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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset my friends didn't get me a birthday present?

62 replies

lau55 · 20/07/2014 11:00

Ok so if course I don't expect presents, I don't need anything and so on that I probably am being unreasonable but for some reason this has upset me (pregnancy hormones and depression probably not helping)

Ok, so a few weeks ago it was my bday but for some reason this has stayed in my mind. We went out for a meal with friends, most brought small pressies but 2 just bought me cards. 1 of these is the one I am upset about, I consider her my closest friend in the group, and always go out of my way to get her something nice. She normally does the same for me. In fact it was her bday recently and although we weren't invited to celebrate it with her (she didn't do anything) we still got her a pressie and gave it when we next saw her. It feels like maybe she does not want to be close friends anymore.

So go on then hit me, aibu?

OP posts:

KellyElly · 20/07/2014 19:44

pictish No, but then that's me. None of my circle of friends buy each other birthday or Christmas present, or cards for that matter.

Dutch1e · 20/07/2014 20:02

How pregnant are you? Has there been (or will there be) a baby present?

Dutch1e · 20/07/2014 20:02

Only asked as it may be a big year for prezzies for you and her bank account is feeling the pinch?

Original poster

lau55 · 20/07/2014 20:10

I guess it could be that dutch1e, I am 28 weeks. She has just been promoted but of course you never really know what people's situations are.

OP posts:

Dutch1e · 20/07/2014 20:53

True, you never know.

Maybe next time you speak you could just say thanks to her, and that her coming for dinner and drinks was a great birthday present. If there's a way to say that without sounding insincere, maybe she'll feel let off the hook of not realising that you had hoped for an extra one

There's a chance that the poor girl felt a bit shamefaced for not thinking to bring a trinket as well as the cost of a meal out?

Original poster

lau55 · 21/07/2014 13:39

Possibly dutch1e. I'm not going to mention it to her, not sure if I will get her dh a pressie for his bday like we normally do or to take the hint that they don't want to do presses.

OP posts:

HaroldLloyd · 21/07/2014 13:41

Maybe she couldn't afford to get a present and a meal out and she assumed you would just be glad she came to the meal.

Honestly if she didn't want to be your friend any more she wouldn't have bothered to come, especially when she didn't have a meal out on her birthday.

Meals can be expensive and I certainly factor that in when thinking about presents, you can't have it all.

Nanny0gg · 21/07/2014 13:45

If you have always bought each other presents then that is how it should be. If you are close friends and she couldn't afford it then she should have said so and that would be a perfectly reasonable reason or if she didn't want to buy presents anymore she should have said at the beginning of the year - not after you have bought for her.

^^This.

SallyMcgally · 21/07/2014 13:51

I don't think you're being unreasonable. You've always bought each other presents, and you had done so just recently for her. That's not being grabby; that's being confused because something's shifted in the relationship. I think it was slightly odd of her not to say something about it. I don't imagine you'd have minded if she'd given you a big hug and said she was strapped for cash so couldn't get you a present this year, or written something especially lovely in your card instead. Nor do I think it's unreasonable to hope that once a year you might be made to feel a bit special even if you are over 18.

Dizzywizz · 21/07/2014 19:34

Sorry, name changed! Yes, if she had explained she could not continue to do pressies of course that would have been ok, it is the sudden shift that has left me wondering what has gone wrong.

Zucker · 22/07/2014 13:52

Maybe she just thinks you're too old to be giving each other presents? Nothing more sinister than that

Could well be but she shouldn't have accepted the gift the OP gave her recently then!

Zucker · 22/07/2014 13:57

Nor do I think it's unreasonable to hope that once a year you might be made to feel a bit special even if you are over 18.

Completely agree. Birthday threads on MN always make me feel a bit sad really. There should be one day in the year where a person is allowed to feel special. Ignore Christmas and the mass present giving if you want, but allow people to have one day for themselves if they want it.

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