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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get really pissed off when people hog a conversation or talk over me?

39 replies

BigBadJane · 22/07/2014 09:54

My brother knows my thoughts on this and after an incident when he totally domnated the conversation about his specialist job when I had some friends round and invited him as well, he wouldn't dare do it again once I let him know how displeased I was with him. Neither I or my guests share this career and I thought he was totally rude and told him so the next morning. He apologised and has never done it again, so fair enough - as far as I am concerned it is over and done with now.

I am seriously considering giving up the book club I love because there are one or two people who will not give anyone else the chance to give their opinion. That's not just me - the lady who runs it has spoken to one woman in private and then in public when she wouldn't take it on board - she just does not see how rude she is.

What is it with a neighbour who nevers asks how I am when I say hello, but launches into a non-stop monologue on her health issues, and her family.

I've distanced myself from two or three people over the years because they haven't the social skills to have a two way conversation, and talk over me, interupt me and aren't interested in anything other than themselves. I don't think real friends do that.

I've just had a lady ask on FB what she has done wrong, as I constantly ignore her FB messages and never want to see her. I had a few friends round at the weekend and didn't invite her for the very reason that she is a loud, conversation hog. She found out I'd left her out and was very hurt and wanted to why.

I said I'd ring her and explain on one condition - she shut up and let me speak or I'd hang up. I've just told her what I said in the previous paragraph and just about managed to get through what I wanted to say before she started up with denials, and have just hung up because she won't let me speak.

I HATE these people... how does everyone else deal with these twats?

OP posts:

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 22/07/2014 09:57

You sound a bit scary tbh!

MaidOfStars · 22/07/2014 09:58

You sound a bit rude, TBH. You say that you managed to get out your entire argument to friend, then when she started a defence, you hung up because she wasn't letting you speak?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 22/07/2014 10:00

I'm amazed anyone speaks over you, you don't paint yourself as someone easily ignored.

You sound quite intimidating to be honest.

BigbyWolf · 22/07/2014 10:01

I have no idea how to deal with people like this, but I'm with you all the way.
By nature I am an introvert and can't stand being spoken over, interrupted, or just plain ignored by annoying extroverted loud people who love the sound of their own voice!
I tend to just stop talking, sigh inwardly, wonder why I bothered to even attempt to participate in a conversation and go home to read a nice book

Original poster

BigBadJane · 22/07/2014 10:02

Er and calling me a c**t isn't a reason for me to hang up?

OP posts:

Staryyeyedsurprise · 22/07/2014 10:02

StillStayingClassySanDiego
I'm amazed anyone speaks over you, you don't paint yourself as someone easily ignored. You sound quite intimidating to be honest

Agree.

Maybe they're speaking over you for a reason?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 22/07/2014 10:03

You didn't say she's called you a cunt in your OP?

PostHocErgoPropterHoc · 22/07/2014 10:03

and have just hung up because she won't let me speak.

Ha. Irony.

dawndonnaagain · 22/07/2014 10:04

Some people don't stop and think first. Did you? It doesn't sound like it. You don't want to hear what others have to say, but want to make it clear how you feel?

Original poster

BigBadJane · 22/07/2014 10:04

Thank you BigbyWolf. I didn't expect everyone to agree but you at least get me.

OP posts:

SinglePringle · 22/07/2014 10:07

Eh? As a PP pointed out, you rang your friend, told her all about herself and when you'd finished, she retaliated and you hung up?

Gosh...

Original poster

BigBadJane · 22/07/2014 10:07

I am quite shy to be honest. Sometimes writing down what I feel is what works for me better.

OP posts:

AnarchyRules · 22/07/2014 10:19

I understand - it's a nightmare. It's horrible when you think "oh no, it's her! We're going to be stuck here for 45 minutes hearing about how she avoided the door to door salesmen because she was helping get a thorn out of her neighbours friends cats foot! In every. Single. Minute. Detail."

I'd hate people to think that if they saw me coming :(

Also it's how they launch immediately into their monologue without asking how you are or even why you're there - recently popped by a relatives house unannounced (she's retired and says to pop by anytime) but for a reason and she opened the door, said hello and then flowed straight into an irrelevant story which went on 20 minutes

Frustrating!

BigbyWolf · 22/07/2014 10:20

I understand what you mean, I doubt you're a scary person in real life.

When you're naturally quiet, shy and/or introverted, it can be hard to hold a conversation with people who are naturally loud, confident and seem to have a lot to say. Doesn't mean they're rude, I think they just don't realise that some people don't have their natural ability to chat enthusiastically about anything and everything!

I'm hopeless at making small talk, so I avoid it. Maybe some people think I'm rude or anti-social. I don't know. But I'm perfectly capable of holding a meaningful, two-way conversation with another human being who's company I enjoy.

BigbyWolf · 22/07/2014 10:22

...of course there are the actual very rude people who won't shut up about themselves, and they of course, should be avoided like the plague...

Vintagejazz · 22/07/2014 10:30

I totally get where you're coming from OP. There is a woman I work with who constantly turns every conversation back to herself and her daughters and her nephews and nieces. No matter what the topic she will weigh in with 'well my niece....' followed by a long boring monologue. It drives me mad.

I have met other people like that too. They just take over the conversation and no one else gets a word in. It's very annoying.

Vintagejazz · 22/07/2014 10:31

I think you're getting a very unfair drubbing on here, by the way.

TalcumPowder · 22/07/2014 10:33

I like the sound of you, OP. The last time there was a thread about this, it was full of people saying 'there's nothing I can do, X the conversation hog just won't stop talking for long enough for me to say anything about it.'

I grew up with a doormat mother who spent her entire life being talked at by talkative bores, and was shocked when, in my teens, I began saying 'It was nice to see you, but we have to go. Bye' in mid-monologue when we encountered them together. There are still people she knows only casually who phone her up and bend her ear for an hour and a half at mealtimes about family members of theirs she has never met. I think some assertiveness on this issue is an excellent thing.

angelos02 · 22/07/2014 10:37

YABNU

I used to work with someone that just could not read my body language that was screaming out 'I am too busy to talk...shut up'! I could literally turn my back to her or start edging out of the room....nope....still kept talking.

moodyblues · 22/07/2014 10:40

I went out to dinner with some female friends the other night and one woman totally dominated the evening with her monologues about her weekends away, her children, her house renovations so on and so on. Was totally frustrating and disappointing and no one else in the group got a chance to share what has been happening in our lives.

I don't feel able to tell her how obnoxiously she has been behaving recently so I just shan't socialise with her anymore and that's a 22 year friendship down the toilet!

Well done to you op for standing up for yourself.

Wonc · 22/07/2014 10:43

Yanbu.

I know so many of these self-absorbed people. They just never seen to realise.

sinisterfish · 22/07/2014 10:44

i like the op too

Original poster

BigBadJane · 22/07/2014 10:45

I came on here to vent about something that has annoyed me a great deal all my adult life. I'm pissed off so what I have written can be taken in any number of ways.

So people aren't all going to agree with me. But I stand by what I said.

In the case of my probably ex friend my frustration with her built up to such a degree that I simply kept my distance. She wanted to know why and I let it all out in a way that was probably a bit OTT but I didn't swear. When I got that response as far I was concerned the conversation was over.

I have suspected she might have bi-polar for some time for a number of reasons including this, but didn't feel she was obliged to tell me. She just emailed me and apologised for the swearing and confirmed she does suffer from this condition. She says she knows she is a "motor mouth" as she puts it, but can't help herself at times.

I have replied saying I accept her apology and said I was sorry too and that I could have handled this better. Silence so far but if she does come back at least I know why she does this and can make allowances.

OP posts:

CrapBag · 22/07/2014 10:48

I do get what you mean. I seem to be one of those people who frequently trail off my sentence because people just talk over me. I don't know why they do it. I always listen to the person who is talking (even if they are talking a lot) but I always get talked over. It makes me feel like I am just not interesting.

The problem is if I cut out everyone who did this, I would constantly have very little friends left.

Your OP does come across as quite scary though, although I am assuming its because you are at the end of your tether and not because you come across like that in RL? If she called you a c**t then you should have put that in your OP, then the hanging up would have immediately been justified. I can see from her point of view though that you excluding just her does look shitty. She clearly had no idea of what she had done wrong. What did you actually say to her in the phone conversation?

ImperialBlether · 22/07/2014 10:49

I agree with you, OP, and can only think that those who disagree with you are the type you are complaining about.

One thing I've noticed is that people who are like this believe anyone who says anything at all is hogging the conversation.

As far as the book club is concerned, you shouldn't leave. The woman hosting it should take control (if you all want to stay friends) and should ask specific people what they think. It's awful that she's spoken to the woman in private (which most people would find cringeworthy) and yet there's still no difference.

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