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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be shocked at what I witnessed in the park yesterday

49 replies

Roundedbuttocks90 · 23/07/2014 10:30

As it was such a lovely day yesterday and I had a say off I decided to take DD (almost 1) to the park.

We were sat on the grass having some dinner and DD's push chair was next to where we were sat.

Anyway, I heard a commotion and a child screaming. This little girl was about 4/5 years old and she wanted an ice cream. The woman with her (whom I had assumed was her mother but was actually her step mum) calmly explained to her that because she had misbehaved and hit her little brother she wasnt allowed an ice cream. The little girls father just stood there like a spare part looking awkward.

The girl's step mum was quite heavily pregnant, she told me she was 7 1/2 months gone.

After she had explained to the little girl hit she wasn't getting an ice cream she proceeded o scream and shout at her step mum. She scratched, slapped and finally punched her in the stomach whilst her OH, in the soppiest voice ever said 'darling, please don't do that.'

She eventually stopped hitting out and ran over to where we were sitting, pushed DDs pushchair on top of her (luckily its light and only just caught her.)

This poor woman told her OH half that she'd had enough. She was in tears. I went over to console her with my DD at which poin he OH was walking away saying 'you knew what you were walking into when we first got together.'

I took her to get a drink as she was very shaken up and her DS was too. She told me that her OH works long hours and often leaves her with both children (The little boy is hers biologically).
She told me that she tries her best with her DSD but her behaviour has gotten progressively worse.

She looked like a woman defeated, I asked her I she needed to get checked out and offered to take her to A&E but she said she was fine and apologised over and over for the pushchair incident with my DD.

I've got he number and want to give he a run to see how she is. I feel like I should help her out. Her situation is very similar to one that I was in not so long ago and I really do feel for her

OP posts:
Roundedbuttocks90 · 23/07/2014 10:32

Sorry about the typos.

I'm writing this on my phone so it isn't great!

OP posts:
usualsuspectt · 23/07/2014 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HayDayQueen · 23/07/2014 10:34

Oh how sad. So glad you are offering her a shoulder to cry on, what a tough situation for her.

TurboWithAKick · 23/07/2014 10:35

Sound like she needs a friend , that was kind of you

wonderingsoul · 23/07/2014 10:40

Give her a bell or text.
I imagine you made her day, instead of judging or giving her he'll you where kind.

And you may get a friendship out of it xx

FrankSaysNo · 23/07/2014 10:42

I'd be curious as to what happened with the childs mother. Highly unusual for the father and new partner to be the RP.

I'd give the woman a ring. She's going to need friends dealing with a child like that

Nanny0gg · 23/07/2014 10:45

I'd give the woman a ring. She's going to need friends dealing with a child like that

She's going to need friends dealing with a partner like that...

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 23/07/2014 10:46

If anyone can advise her rounded, you can!

Sounds like a horrible situation, well done for helping :)

TheReluctantCountess · 23/07/2014 10:48

You sound lovely. So many people would have judged, especially considering your pushchair was pushed over.

OorWullie · 23/07/2014 10:52

I'd give her a ring or even just a text saying if she ever feels like she wants a bit of a break or to offload you'd like to meet for coffee or take the children out together.

sounds like she has alot on her plate dealing with SD and her partner is too lazy to parent properly.

foxystoat · 23/07/2014 10:57

I would give send her a text initially and take it from there. You sound like a lovely person Grin

BlackeyedSusan · 23/07/2014 11:00

bloody ineffectual parenting again... not hers.

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 23/07/2014 11:01

You sound lovely, OP.

:)

Yes, call her. Sometimes just chatting about stuff makes all the difference.

Roundedbuttocks90 · 23/07/2014 11:15

She was such a lovely woman. Very young, around my age of 21 but with a two year old a DSD and a new baby on the way.

She said that they aren't RP but she stays with them every weekend and most of the holidays.

I couldn't believe how similar our situations were really.

I think, like my DSD that little girl is very messed up. She said that she can wrap her dad around he little finger and that when she's here their DS is completely ignored by him but DSD knows this and loves that its all about her.

I really do feel for her. She was so lovely an I hope Ivan help her. I never really explained my situation to her but I think I will ring her and let her know that she isn't alone Nd its her partner who is in the wrong by not being consistent.

It really is so frustrating and when you have your own kids added to the mix you take on a completely new perspective. You don't want your kids to pick up on that behaviour.

She said that he had taken her out for a walk a few days ago or about an hour which he very rarely does. They got back and she kept opening the door and wandering outside.
She had asked he partner if he was going to go outside and make sure she wasnt wandering out onto the road. She said that he just said to her 'I've been chasing after her all bloody morning I'm not doing it, I want to drink my cup of tea in peace.' Although it sounds petty I completely get where she's coming from. It's the little, frequent things like that. I could've written her story myself

OP posts:
Roundedbuttocks90 · 23/07/2014 11:38

I've texted her and asks if she wants to meet up for a coffee sometime.

I asked her how she was feeling and she replied: 'so,so really. I'm so sorry about yesterday, she was tired out. I would love to meet sometime. Thank you for yesterday! You made me feel like less of a dick head x'

OP posts:
MissMarplesBloomers · 23/07/2014 11:50

Aww glad she felt better for your kind gesture.

He sounds a real charmer... not & she may be getting a glimpse of why his ex is his ex, sadly.

Maybe once you get to know her she could suggest they get EOW so that they all get a break from little miss who clearly is pushing the boundaries.

Having a new chum who has been through same might be just the thing she needs!

Roundedbuttocks90 · 23/07/2014 11:57

I feel sorry do the child too. He is obviously very confused. She's got a father who can't be bothered to discipline her and who is very inconsistent then she's got this step mum who tries to explain why she can't always get her own way and who tries to square her up a bit.

She must be very confused. But yes, her partner sounds like a complete and utter Pratt.

I couldn't believe the audacity of him whn he said 'you knew what you were walking into' as he walked off. Didn't even ask her I she was ok. Not an ounce of concern was shown.

She didn't look like a dickhead at all - she looked like a sensible young woman trying to instill some discipline into an unruly child against all odds but being undermined.

OP posts:
Fanfeckintastic · 23/07/2014 12:10

Oh definitely make contact with her!! I recently made a lovely new friend through a similar (though my own fault) kind of thing!

You may be just what she needs.

todayisnottheday · 23/07/2014 12:26

Sounds like you are just the person she needs. Step parenting is a thankless task at the best of times let alone when the parent simply won't!

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 23/07/2014 12:31

You sound lovely
She sounds nice
He sounds like a dickhead
Poor her, poor children

I have no advice except to say carry on being as lovely as you have been.

captainproton · 23/07/2014 12:35

Point in her in the direction of step-parenting here on mumsnet. This is unfortunately a common situation whereby a useless father forgets he actually has to parent his own children, and not turn his wife into the evil stepmother so he can look wonderful fun dad to the kids.

Roundedbuttocks90 · 23/07/2014 15:21

captain this is very true. In my case I probably did become the evil step mother as I was so sick of having to cancel play dates or baby groups to look after DSD to the detriment of my own daughter. I was sick of her being so badly behaved and sick of STBXH lax parenting.

The thing is, I have seen many women jumped all over an flamed on the step parenting forum. I wouldn't want her to feel 10 times worse than she already does.

At the end of the day and through no fault of any body no person could ever love a step child as much or the same as their own biological child.

OP posts:
Roundedbuttocks90 · 26/07/2014 13:19

Thoug

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 26/07/2014 13:58

I can't help feeling that they should if taken things slower, tbh.

It was very soon for her to split up with her partner and get pregnant again.

Likewise, he should if thought twice before embarking on such a full on relationship with a 20 year old, already with a child, if his DD is suffering because of the break up, or ineffective parenting from his ex.

Is she insisting on being involved with every contact? She needs to take a step back.

The comment about her DS being ignored, is out if order, this is her partners contact with his preschool child.

The little girl is going to have lots of changes and I feel very sorry for her, because it doesn't sound as though it will be handled in the way it should be.

Birdsgottafly · 26/07/2014 14:00

""At the end of the day and through no fault of any body no person could ever love a step child as much or the same as their own biological child.""

Yes they can, over time.

They need to put the needs of the child first.

The pregnancy might of been accidental, but it was well to soon.

This little girl is having a lot inflicted on her.

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