To wonder why my Mum won't come in my new home?

[MrsWinnibago]

Title's a bit of an exaggeration but since we moved to a new flat, my Mum has shown quite a lot of avoidance tactics when it comes to actually spending any time here.

She pops round about once a week but it was two or three times in our old house.

She has no problems using the stairs and will come up and then stand uncomfortably in the kitchen or hover a bit in the sitting room and then say "Shall we sit in the garden?"

She never did this at our old house.

I'm confused to be honest...Mum is completely "all there" mentally and still works part time...she's happy I think...things are fine in her life.

Why won't she bloody come in and sit down? The flat is comfortable and well laid out...

[SueDoku]

I agree with those saying that it's the 'incident' - does she know that the stabbed man didn't die..? If she's just heard or been told gory rumours, she might be imagining the body on your living room floor (IYSWIM)
Talk to her about it - explain that no-one died - and I think that you might find that she'll begin to relax a bit. It's the old story of our imaginations being much worse than the truth

[IfNotNowThenWhen]

Maybe she sees dead people?

[mommy2ash]

it is definitely the stabbing incident

[MrsWinnibago]

DoJo she's well past that.

Blu yes she will sit on my deckchairs. They're old fashioned metal ones and quite upright but I have upright chairs in the flat in addition to sofa and armchairs!

[Blu]

Does she sit down anywhere else?

Have you got a new sofa? low squashy sofas are impossible for people who have stiff knees or dodgy hips.

Do reverse psychology - next time she comes over, take her outside straight away, say 'Let's sit in the garden, it's much nicer in this weather, isn't it?' and see if she comments about sitting inside.

Maybe she is worried she smells or something.

[DoJo]

Could she be suffering from menopausal 'flooding' and therefore be wary of sitting on your sofa/soft furnishings?

[londonrach]

My parents won't visit as I'm london and its dangerous you hear and I gave no bed. This is despite me offering our bed, booked hotel room around the corner and paying for it. Be here 6 years now. Do see parents but have to go outside london to sister which in some ways is nice... But I feel for you op.

[MrsWinnibago]

Lol. She's just such a practical person! I can't imagine her getting freaked out at that. Someone got stabbed. They didn't die. It's gone!

[MagicMojito]

It's the stabby-Joe thing definitely.

How was that not your very first thought?!

" hmm, why can't mum relax in my new home? I wonder if its because she doesn't like the curtains.. or perhaps its the fact that some drug dealer got stabbed in my living room?"

[Iggly]

Whoops - I can see you had no choice.

Although please tell me the housing association cleaned it up and not you?!

[Iggly]

Ah ok

[Pootles2010]

You said you mentioned it to her in passing - I agree with stephen, she'll have filled in the gaps. You need to talk to her!

[StanleyLambchop]

I can't believe you didn't mention the 'incident' in your OP. I would put money on that one of your lovely elderly neighbours has given her the full gory story, with plenty of juicy & random embellishments. She is clearly freaked at the thought of what went on.

[stephenisjustcoming]

Agree that it's the stabbing. Only she'll have heard a random snippet, and then invented a total Charles Manson bloodbath in the absence of any facts, and will now be wondering where the body parts landed every time you open the dishwasher. I think you might need to get it out into the open...

[MrsWinnibago]

Nobody will have told her as this is a new area for us. She is from a town 6 miles away.

However the Sunday lunch is a good idea. She will have to bloody sit down then won't she!

[Bowlersarm]

Of course it's the stabbing, and blood all over the walls. I would keep imagining the scene.

[Stratter5]

She's a vampire.

Have you actually invited her in? They need to be formally allowed over the threshold.

[LePetitPont]

Another vote for the garden - maybe she wants to enjoy the sunshine while she can, not be cooped up indoors.

[SantanaLopez]

Of course it's the stabbing! These things go like wildfire, Mary in the shop will have told her all the gory details.

[MaryWestmacott]

its the stabbing - someone will have told her all about it, even if she cant google it, could someone else and show her, or someone knew someone who told her about it etc.

Arrange something like hosting sunday lunch for all the family, so she isnt the only guest and it would be harder for her to stay in the kitchen/go in the garden. Hopefullly she'll 'get over' whatever it is once she's forced to.

(that or you have a ghost)

[scarletoconnor]

Maybe she wants to enjoy time outside in the lovely weather before it disappears

[Marylou2]

Maybe "new"is the key word. It's somewhere different and unfamiliar. I know there are places I feel comfy and take my shoes off and curl up on the sofa but that comes with ease and familiarity. Perhaps your mum needs a bit of time.Maybe you could broach the subject by saying it feels a bit odd to be somewhere new and give her a chance to say if she feels the same.

[MrsWinnibago]

Snakey she doesn't know how.

[MrsWinnibago]

MrsGrumble x post...this is a Housing Association flat...hardly luxury living! She owns her own home.