual?

Well, in the USA South, it's also common to have corporal punishment at schools. If you act up you get the paddle. Usually it's just you and a same gender adult in the office, or outside the class in the hallway getting smacked on the butt. They are very much spare the rod mentality in the south. (Really it's an ineffective punishment as boys wear it as a badge of honor, but that's a story for a different thread.)

So something a priest with a group of boys wouldn't really register as a bad thing. They aren't alone one on one with them, and they aren't talking about anything more personal than "quit pissing on the floor you little assholes".