To believe that the common "rule" whereby the cook doesn't lift a finger after the meal...

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

Is unfairly weighted in favour of the cook?
Reasons being:
The cook often chooses the meal.
The cook gets all the glory.
The aftermath rarely involves simply washing up or loading the dishwasher, there's usually much cleaning and clearing to be done.
The cook gets to do their bit before the meal and wine so the hapless clearer-upper has to leap into action at the most uncomfortable time, while the smug cook leans back with a drink.

Nobody thanks the clearer upper.

It depends on the individuals tbh.

I would never let my mum clear up after cooking dinner (now we are adults). Equally if she came to mine, she would clear if DH and I prepped and cooked.

But when DH cooks, he cleans up, and vice versa when I cook. This is because he is a messy bastard and it's miserable in the kitchen after, whereas I clean up as I go along.

We also split the cooking duties pretty evenly so it's fair, some homes might not do this.

We don't have that rule in our house although as I do all the cooking I'm tempted to try and introduce it!

While I'm cooking DH will be working on something else (house stuff, business stuff or looking after boys). We all eat, we all help to clear up (including boys). If DH does dishwasher / washing up etc then I'll be making packed lunches for the next day and vice versa.

We both sit down flop in front of mindless tv at the same time each night. If DH had to do all the clearing up without help I'd be sat down ages before him and I'd feel guilty.

YABU as DH is a cooking refuser.

Yes, sometimes I enjoy cooking and do a 'every pan in the house' extravaganza. But there is also boring cooking when I'm tired and would rather not bother.

He never cooks. I have clearing up. We are jointly grateful to each other but he fills the dishwasher wrong

We clear up as we go here, so after dinner there isn't usually much left to do, just plates, cutlery etc that can go in the dishwasher. If a big pan or roasting dish was used it's normally been soaking as we ate so it's no bother to sort it out quickly after eating. My dh, who doesn't normally cook, will do what washing up there is to do while I fill dishwasher, then I might dry the dishes if there is more than usual or make the cups of tea. Never takes more than 5-10 mins normally.

If I go to my parent's place for a meal, I will offer to wash up. Just as a token of appreciation.

At home I am cook, washer-upper, putter-awayer, shopper, menu-planner and chief-disher-upper. not to mention side-wiper, laundry-woman, floor-sweeper etc etc (single mum)

I have to disagree.
I'd FAR rather load the dishwasher / wipe around, than cook.
Having the rule in place, does make cooking a more attractive option for teens though - who don't mind cooking but hate the cleaning up afterwards.
Would suit me down to the ground it I never had to cook again, ever.

In our house whoever isn't cooking or washing up gets the kids

I'm usually happy to cook AND wash up - shut the kitchen door, put the radio on
PEACE

The rule applies on special occasions such as dinner parties and Christmas Day.

On all other occasions the cook is only absolved of clearing up if they have used the kitchen in a responsible fashion.

Hence my one pot meal that requires a big frying pan, big knife, wooden spoon and chopping board and provides 6 meals absolves me.

You should consider the clearer upper when you cook.

We don't have that rule in our house.

I cook, but tend to tidy and wash as much up as I go.

After the meal we all pitch in with the final washing up and cleaning the kitchen and dining room.

I was shattered at 5pm today after a 10 hour shift on my feet but as soon as I got home I started cooking.

If I had to wash up too I would cry.

I usually put 2-3 times as much energy into planning an executing a meal as the washer upperer puts into cleaning up afterwards.

YABU.

And i cook because starving kids aren't a barrel of laughs.

As your DH is such a messy cook, i do sympathise with you for your clearing up job, mind. I always cook and DH usually starts washing up by emptying a full drainer.

Hmm I used to have a dp that couldn't ( wouldn't?) Cook and so I had to do it all. When it was his turn to cook he'd buy ready made pasta, sauce, salad. Yuk.

But, even tho I cooked, bastard still didn't wash up!

Wonder why he's my ex..?

Either dh or I cook and the teenagers are responsible for clearing away, loading and unloading dishwasher. They moan like buggery about it most of the time, but I figure we feed them, clothe them, clean the house, take them on holidays, one of them has a horse (the other isn't interested, in anything, despite a multitude of offers, don't get me started). We think it's character building for them to learn to do at least one chore. Well that's what we tell them anyway. Truth is after working all day, looking after 4kids, cooking, cleaning, and doing the animals we are too knackered to do the dishwasher. Least they can do.

We don't have that rule in our house.

What?? I have never heard this rule. Now I feel I have been terribly deceived.

We used to have a rota where one person cooked, someone else washed up, but the endless whining from the kids on their turn to wash up (the cook used too many pans, deliberately made a mess, blah blah blah) was too much for me. Now the cook washes.

I cook and clean up. I prefer it this way because:

1. I put everything back in the right place.
2. Cooking and washing up are two chores among many. If DW is doing her fair share overall I've nothing to complain about. If she isn't, that's a separate issue.
3. It's just easier I don't like DW's cooking and she makes a hellish mess
4. I listen to NZ National or Radio 4 while I do it, which makes it more tolerable to me than most other chores.

We have 2 separate rotas - one for cooking and one for washing up. DH doesn't like washing up and he hates doing anything after the evening meal so he often leaves it - the more he leaves it, the more there is to do of course.
(Yes, this sounds minging to lots of people, it's still what we do).
Crockery, glasses, mugs, cutlery go in the dishwasher after every meal; but it's the pots and bone-handled knives that have to be handwashed.

DH is also of the "use every fecking pot to cook a simple meal" persuasion, whereas I can cook a whole meal in one pot sometimes, and I mostly clear up as I go. So I would have ended up being very resentful of clearing up after DH every time, when he would have got a very easy ride clearing up after me! Hence the separate rotas.

He whinges like a toddler when there's a lot of washing up to do - but it's his own fault, if he leaves it so long that there is a lot! And it's not my problem if it looks like I have less to do because I choose to do it sooner than he does!

My Dad's parents had the rule that Grandpa would always wash up after the meal, but only after he retired - prior to that Grandma did it all. My parents didn't have that rule either; Dad very rarely washed up - he'd do the breakfast things but never the dinner ones. Mum got a dishwasher. When we got bigger, we took turns to do the washing up but my brother was deliberately shite at it, and Mum cba to make him do it again and again until he got it right, so she would re-do it - I don't know if he's any better at it now.

Oh and I put in a separate rule with regards to the dishwasher, because apart from the dinner things, DH would just leave his stuff on the counter above it rather than putting it in. After a couple of years of dragging him to the kitchen to put his stuff in (Petty? Maybe) I gave in and made a new rule - now I will put his stuff in the dishwasher whenever he "forgets" but he has to be the one who empties it. DS1 does help though (he also puts his own stuff into the dishwasher, now he's 6 and can open the door easily).

I have long believed the same OP. Surprised at the number of cooks, clearer-uppers and bottlewashers though! That is definitely unfair.

I've never even heard of that rule!

When we first got married, I tried to negotiate it though, but dh said that he thought when he got married it meant he would never have to wash up again. I argued. I thought we'd agreed. It became clear that dh's tolerance to used plates hanging about in the kitchen was greater than mine.

We now have a dishwasher.

I would rather do dishes than cook and plan meals. If this is a problem why not just alternate what days you cook?

I actually don't mind doing dishes or doing laundry. It's my time alone to just relax and ponder the world.

Also, clean up when it's convenient for you. The world won't stop turning if dishes wait until later. Life's too short. :)

When we got bigger, we took turns to do the washing up but my brother was deliberately shite at it, and Mum cba to make him do it again and again until he got it right, so she would re-do it

My mother was a stubborn persistent woman. I had to redo it each and every time. She also was a perfectionist with other cleaning, and had us all redo the cleaning if we didn't do it to her standards.

She despairs that her neurotic habits did not rub off on us. I swear she genuinely has OCD as she gets very stressed and repetitively cleans at the first sign of a spec of dust.

Opposite ends of the spectrum, maybe NotBatman - mum was far from a perfectionist, she just didn't have the energy to make my brother do it until it was actually clean, it was quicker and easier for her to do it herself. We're not talking perfection here, just hygienically clean!