and thus the wave of "when are you getting married begins"....

[DoomDeer]

DP and I have been together for coming up to 6 years, engaged for 4 years and have dd together. We're happy as we are, we would love to get married but simply can't afford it, yes we could go to ythe registry and do it cheaply but its a celebration and we want to have our special dau (excuse me while I throw up in my mouth at the slushiness).

Fmy sister got engaged last week, I've been helping her with the planning...I love helping her, I'm really happy she's getting engaged and can afford to have her wedding straight away (yes, a little jealous don't flame me). The bit that's really grinding me is other people examples I've had so far

"You could have a double wedding" sister and I have vastly different tastes.

"When are you and DP getting married, its been so long" When we can afford to.

The list goes on. I swear if I get one more comment I'm going to tell them to feck off, its not about me its about my sister! She's the one getting married, they should be cooing over her not bombarding me with questions. Ah fa jebus.

Oh and of course I want to marry him and he wants to marry me, but I want to marry him in a pretty dress and a nice venue. What a dreadful person I am

So are you saving up for a wedding then? Because I get what you are saying about the special day, and it's OK to want that if that's how you feel, but from what you're saying it seems as if you've decided you can't afford the big day right now so have stuck with being engaged, but you're not actually doing anything to make it happen.

If you don't think you'll ever be able to afford it, or not for a very long time, then I'd be fairly straight about that with people. Something like:

'We'd love to get married but we're such perfectionists we want a perfect day and we can't afford it. So we'll probably end up combining it with DD's 18th birthday party! Good job we're really happy as we are'.

I think if you both wanted to marry,you'd do it.froth about dress,venue.its all excuse

In

Ah bugger.

I'm fairly sure we know or own mind better than you do

Since when are other people allowed to have wishing wells and bank details at their wedding and I can't have a nice dress or I obviously don't want to get married?

mumsnet logic...

You sound like a lovely sister

And be glad that you wont get what I did at my younger sister's wedding when I was 33 and single: highlights included "You must feel terrible being here on your own at your little sister's wedding", "We would have expected you to get married first, what with you being the oldest," and "Did you bring a hot date? No? Aww what a shame." Piss off!!

The thing is, it's not unreasonable for people to ask you when you're getting married. Because that's what being engaged is.

Of course you can wait for as long as you want, but I'm not sure you can stop the questions - because they're actually reasonable questions to ask.

Your logic is you really want to get married?there no impediment,you have home,child
But what really matters is dress,venue,catering?so for that reason you'll not marry?
In that case,yes I think you or him not as serious about getting married as you think you are

-.-
Don't own our house, can't afford a house. We are each others next of kin, and we have no savings but I could write a will give him my computer games and computer if he gives me his DVD collection.

Just to reiterate here we are going to get married, we just don't want to put ourselves in debt over it. Even if it is the 400 quid for a registry office. Plus it's !my sister as time to shine right now, not mine.

I dont think shed be best pleased if I told her "some people on MN told me to get married, so I did."
Equally I don't think my DP would be best pleased if told him
"Some people on MN think we're dawdling on this whole marriage thing, so I'm calling off the engagement"

Also, I actually hate dresses. I don't care about venue and catering never said I did. All I said is that WE wanted OUR families to be there to join the celebration. I know I'm so selfish -.-

Don't own our house, can't afford a registry office wedding if we want to still afford food and rent. But clearly wanting to keep a roof over DD's head and feed her means I can't wasn't too get married that much