Her fear is very, very real and it will take her a long, long time to trust that the police or anyone else can protect her or her children. Indeed, at the moment, it is very likely that she believes that the only thing that can protect her children is her compliance to his will and she will know that she can't protect them if she's dead.
A few facts, from www.refuge.org.uk/. It's probably unlikely that this woman, or other women in similar situations, know that these things have found to be facts, but ... not strangely ... these women probably know this stuff instinctively, anyway.
- Over 2 women are killed every week in England and Wales by a current or former partner.
- 1 woman is killed every 3 days.
- On average, a woman is assaulted 35 times before her first call to the police.
- In over 50% of known domestic violence cases, children were also directly abuse.
- Foetal morbidity from violence is more prevalent than gestational diabetes or pre-eclampsia.
www.womensaid.org.uk/ say this ... and these women probably know all this, too.
- If the police arrest your abuser, it can act as a deterrent against re-offending, at least for a short time.
- Arrest does not necessarily lead to a charge.
- Prosecution does not in itself guarantee protection or safety in the long term, and there may be increased danger of reprisals from a vengeful partner or ex-partner.
I think you are very brave by working with the police to bring charges, unluckyineverything, and I really hope you are able to stick with it and see it through. Well done!
Do try and understand, though, that (for the time being, anyway) none of this will mitigate her fears.
It is hugely upsetting and frustrating ... especially now you have been assaulted too ... but please, please try and stay her friend and not judge her reactions, no matter how pathetic, illogical or strange they seem to you ... they are actually totally normal.
Thank you for being there. 