To complain about this woman

[someonestolemynick]

She calls herself my mummy.

Today she's working from home, which I was all in favour of until I realised that that didn't mean she would be dangling my string for me for several hours but instead dump me for her laptop.

Should I LTB or file a complaint with daddy?

Hector The Grey

anarchy cat waaaaay, ahead of you there. I invented that technique.

Mrs Winnebago's cat catsnet medals are basically canned tuna. If you can get your human to open it, it is indeed edible.

Clever lad!

Found, what I thought, perfect way to punish mummy yesterday: broken into catfood cupboard, ripped dried food packaging apart, covered floor with cat biscuits when mummy caught me in the act.

Had to sleep in the shed. But I think she knows she was being u. She went out to buy me a present. Incidently, what is a "padlock"?

May I suggest the plucking at the carpets, makes Humans crazy.

yuk, cutesie crap

2rebecca here - have a

Hector - I bet the only reason you did that was because your humans weren't catering to your every whim. So it's not your fault - silly mummy shouldn't have been cross with you.

Hopefully this will act as a wake up call to them and they will realise that they are neglecting their duties.

Mrs Winnibago's Cat, that is immense. I salute you with my furry little paw - truly a hero to spoilt surpressed cats everywhere.

Hector and Anar-Cat, I too have been testing out the transfer of affections. It has some traction until then I forget and automatically go to my maid for pre biscuit leg rubbing as daddy is a frankly useless food supplier. Good luck with that padlock thing, btw.

Have you tried the more benign snoozing on the clean washing technique? Teamed with the nails in the carpet trick, it works wonders but looks wholly innocent at first glance.

Maybe you should point out to her that unless she's got 8 tits and a tail, she's probably not your mummy.

She's faking it. Move on, but crap in her slippers first.

Keema

Mummy or not mummy, she's a raging fool. "padlock" turned out to be mildly amusing dangly sort of toy which the bloody wench hung up to BLOCK ACCESS TO THE CATFOOD CUPBOARD. Sitting in the corner now shooting sinister looks at "padlock" and maid.

anarchy cat This peace offering shows that she has her heart in the right place but I cannot see how I can continue living with such fools.

lepetit cat have you tried tripping him up, when he's cooking or preparing food? Leads to rich rewards. Especially fun, when they are handling hot water.

Keep your chin up Hector - you WILL break their spirits!

LePetit why thank you. You most kind...and sensible. Here is pic of me pulling tongues at hooman.

MrsWinnebago'sCat You are a handsome chap!

Mrs Winnebago's cat very impressive tongue, hope human is squeezing dutifully. Mine would.

Oh dear Hector

You do have some training to do! Ignore the saying ' you can't teach an old human new tricks' you most certainly can with a little perseverance.

I Second lightly tapping your humans eyes to get them to open. Also lightly tap her.mouth to get her to speak to you. Start with just your soft pad, then one claw, finally using all claws if the technique isn't working. Don't be frightened to use a little force to get your point across! My favourite is to meow at the top of my voice, at the same frequency as a babies cry - never fails.

Your human does need to be rewarded when behaving well. Your daily massage is a privilege and your human needs to spend at least 30 minutes a day enjoying her treat.

Good luck in her training :) 13 years on I have a wonderfully trained human pet, and would not swap her for the world.

Hector, I know this is drastic, but have you thought about having her re-homed? It does sound as though the arrangement isn't entirely working out between you. I'm sure she could be sent somewhere humane and lovely...

Ahhh, bipeds. Can't live with them, can't kill them and eat them.

Oh, wait. Yes we can.

And C MNHQ, why aren't any of the icons proper cat-head shaped?

I say hide. If you can't see her, she can't see you.

naughty cat thanks for the techniques. Will try everyone's suggestions I'm determined to have properly trained human.

About having her re-homed. I honestly don't think there is any malice in her. I just have to accept that my human isn't the brightest. Might start bringing her gifts from the garden to encourage better behaviour and reward the effort to learn.

Hector And just remember you have the best weapon of all - you are SOOOO darned cute!

And fwiw, I think you are probably right about not re-homing her - she just needs firm but fair guidance to show her the correct way to behave.

anarchy cat It's surprisingly effective most of the time.
And def won't give up on human just yet. She just needs firm boundaries in place.