To keep my medical condition well and truly private?

[BuggersMuddle]

Throughout my career, I've had probably low to average time off overall, however in my 20s I had a minor op (couldn't fly until it got sorted so had to tell work). This was just bad luck and not recurring.

Swiftly following that I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis and hospitalised. As is normally the way with these things, it takes a while to settle down, so I had two hospitalisations with steroids, then some arse came into the office with active pneumonia (really) and post steroids, well - I had 3 recurrences before it disappeared. To an onlooker, this could look like I'm fragile, but I'm not - I had 2 years of utter shit. Anyway, I delivered around my illness, came back as early as possible etc. but I came to realise 2 years on that people still saw me as delicate.

I've moved company and people talk about themselves, their families, etc. A few people have talked about Crohns and Colitis. I didn't think it was that common, but I even had someone telling me the different symptoms. I did say I was aware of the disease, but other than that, I nod, I smile and I walk away.

I've been without symptoms for well over 2 years. AIBU to say precisely nothing when others are discussing the disease? My previous experience was that sharing with a truster confidante made minor flares easier 'buggers had to take an urgent call', but having it widely known was career suicide. I should add I work my hours as a minimum, generally more, am considered a high performer and efficient. I just feel a bit like I'm lying when UC comes up (colleagues with family members who are severely affected) and I try to extricate myself asap.

I don't know what this medical condition is, would it ever be a case of being in work and you need an abulance where people knowing about your condition could save your life or get the right treatment ASAP

No it's chronic relapsing / remitting. Generally non-progressive, depends on your luck though as some people can have very bad flares resulting in surgery.

I know myself really well as it took ages to get a diagnosis, so the worst scenarios as I am well and working are:

• I'm stuck in the loo / had to stop on commute and am late (but I eat and drink in such a way as to avoid that and it's not gone wrong any more times than the average person might have a flat tyre etc.)

• I have to extricate myself from a meeting with limited notice to visit the loo. Depending on how limited I might need to admit UC / IBD, but as I say, I've been fine for a while and I know what sets me off.

I expect to continue to be well and working and with my condition, where it's controlled there is no reason to expect otherwise. Most people do manage it without surgery.

Then me personally would keep it to my self.

That was my thinking. Hopefully I won't have a further flare that needs hospitalisation. No-one can project for me because I'm well un-medicated which is pretty much unheard of for pancolitis. I figure, keep quiet and tell people as and when. I guess if they've had a UC conversation with me they might be pissed off, but given they're all talking relatives, they may not even remember they told me. Different if a colleague told me they have IBD.

yanbu

so long as you have people you can get support from if you need it

none of their business really. There is nothing wrong with keeping this to yourself.

YANBU to keep it to yourself.

YA absolutely NBU to keep it to yourself. It really isn't necessary to tell them about it!
Although if you do find the one trusted colleague it might help a bit; but wait until you're sure of them and then hopefully you'll get that extra bit of support without all the rest of them knowing.

The only people who need to know are your boss and someone in HR. Everyone else: nine of their business.

YANBU

I would absolutely tell HR.

Hi,

I'm a crohns sufferer, have been quite poorly the last two years with this and a major op for reflux also. The last year I have had days of hospital visits/tests and am on reduced hours. Currently it looks like the crohns could be progressing.

I keep my boss totally in the loop, I prefer them to understand exactly what's happening, I believe they keep hr in the know.

Other people in the office are aware I'm unwell but I don't over share. I would imagine I'm not the next in line for promotion ;) but I do make sure I do my job well and I believe I am respected for the role I do and the work I put in. If I had a choice I would avoid the cross over between being ill and work but it just hasn't been possible. I think the fact that I'm completely honest with my boss helps this and means he has an insight into what's going on and the fact that I'm trying to resolve it, not trading on it.

If I were in remission I wouldn't bring it up, but I wouldn't hide it either iykwim? I'm hoping to get in remission again soon and for life to settle back down.

You are absolutely entitled to keep it to yourself. The only time I wish I had known about a person's medical history was when I employed a locum with epilepsy. He had a fit, which I hadn't seen before, and I called an ambulance because I thought he was having a stroke or an aneurysm and was dying in front of me!
However it was his right not to inform me, and I got over the shock pretty quickly. It was hard not being able to give the paramedics any info, we didn't even have NOK details as it was his first day.
This situation clearly wouldn't happen in your case so YANBU.

I think YANBU - for example I don't tell people I've got epilepsy unless I absolutely have to because there is still a bit of a stigma attached to it.

Also I don't share about my MH problems.

Unless it starts causing you problems when you are actually at work I don't see the point in sharing.

I have a colleague with UC - people know, but the difference is that we work in healthcare where many people discuss their illnesses and we're used to it. But I still don't discuss my issues.

Yanbu at all. You seem to be managing your condition very well, and tbh, the situations you're describing where there could be a need to excuse yourself urgently from a meeting or something, could just as easily apply to somebody who is struck down with norovirus or food poisoning....so I wouldn't even feel it necessary to explain then either. A simple "I'm terribly sorry, but I've got a bit of an upset stomach" is probably sufficient. (And possibly as much information as a colleague would want anyway!)

I have ulcerative colitis (have had it since I was about 10 years old) and I have generally taken the approach that I have not told employers/academic staff/whoever is relevant at that time in my life unless I actually have to. And even then I am sometimes vague. For example, when I had to have a colonoscopy whilst being a Master's student I just told academic staff that I had a chronic medical condition which required a medical day procedure, and would it be OK if I was not at classes that day - and that was fine. My current work colleagues (I have worked here for 2.5 years) know, but that is because a colleague in my team has Crohn's (and another colleague's daughter has ulcerative colitis... I swear these diseases are becoming much more common). I have also had flares very occasionally during my time at work, or had to attend specialist appointments, so it was just easier to be open with my manager regarding my condition. My colleague with Crohn's and I did the Specific Carbohydrate Diet together for a long while, which has completely resolved my symptoms... for the time being! (I am eating a wider diet now...) I have definitely not noticed any adverse impact on my or my colleague's career as a result of being more open about our conditions.

Thanks all. I suspected I was not being unreasonable - just feels a bit odd when the subject comes up but I can live with that. I suspect the fact is has come up a few times is a bit unusual so unlikely to happen often.

I haven't told boss or HR because there's not much to tell at the moment. Obviously if I was having a flare up I would need to consider that if it was bad enough to impact my work. I'm fortunate to have flexible working so the odd late morning if I've made ill-advised food choices is not an issue (and by late I mean starting at 09:30) as I can add the time at the other end if I need to.

If you feel that it's not necessary to mention it then don't, it's your personal info to do,what you want with, your job seemingly doesn't oblige you to disclose it.

I have Crohns and am recovering after a recent bowel resection and ileostomy. I've always kept my employers in the loop as I've needed things like guaranteed access to a toilet, time off for consultant appts, had to go home early with blcokage pain and hospitalisations over the years.

The other reason I keep them in the loop is because in my industry we use the Bradford formula for monitoring sickness absence. Any time off related to chronic conditions such as diabetes, Crohns etc CANNOT be taken into account when totting up your 'score'. Therefore, when I was off with flu, that was treated differently to anything Crohns related. This may be an important factor for you.

I have UC too and don't think YABU. Good on you, long may your remission last .

YANBU. Whilst colleagues discussing it is an opportunity for you to bring it up, you're not obliged to. I think there's no harm at all in holding back personal info at work.

Good point about absence gobbin - I have no idea if we use Bradford (am in Financial Services). I will check current employers absence policy.

My actual UC absences have been longer ones (1 week and a fortnight iirc), but in part that's because during minor flare ups I could do things like work from home at very short notice. I fully appreciate that in a different job that would not be possible.

To be fair, my previous employers were great about the actual illness, just not great at believing me when I said I was fine.

Thanks ilove. If you'd asked me 3 years ago if I could be in unmedicated remission for this long I'd have laughed. I thought (as did my consultant) that I was on a track that could lead to surgery.

Hoping all the other folks with IBD who've posted are keeping well too

To be honest my other reason for keeping it quiet is well meant advice subtle food and drink critique . Although I suspect that is common for anyone with a chronic condition.

It's completely up to you how much you share.

DH has Crohn's and is very open about it, he has even mentioned it in his Twitter profile!

But that's his personal choice.

Unless your employers gave you a medical or asked you to declare any conditions to hr then yanbu

Hi Buggers. I also work in Financial Services. I have some underlying conditions that no-one apart from one trusted colleague knows about and I am also managing someone who is likely to receive a UC diagnosis. If I were you, I wouldn't mention it in relation to sickness triggers, unless you actually hit one. In the event that you do, and it is related to your condition, you would likely be referred to Occupational Health and triggers would either be disregarded or adjusted for you. OH would probably advise home working etc. if you needed it. But personally I wouldn't go there unless I needed to.
I don't know what the Bradford formula is though.

You are entitled to share or not share your medical conditions with whoever you like if it makes things easier for you. I feel quite strongly about this as ds has just been diagnosed with uc, although he's only 6 now but I'm thinking of his future.