To be shocked at what I witnessed in the park yesterday

[Roundedbuttocks90]

As it was such a lovely day yesterday and I had a say off I decided to take DD (almost 1) to the park.

We were sat on the grass having some dinner and DD's push chair was next to where we were sat.

Anyway, I heard a commotion and a child screaming. This little girl was about 4/5 years old and she wanted an ice cream. The woman with her (whom I had assumed was her mother but was actually her step mum) calmly explained to her that because she had misbehaved and hit her little brother she wasnt allowed an ice cream. The little girls father just stood there like a spare part looking awkward.

The girl's step mum was quite heavily pregnant, she told me she was 7 1/2 months gone.

After she had explained to the little girl hit she wasn't getting an ice cream she proceeded o scream and shout at her step mum. She scratched, slapped and finally punched her in the stomach whilst her OH, in the soppiest voice ever said 'darling, please don't do that.'

She eventually stopped hitting out and ran over to where we were sitting, pushed DDs pushchair on top of her (luckily its light and only just caught her.)

This poor woman told her OH half that she'd had enough. She was in tears. I went over to console her with my DD at which poin he OH was walking away saying 'you knew what you were walking into when we first got together.'

I took her to get a drink as she was very shaken up and her DS was too. She told me that her OH works long hours and often leaves her with both children (The little boy is hers biologically).
She told me that she tries her best with her DSD but her behaviour has gotten progressively worse.

She looked like a woman defeated, I asked her I she needed to get checked out and offered to take her to A&E but she said she was fine and apologised over and over for the pushchair incident with my DD.

I've got he number and want to give he a run to see how she is. I feel like I should help her out. Her situation is very similar to one that I was in not so long ago and I really do feel for her

Is the little boy her partners child?

He sounds like an idiot and I think the poor woman is in way over her head. You can't win in a situation like that unless everyone is pulling in the same direction. It doesn't sound like that is the case here.

I hope you continue to become friends, it sounds like she will need a lot of support.

Birds I don't think its fair that their son is ignored just because it is contact time. I think for blended families to work all the children need to be treated fairly all of the time. Its not right that their ds is made to feel second best when the dsd visits like she is royalty. They are both his children and should be treated as such.

But most blended families don't happen quite that fast, work out the time/ age differences.

If the new partner was late 30's, then I could understand why the've jumped into starting their own family, but she must of been 18 when he first got her pregnant.

The cracks in their relationship might just be starting to show, it seems very hurried.

One on one time with a parent should still be possible, it sounds as though that may be what he should be doing, do he is actually parenting.

The focus should be on her partner, not the girls behaviour.

It would be easy to buck pass and for the Stepmum to make the child a scapegoat, which I've seen many times.

I blame the Dad, it was to soon to start a new full on relationship and more children.

The shit will probably hit the fan once the new baby comes, but the focus needs to be kept on it's him at fault for not stepping up and take responsibility.

""children need to be treated fairly all of the time. ""

When one child lives with both parents and gets one on one time with both, but the other doesn't.

Then that should be taken into account when you are dealing with a four year old. There is automatic unequal treatment.

Where does the needs if the existing children come in?

This should be discussed pre-pregnancy. Is that what his comment was about, perhaps?

Either way, the "problem" isn't a four year old girl.

What a shocking incident to witness.

And how fortuitous that you were there, given the striking similarities between your situations.

I totally agree that the focus should be on the dad and that the problems stem from him. Its the step mum and kids I feel sorry for, there will be a lot of resentment in that house if he continues as he is.

how fortuitous that you were there, given the striking similarities between your situations.

Quite. How wonderful for her that you were there.

Of course the little girl should get one on one time with her dad but not to the extent that the little boy is ignored which is what the op said is happening. He cant just be the little boys dad until the little girl is around just so its fair to her. The ds will grow up hating being pushed out and the dad will quickly learn that she gets the special treatment when she is around and is therefore better than her siblings.

You sound lovely op.

The way I read this the father has a dd aged approx 4/5yrs old. He has clearly then left the mother and started a relationship with the mother in the op, having a child with her and she is now pregnant again. For all we know he he may have split with the dds mother whilst she was prgnant, meaning he could, potentially, have been with the new partner for two or three years prior to getting her pregnant.

It does seem a little hasty, but not uncommon.

As for the comment along the lines of "of course he's going to treat his dd when she is there, Ds needs to suck it up" that's outrageous. He is his son too, and they Should be treated equally. Or else he is fostering resentment between the half siblings that will only get worse.

The world needs many more people like you!

My main sympathy is with that little girl. Adults can make their own choices, but she can't. She sounds really angry and confused.

I met her for a coffee on Friday. The little boy I hers and her partners and she said that things moved very quickly after they got together

She completely accepts that the little girls problems stem from ineffectual parenting. She said that they didn't have DSD one day last week and they had the chance to go to a local show but because he didn't have his DD he wasnt interested in having a day out and told her to go with her DS by herself. He sat and watched TV for the day. I thought that was really sad.

Of course DS should be treated equally!! His sister will one to realise tht she gets preferential treatment and play up on it even more!! I've seen it happen within my own circumstances and it isn't fair.

She doesn't want to be involved in contact all of the time and she told me that she was sick of cancelling plans with her DS because she has o look after DSD. Something else I can also relate to!!

If it wasnt for her he wouldn't be able to see his daughter half as much as he does. I have sympathy for the little girl but I also have major sympathy for that woman as she is trying to hold it all together

Completely agree dance in effect saying that the two year old LB needs to put up and shut up. He innocent too! Just because his parents are together (for now) doesn't mean this situation is any better or him.

At lease DSD gets the attention off her father. By the sounds of it he doesn't get much attention from him when his big sister isn't there either. That LB is goin to end up resenting his father and his sister (through no fault I her own) he needs to man up and realise that both of his children are special and unique and both need/deserve quality time with him!

Yes you did a good deed and yes she sounds like she needs a friend but why have you put this on Mumsnet. Surely a betrayal of trust?

How will she feel if she reads this?

Vseth I won't be the first person to have posted anonymously asking for advice on how to help someone deal with a difficult situation.

No names have been mentioned, no places have been mentioned etc.

I wasnt sure how to approach the situation. I don't want to get in too deep.

If you have a big issue with that then you don't actually have to read my posts or if you're feeling really brazen, report me!?

Pointless

I hope you stay in touch. Sounds like she needs someone to chat to.

I agree with VSeth.

Why on earth are you giving private and personal details of this young woman's life on an open forum?

It's this lady's text response that would be identifiable to her rather than anything about the location you were in. If you changed the wording then, great.

You did a nice thing anyway, sounds like she needed some support.

I agree with VSeth as well. There is enough detail here for someone to recognise themselves. And you say you have not mentioned places but you've said where you live on another recent thread.

Even that was pretty non specific.

Seems like there is always someone smugly trying to 'catch' you out on this site.

Nobody's being 'smug', Rounded but if you're reproduced that text rather than changing the words then it will be immediately identifiable should the lady happen to read this thread.

The location, park, whatever, is general enough and could be anywhere. If you've changed the circumstances/dialogue a bit then all the better.

I don't post much about happenings because it's all to easy to include other people's lives and events, which they didn't consent to having disclosed. It's difficult though because what else do people talk about here but other people?

It's nothing to do with being smug or trying to catch you out. There is another thread on MN at the moment asking posters to be as discreet regarding friends as they are about their own lives. There is no way this woman wouldn't recognise herself and it's not smug to tell you this.

Imperial... Some posters though post indiscreetly about their own lives so that's not always much of a yardstick.

There is no way this woman wouldn't recognise herself and it's not smug to tell you this

Absolutely. I can't understand why you can't see it.