To wonder why my Mum won't come in my new home?

[MrsWinnibago]

Title's a bit of an exaggeration but since we moved to a new flat, my Mum has shown quite a lot of avoidance tactics when it comes to actually spending any time here.

She pops round about once a week but it was two or three times in our old house.

She has no problems using the stairs and will come up and then stand uncomfortably in the kitchen or hover a bit in the sitting room and then say "Shall we sit in the garden?"

She never did this at our old house.

I'm confused to be honest...Mum is completely "all there" mentally and still works part time...she's happy I think...things are fine in her life.

Why won't she bloody come in and sit down? The flat is comfortable and well laid out...

[Iggly]

You moved somewhere where there was an incident?

Fuck yes I wouldn't like coming over either.

Talk to her about it.

[MrsWinnibago]

Tigger she never saw all that and I have only mentioned it in passing. No details. DH got rid of all of it before DC and I moved in.

I will try and get her to sit next time...I will say "Sit down" and gesture...then give tea and cake so she has to sit.

IF she still hovers then I will ask outright!

[Mrsgrumble]

I think the above poster was right. Maybe jealousy. Have you bought this Independently and she feels she missed out on the lifestyle ? Married young, didn't have disposable cash etc?

[Mrsgrumble]

It's the incident!! For sure

[MrsWinnibago]

Iggly yes we had no choice really. This is a HOusing Association place...it was all we were offered but apart from the incident it's a very, very nice place. Lovely neighbours...all elderly apart from one who is just lovely. The whole block (4 flats) is very clean and well kept.

The incident was related to us by the nighbours who told me there were some "bad lads" here as the past tenant had sublet it to them and they were dealing out of here...one night there was a big argument and one of them was stabbed. he didn't die.

[SnakeyMcBadass]

It's the stabbing. She might have googled.

[MrsWinnibago]

MrsGrumble x post...this is a Housing Association flat...hardly luxury living! She owns her own home.

[MrsWinnibago]

Snakey she doesn't know how.

[Marylou2]

Maybe "new"is the key word. It's somewhere different and unfamiliar. I know there are places I feel comfy and take my shoes off and curl up on the sofa but that comes with ease and familiarity. Perhaps your mum needs a bit of time.Maybe you could broach the subject by saying it feels a bit odd to be somewhere new and give her a chance to say if she feels the same.

[scarletoconnor]

Maybe she wants to enjoy time outside in the lovely weather before it disappears

[MaryWestmacott]

its the stabbing - someone will have told her all about it, even if she cant google it, could someone else and show her, or someone knew someone who told her about it etc.

Arrange something like hosting sunday lunch for all the family, so she isnt the only guest and it would be harder for her to stay in the kitchen/go in the garden. Hopefullly she'll 'get over' whatever it is once she's forced to.

(that or you have a ghost)

[SantanaLopez]

Of course it's the stabbing! These things go like wildfire, Mary in the shop will have told her all the gory details.

[LePetitPont]

Another vote for the garden - maybe she wants to enjoy the sunshine while she can, not be cooped up indoors.

[Stratter5]

She's a vampire.

Have you actually invited her in? They need to be formally allowed over the threshold.

[Bowlersarm]

Of course it's the stabbing, and blood all over the walls. I would keep imagining the scene.

[MrsWinnibago]

Nobody will have told her as this is a new area for us. She is from a town 6 miles away.

However the Sunday lunch is a good idea. She will have to bloody sit down then won't she!

[stephenisjustcoming]

Agree that it's the stabbing. Only she'll have heard a random snippet, and then invented a total Charles Manson bloodbath in the absence of any facts, and will now be wondering where the body parts landed every time you open the dishwasher. I think you might need to get it out into the open...

[StanleyLambchop]

I can't believe you didn't mention the 'incident' in your OP. I would put money on that one of your lovely elderly neighbours has given her the full gory story, with plenty of juicy & random embellishments. She is clearly freaked at the thought of what went on.

[Pootles2010]

You said you mentioned it to her in passing - I agree with stephen, she'll have filled in the gaps. You need to talk to her!

[Iggly]

Ah ok

[Iggly]

Whoops - I can see you had no choice.

Although please tell me the housing association cleaned it up and not you?!

[MagicMojito]

It's the stabby-Joe thing definitely.

How was that not your very first thought?!

" hmm, why can't mum relax in my new home? I wonder if its because she doesn't like the curtains.. or perhaps its the fact that some drug dealer got stabbed in my living room?"

[MrsWinnibago]

Lol. She's just such a practical person! I can't imagine her getting freaked out at that. Someone got stabbed. They didn't die. It's gone!