To think my new colleagues are being very childish

[Elise101]

I started a new job a month ago and in the company I work for, they often use people's initials to refer to them in bulletins, emails and meetings etc. My initials are RC and this has been the butt of everyone's joke constantly. The first time I could understand as it is quite funny due to it sounding like 'arsey'. But literally every day someone makes a comment or starts laughing in my face about it.

AIBU to think this is rude and childish? I'm talking about a range of people, most of them over 35. I didn't mind the first time but I'm getting sick of it and it's making me feel irritated now, as it's not like I can change my name. Nobody in my life has ever said anything until now. My boss is now suggesting I use my middle name initial as RC isn't appropriate!!

And fwiw I did have my name constantly mocked at school and it still happens now - but having been the subject of genuine bullying/harassment in the workplace in the past, I just don't see it's that big a deal. I get that the OP doesn't like it or find it funny but ignoring it would probably get more of a result.

My workplace code names sound like, whore and, er ho. My real name sounds, to the hard of thinking, like an intimate body part, so I know what I'm on about.

In no way put up with jokes. I've had these names for more than 10 years and never had a joke.

If anyone wants a larf, try getting them to imagine co-workers with the name Shittu or Pretty Smellie and then telling why they should suck it up if others mock them.

Or would the fact that that the former is West African, the latter Indian, scare them off?

What wankers.

So you might not think it's that big a deal. The OP does.
So would you tell your child it was no big deal?
What constitutes "genuine harassment" in your book?
Oh, and I had to leave my last career due to bullying.

And I don't see the relevance of it being said to a child - the OP is presumably a grown adult.

And if the OP can ignore it, I am sure people will get bored of it eventually.

Yup, childish as hell! I wouldn't have gotten the relevance of RC if you hadn't said it. Then again I don't think like a 12 year old boy.

At what age are you expected just to suck up bullying behaviour then, Anarchy99?

The joke has been made repeatedly already.

Loving Anarchy's if you ignore it they'll get bored of (sic) it.

Ignore nigger, bitch, cunt versions of a name.

Why don't you?

so let's all pick on Anarchy for having a different opinion...

Some of us don't consider a bit of office banter to be bullying, and would feel fine dealing with it ourselves - since part of growing up is learning how to deal with complete idiots in all walks of life....

the name calling concerned is "arsey" - not racist/sexist/homophobic nor particularly clever

There are 2 schools of thought - "sticks and stones may break my bones but names......"

1. "will never hurt me"
2. "may break my heart"

I (and from the looks of it Anarchy - sorry if that is the wrong conclusion) are of the first persuasion, others of the second.

Where do you get the "picking on" of Anarchy. I thought it was engagement with his/her arguments. Such as they are.

Just aShopGirl your assertions about "banter" not being bullying are precisely those used by bullies: get a sense a humour, why don't you?

I don't think some people bother reading the full thread. The points you raise have been covered JustAShopGirl

ilovesooty - where do you work? Is it in the real world?

In the real world you sometimes have to work with thick skinned people who don't know when a joke has got really old, or irritating people, angry people, rude people. You have to open your mouth and say something. If you go to HR about this people will think you are a po-faced idiot. They are not being sexist, racist or offensive they are just being silly and irritating!!

If it lurches into bullying ie they will not stop the teasing after being told jokily and then more seriously then talk to your line manager. If that doesn't work then go to HR. At the moment it is not an HR matter!

backbystealth, please don't get on ilovesooty's back about the real world. She could tear you a new one. She has been there and back again.

I would like to ask you why you think it's OK to put up with the thick skinned. What the fuck do you think HR is for? You appear to imply that the mechanism in a workplace is can't be used because it will make you look silly?

I thought RC meant remote control
I would stop laughing along and tell them it has gone on long enough

That should say, HR as a mechanism in the workplace.

backbystealth try reading the thread.

I suggested the OP followed those processes.

And yes, I work very much in the real world, thank you.

'Banter' is fine but when it happens every day it gets wearing fast.

My office has a lot of banter and I have the piss taken out of me for my Northern accent most days. I generally laugh it off, but having worked there for eight years, yes I'm a bit pissed off! I haven't yet discovered how to communicate this without seeming sensitive/ott, but I do wish people would think more. It was funny the first time when they pointed out how my vowel sounds are different. Now...?

Ugh.

Poor OP.

Hopeful, I am from the north.

Try this: that was funny the first fifty million times I heard it. You cunt.

You do not need to say the last bit, though it would be fun.

Thanks RL

I admit my first post suggested her boss deals with it or she should go to HR but I modified that to following the process EBearhug suggested.

No way should she be expected to put up and shut up. HR processes are there for areason.

Harassment for "having a funny name" is harassment. If I was her rep I would 100 percent take it up.

The excuse is always, no matter how the bullied person feels, "Aw, it's just a bit of banter..." The woman who had had a miscarriage and was laughed for at it and called me in tears was told "It's just the office having a bit of a joke". It's the constant bully's excuse. If you are obviously distressing someone, it is bullying and it must stop.

RLnamereveal - my line manager does it every day without fail if I say a word like bug/rug/hug - seems to be the u sound in particular and I can't even tell what I'm doing! Bear in mind I have lived down south for 16 years. He is a nice person and just finds it funny, but on the odd occasion I have taken offence to this kind of thing (say twice in eight years, with other people) I get looked at as if 'what the hell is wrong with her sense of humour'. It used to be the kind of company where 'banter' was standard. That's beginning to change thankfully!

Who's saying she should put up and shut up? Who's saying 'put up with the thick skinned'?

I'm saying what everyone else is - tell them to fuck off and don't put up with this.

A lot of people are tricky to deal with, you must try and deal with this yourself - for your progression, confidence and your career.

It is often possible to back these kind of people down with humour, with assertion, with a short, sharp outburst. Not by taking it through an HR process at this stage.

And we simply cannot compare someone enduring jokes about her miscarriage and someone enduring jokes for her initials. This is exactly what I mean - make a judgement call and if it's not highly offensive but just highly annoying try to find a way to deal with it.

There is banter and there is banter! You can't demonise all banter and lump it in all together as something unacceptable. Some banter is just harmless banter and what the OP describes is bothering her but wouldn't bother many others. Someone making a joke about a miscarriage is in a different league - as is sexist or racist 'banter'.

It goes this way - if it upsets or distresses you it is bullying, period.

I get laughed at for my accent and for my (lack of) dress sense. That's OK for me because I accept both of those are a bit funny and that is banter IMO and I laugh at myself. However, if I was upset or miserable about that, things would change.

There aren't protected categories that it's OK to laugh at people about. You have the right to be respected in the workplace, the OP doesn't think jokes about her initials are funny. They have to stop then.

Thing is about harassment/bullying is it's for the person it's happening to to decide if it bothers them. It's completely irrelevant what anyone's opinions are on the actual form the harassment takes (for what it's worth I think they are a complete bunch of tossers - it's two letters together ffs) if it bothers you you shouldn't have to put up with it. You need to bring it up with them informally first if no joy or gets worse I would then escalate to HR.