Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

How did you find out your DH was cheating?

61 replies

ElvisLove · 21/07/2014 23:00

As you'll guess from my title, I suspect something might be going on with my DH. I'm not sure why. He is away a lot with work but I have nothing to go on except a feeling.

He has a separate bank account, a work phone that I do not have the password to, and is away once a fortnight for a few nights at a time. He is often a little late home from work.

I have had access to the bank account and phone in the past and have never found anything on them to be concerned about.

If you have been in my position, how did things come to light?

OP posts:

MorphineDreams · 22/07/2014 13:50

This is my ex:

-found messages on facebook
-he came home with grass stains on his knees
-found phone messages
-the girl told me
-his friend told me

SaucyJack · 22/07/2014 13:53

He (ex) starting taking his phone everywhere. Even to the loo in the middle of the night if he got up for a quick piss.

MorphineDreams · 22/07/2014 13:55

I do that because I like playing on Bejewelled ^

SaucyJack · 22/07/2014 14:07

Fair point- but this was back in the olden days when phones just did calls/texts.

Plus, when I finally got hold of it he was most definitely trying to hide messages from the fat slag barmaid from the pub.

MorphineDreams · 22/07/2014 14:08

fat slag barmaid from the pub

ROFL

Staryyeyedsurprise · 22/07/2014 14:11

I laughed at that too.

GiantTurtle · 22/07/2014 14:19

In a situation like this, what can the OP actually do? She has no real reason to suspect, just a bad feeling.

Katiepoes · 22/07/2014 14:23

I walked in on the ratfaced shitbag and the tacky cow. It was like a scene from Eastenders, with hindsight I had clues but was too young to pick up on them. We went out a few times as couples, Ratface played football with her husband - there was a vibe between the two of them and several times I though I caught looks but shrugged it off.

OP can you ask him straight out? Hard I know, but that is he/isn't he feeling is worse.

PTFsWife · 22/07/2014 15:39

He came home one day and told me that he had had an affair, that it was over and that he knew it was the most stupid, selfish thing he had ever done.

Before that, I didn't have a clue. In hindsight he started to really take care of how he looked, he seemed to exude some kind of inner confidence and he worked away from home even more regularly than he usually did.

hellsbellsmelons · 22/07/2014 16:12

I just knew something was wrong.
Started to keep a diary of his odd behaviour.
He started to lose a bit of weight and dress a bit better.
Then I decided I had to know so confronted him.
He denied it of course.
Then one day, when he was away with DD, I checked the phone bills.
And there was the evidence, plain as day.
It started in the December and I didn't fully find out until the August.
Don't waste months of your life wondering.
I think we like to 'hope' nothing is going on and bury our heads a bit.

Women have great gut instincts.
Trust yours.

hellsbellsmelons · 22/07/2014 16:14

Ohhhh yeah - very protective over his phone.
Major give away for me!

statementtotheedge · 22/07/2014 16:17

Weirdness over his phone one evening so I accessed his online orange account and found proof. He had been causing arguments during it, had started to wear his wedding ring and suggested we could start trying for a third child.

Writerwannabe83 · 22/07/2014 17:22

Not my DH, but my long term relationship before that : I found out he was cheating because the OW contacted me to let me know. We arranged to meet up for a coffee and she was able to prove to me that DP was a lying shit

ChampagneTastes · 22/07/2014 17:29

Slightly off topic but finding this thread a bit worrying since I've started doing lots of these things in the last couple of months and I'm definitely not having an affair! Hope my DH doesn't read this thread and panic!

Nancy66 · 22/07/2014 17:38

If he goes away a lot for work does he give you details of where he is staying? If not could you ask? If anything is going on he'll probably be cautious about telling you where he is staying.

Beavie · 22/07/2014 17:45

My df suspected my dm was cheating, so he told her he needed her car for the day so she had to take his. His was a land rover with a distinctive white roof. Then he got in his 4 seater plane which he kept on our farm, and went looking for her at suspected om's house. He found his car and swooped down as low as he could, so they knew they'd been rumbled.

CatKisser · 22/07/2014 17:55

I knew something wasn't right after he'd been to visit his brother in Glasgow so snooped his emails. Discovered a delightful convo between the two of them discussing the weekend, including the line "did Cat find out about

hamptoncourt · 22/07/2014 18:34

Have you asked him?

I would trust your gut.

owlborn · 22/07/2014 19:12

I was totally oblivious. I knew he was getting distant and didn't want me to be around and kept hanging out with a group of friends who weren't our friends, but were his (a lot of our old mutual friends felt quite abandoned by him too), but I knew he'd been going through a lot emotionally and thought he just needed space.

I was even totally oblivious when he insisted that for my birthday weekend (I was planning on just seeing my sisters for a crafty workshop day out as a special treat) he a couple of these friends over, and then asked for the OW to crash on our sofa as her train was cancelled due to snow.

My crafty day was cancelled due to said snow, so I ended up not going, and he decided he'd walk OW to the train station. I was still oblivious_. Then I walked out after him, quite coincidentally, to get something from the car and saw them walking down the road holding hands. I thought that looked odd so I followed them. They didn't look back or notice me, so I kept going, half convinced I was seeing things and there was a totally innocent explanation for this. It wasn't until they stopped for a good snog as soon as they got round the corner that it really hit home.

Happy birthday to me!

(Goodness. It was years ago and I still feel a bit sick writing about that. Horrible horrible day.)

Marcipex · 22/07/2014 19:17

She came to the house, it was about 10 at night, and said when I answered the door 'Haven't you always wondered what I'm like, nows your chance to find out, I'm SBXs girlfriend.'

I hadn't always wondered what she was like because I'd had no idea she existed.

CrimeaRiver · 22/07/2014 19:28

Beavie

Greenrememberedhills · 22/07/2014 20:43

Trust your gut instinct.

I ignored mine for a long time.

Mine was concerned for me to get breaks away, too. A guilty conscience.

grannytomine · 22/07/2014 21:04

She phoned and asked to meet me. We had been married 11 days.

Noddytime · 22/07/2014 21:04

Have you thought about tracking his phone? To see if his work trips are taking him where he says he will be? I've no idea how but am pretty sure there is software out there that could do that.

grannytomine · 22/07/2014 21:06

Oh and she was pregnant. He wasn't pleased when confronted.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread