To believe that the common "rule" whereby the cook doesn't lift a finger after the meal...

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

Is unfairly weighted in favour of the cook?
Reasons being:
The cook often chooses the meal.
The cook gets all the glory.
The aftermath rarely involves simply washing up or loading the dishwasher, there's usually much cleaning and clearing to be done.
The cook gets to do their bit before the meal and wine so the hapless clearer-upper has to leap into action at the most uncomfortable time, while the smug cook leans back with a drink.

Nobody thanks the clearer upper.

We have this general rule and I make the more elaborate meals but:

DH complains like mad if I don't clear up the prep dishes as I go (so I get to do the same).
Cleaning up after the toddler is not always the kitchen cleaner-upper's job (as it's in the dining room) and is often left over from lunch separately negotiated.

I'm a crap cook and my partner is really good at it, I'd do any amount of cleaning for the sake of eating something he's cooked.

Our usual routine is that after dinner we take plates out and leave all the mess for the next day. When it's time to think about making more food, we put some music on or the radio and I wash up while he cooks. This means we're both in the kitchen chatting etc at the same time so the cleaning isn't lonely.

We are working on a) scraping and rinsing plates so they're not too nasty sitting around for a day before they're washed properly, and b) leaving things to soak which will be 100 times harder to clean when the crap has dried.

Wouldn't work for everyone and in fact probably wouldn't really work with more than 2 people in the house, but it works ok for us.

catsofa - we always put stuff into soak as well. If DH forgets to put stuff into soak, then he gets to wash it up, regardless of whose turn it is - I found that worked pretty well!

It was on MN I first heard it described as a "rule"
Clearly made by someone who hasn't seen the kitchen after my dh has cooked.

Opposite ends of the spectrum, maybe NotBatman - mum was far from a perfectionist, she just didn't have the energy to make my brother do it until it was actually clean, it was quicker and easier for her to do it herself. We're not talking perfection here, just hygienically clean!

Yeah, she was, and is, a bit odd about cleanliness. The energy she puts into "winning" is just ridiculous sometimes. But I'm one to talk.

We've learned to just agree to disagree. Otherwise we'd kill each other. :)

I grew up with this rule, and I think it's pretty fair. If I have to clear up after I've cooked I get very very resentful. Cooking is a hassle which I'd rather not have to do, and if I have to then do the washing up as well then I feel like an unappreciated skivvy.

dh grew up looking after himself mostly (main meal at lunch, sandwich in the evening) and feels that the cook should also clear up as they made the mess. To be fair he makes much less mess than I do.

Recipe for both of us getting really pissed off. Luckily now we have teenagers we make whichever of them didn't help cook do the washing up (we all clear up together). dh still has a bit of a tendency to wander off on my cooking days but now it annoys the children instead of me!

We follow it as a general rule but the cook does need to clear up as they go along. It seems fair.

Yes. I can see that you can't have the cook doing everything.
That's obviously unfair.
I just feel dispair at the end of a meal when dh has cooked because of the carnage in the kitchen.

Jux "dh said that he thought when he got married it meant he would never have to wash up again."

Did he want a wife, or a mother, when he married you?

YANBU. I changed the rules in our house. S/he who cooks also washes/clears up.

I was fed up with the bomb site our kitchen became when DH cooked. I'm a "clear up as you go" person. He isn't.

We don't have this rule. In our house the cook cleans up afterwards. I'm exceptionally tidy in the kitchen and after I've cooked there's only the last minute stuff to be cleared up. Just a minute or two of work. DH is like a hurricane and clearing up after him takes hours. No flipping way is he getting to clear up after me and leaving me to clear up his mess.

Because I'm usually washing up while my partner is cooking, things used in cooking mostly do get washed up as he goes along, although it's me doing that rather than the cook. Usually only the plates and cutlery are left til the next day, plus burnt-on stuff in pans etc which need to soak anyway.

I guess I just feel a bit crap sitting there mumsnetting doing whatever I like when my DP is doing chores of any kind really. We tend to take a job each and then if one of us finishes first then we either find a bit of something else to clean or sort out, or go and help the other.

So if I finished washing up while DP was still busy sorting out our food then I'd ask if he wanted me to help with food prep so his work is finished quicker, and if not then I'd go and take the bins out, sort the recycling, put toys or washing away, find something else to clean or fix or whatever. If he cooks me something really complicated then the house is sparkling by the time we sit down to eat it!

Depends who's doing the cooking. If I cook, there's very little to do in the way of clearing up

However, if dh cooks it's a different matter. Every pot, pan and utensil we own will have been used and not washed up as he goes along. Plus everything else he's used during the day and not washed up/put in the dishwasher will still be left out.

I absolutely refuse to clear up after him. He also leaves stuff to soak overnight hoping that I'll deal with it in the morning. It can be there for days and he has to cave in and deal with it eventually because I won't touch it.

my dh is like hpthat punkrockergirl
Kitchen whole house like a bomb site!

It's a principle rather than a rule in this house. I cook (and shop and meal plan); DS1 clears the table; DH loads the dishwasher, washes the surfaces and vacuums the kitchen (he insists on doing it every day). My tasks take the longest and the most effort by quite some margin.

Mmm. Food for thought ppl.
Thanks
I think my bigger issue then is that I would be happy to meal plan and cook most of the week. The kids like the food I make.mits nutritious. But dh always wants something a bit more... Special/ to his choosing. So he usually cooks.
My meal plan takes into account my very tight schedule and I clear as I go. I'm quite tidy in the kitchen. He will make a more luxurious meal but there'll be a phenomenal mess.
I have an ongoing battle for control