A bit of background so there's no drip feeding - I live with DH and 2.2yo DS in a house. My DM lives in a nice compact little annexe in our back garden as she has very impaired mobility and is better off nearby in case of falls and needing a daily hand with jobs she can't manage. This is a set-up we've had for years and it works fine. I am booked to give birth to DS2 by ELCS in two weeks time (beginning of August).
We are expecting a few visitors from OS (two from Australia, one from the US) in the next few months:
- my 'dad', DM's ExH who is biologically not my dad but has always been nicer to me than the twat who I share genetics with. He's nice, I'm very pleased that he wants to meet my DCs, since their biological grandfather couldn't give a shit, but we've never lived together and we're really not that close
- my cousin who's 20 years older than me and I've met twice, is talking about coming to visit in September/October. Again, she's nice, but she's really close to DM (her aunt), not me.
- A friend of DM's who is again nice, but I'm not at all close to. I last saw her briefly (like for about 10 minutes) about 12 years ago.
DH and I are completely in agreement that we will not put any of them up in our house when they visit as we will be adjusting to coping with a toddler and a newborn, and have made this clear to DM. My dad particularly is planning on being around in time to see DS2 born, and I really don't want to be coping with post-partum hormones and leaking in front of him. We're pretty sure no visitor would particularly want to have to put up with any of that either, and dad has already said he doesn't expect us to put him up. DM does not have the room to have them in her annexe, but she's fixated on the fact that we have a spare bedroom and is incensed that we won't accommodate any of them. I get a snidey comment about it Every. Bloody. Day. She keeps telling me about all her friends who totally agree with her and would always put themselves out, no matter how much, to allow guests to stay. We have given her the contact details of a Wetherspoon's hotel less than 200m from our house that costs less than £100 per night to pass on to them but all she'll do is go on about how we let my best friend (who is more like a DSis to me as we're both only children) and her toddler stay when DS was four months old, but won't let family, who I'm likely to inherit from, and an old friend of hers stay. DM cannot contribute to any catering for visitors, nor can DH as he can't cook, so it would be all my responsibility on top of newborn and 2 yo, and all chauffeuring and out-of-home entertainment would be down to me/DH as DM is basically house-bound. Mainly me probably, as DH won't have any AL left to take, not that I'll be allowed to drive for 6 weeks.
Who is BU here - DM or us?
We're in a much better location now, but the memories of no-one being able to hear me or DS scream in those early days still haunt me.