and thus the wave of "when are you getting married begins"....

[DoomDeer]

DP and I have been together for coming up to 6 years, engaged for 4 years and have dd together. We're happy as we are, we would love to get married but simply can't afford it, yes we could go to ythe registry and do it cheaply but its a celebration and we want to have our special dau (excuse me while I throw up in my mouth at the slushiness).

Fmy sister got engaged last week, I've been helping her with the planning...I love helping her, I'm really happy she's getting engaged and can afford to have her wedding straight away (yes, a little jealous don't flame me). The bit that's really grinding me is other people examples I've had so far

"You could have a double wedding" sister and I have vastly different tastes.

"When are you and DP getting married, its been so long" When we can afford to.

The list goes on. I swear if I get one more comment I'm going to tell them to feck off, its not about me its about my sister! She's the one getting married, they should be cooing over her not bombarding me with questions. Ah fa jebus.

''feck off, its not about me its about my sister! She's the one getting married, [you] should be cooing over her''

... is exactly what you need to be saying IMO Seriously.

May have to put into more polite terms though, its mainly relatives and the like, doing my nut in.

You sound like a truly lovely sister. Tis all.

Say 30th February :)

You sound like a nice sister.

Haha, Icansee I'm stealing that one, even if it did take me a minute. rubs eyes, yawns and blames tiredness

You sound like an awesome sister :)

DD is 3 we've already had the "so when you having no.2?" Why are people so annoying? No wonder I love my computer.

But why do people get engaged for decades? I thought being engaged was a short prelude to marriage?

"Well it won't be this year, we don't want to steal DSis's limelight!"

Galavanised, was never the plan neither was DD if you get my drift.

I have to say personally I don't get this. You and your DP are living together, sharing a life together, doing all the things a married couple would do. So if you got married, what would change about your lives?

If you want the legal protection that marriage offers, get down the register office and do it.

If you just want a party, then I have to ask, what is the point?! Yes it would be lovely to have your families there to affirm your love. But to all intents and purposes, you live as a married couple right? So why bother with all the fuss.

(Just my disclaimer - I'm a big believer in marriage. But surely marriage is about choosing to spend your lives as a partnership. When you're just doing that already, what's the point of the big expensive party?)

Sorry to be harsh but you shouldn't have got engaged then

I get it, and it was never the plan to be engaged this long. We got engaged started planning and then found out that we were having dd, we've always been tight on money so we put dd first and started saving for what we'd need instead of a wedding. Family is important to us and I'd want them to be there, hence the not just going down to registry office.

I think what irks me most is that, its my sisters and her fiancée s big day, the attention should be on them not DP and I.

Plus it'd be a bit weird to just get unengaged, do people actually do that?

"Sorry, this isn't moving as quickly as I'd hoped. Give me the ring back, I'll propose again at some point."

Can't see the point of being engaged and not having any clue when you will get married. You might as well call the engagement off.

Clearly yiu don't want to get married,tahrs ok.you're not compelled to marry him
But if your simply hanging back for right dress,venue,canapés,I don't understand
If yiu both wanted to be married,you do it.clearly you both don't want to

DP and I will have been engaged 18 years this year! Don't rush into anything, and enjoy your sister's wedding!

Congratulations Leeds2! And thank you, I'm sure it's going to be an amazing wedding. I, of course, have helped to plan it.

Engaged 18 years? Surely getting engaged us essentially saying 'I am ready to get married'. If you're not ready to step into marriage, what the hell is the point in getting engaged? The pretty ring and the lovely story?

I find engagement v antiquated,but I think if your going to get engaged do marry sharpish

Don't understand it either. Not just a piece of paper. Have you sorted everything out? Home ownership, wills etc.

Once you've been together more than a decade and had a couple of DC, people stop asking as often .

Seriously though, if marriage is important to you (and it sounds like it is), I'd have the registry office now and the party/ celebration/ blessing/ renewal of vows when the money is available.

More important than saving for right venue,right do.sort out your cohabitation
Is the property joint owned?
do you have wills?
Are you his medical nok.he can nominate yiu nok.dont need to be married.do it via GP

I get this totally OP. I've been engaged to OH for two years, was always the plan to marry within two years.
Lo and behold, am accidental pregnancy later and the wedding is on hold until good knows when. Why should I hand my ring back and force him to go through the rigmarole of proposing again? What effect does it have on you if I have committed to marry my DP but don't know when it'll be ?