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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think NO you don't do this, it makes him look silly

40 replies

yestheyhavethesamedad · 17/07/2014 23:38

I went for a job interview today and while waiting for it to start, a woman came in and started asking the interviewer when people would find out if they had been successful ,because her son had had an interview 2 weeks ago and hadn't heard anything yet.

It's a new store opening and interviews are still being done, she had mentioned that she had also phoned head office but that they couldn't tell her anything and as her son is 19 he wouldn't chase it up.

AIBU to think that instead of helping she has sabotaged his chances

OP posts:
lettertoherms · 17/07/2014 23:39

Massively cringey.

I would never hire a man whose mother contacted us.

Only1scoop · 17/07/2014 23:41

It would put me off employing him to be honest.

It's not a reverse is it?? Are you the mum??Wink

MiscellaneousAssortment · 17/07/2014 23:42

Poor man.

ChoccaDoobie · 17/07/2014 23:42

That's awful! Not a good idea on her part!

Happy36 · 17/07/2014 23:44

My mum did that for my bro when he was a similar age because he was so useless. I guess the poor woman was desperate and has probably been trying to get her son up off his backside for days to chase up and decided to just do it herself in the end.

Mothers who coddle their little princes - beware! This is what they (and you) turn into.

(Note to self: listen to my own advice and stop coddling my own little prince).

Original poster
yestheyhavethesamedad · 17/07/2014 23:45

NO i'm definitely not the mum, I told my 16 year old that if he wanted to quit the weekend job he had he had to go in, in person and explain as it would make him look silly and childish if I was to do for him and as he lives in a small place he doesn't want to get that reputation.

I was sat with my mouth hanging open thinking please stop talking and no don't mention your sons name, which unfortunately she did

OP posts:
BoiledPiss · 17/07/2014 23:46

We recently did some recruiting as a new business and we had this exact situation, mother and older teens daughter, her mother did all the talking, i kept speaking to the daughter and the mother answered all my questions (she just popped in on the offchance we might have a job going, new business, so not a proper interview at this stage) i aksed her to email me a cv.
Not once did i hear the girls voice.
I got an email later that day, from the mother 'as promised, some info about daughter'
Customer facing business, I didnt hire her (as yet still havent heard her voice!) did feel quite sad for her though!

Cringey

MyPrettyToes · 17/07/2014 23:51

Oh dear. Yes, she has ruined his chances.

I once interviewed a young man (early 20s) who brought along his mother. I allowed her into the interview room because I thought he genuinely needed her for support. Actually she was there because 'he wasn't particularly great at putting himself across'. It was horrible. The mother was lovely and you could see she was at the end of her tether. I got the distinct impression he had to be forced to attend the interview.

MammaTJ · 18/07/2014 07:06

The last time I did anything like this as a parent was when my DD was 13 and looking for a job. Even then, when she got to see the manager, a let made her do all the talking.

She got the job and kept it for 4 years!

ithoughtofitfirst · 18/07/2014 07:23

Oh great. A mummy's boy. When can he start?

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 18/07/2014 07:28

Interested to see a female example amongst all the boys. A mate used to work in uni admissions, and got big sisters ringing up all the time asking questions on behalf of their brothers at clearing time. She never once had a brother ringing up on behalf of his sister.

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 18/07/2014 07:33

I was deputy manager in a mate's shop for a while while I was pregnant.

Around May/June/July loads of teens/young people were dragged in with their parents asking if we'd employ them.

Weird.

Koothrapanties · 18/07/2014 07:56

Cringe!!!

SquinkiesRule · 18/07/2014 08:06

My mother did this for my Ds. I cringed when I found out. I encouraged both mine to be their own squeaky wheel asking if they had been successful at interviews. Both bothered the hiring managers when they were in high school and got good jobs in local shops and restaurants.
She went into the pub he had applied to, and spoke to the assistant manager, told him he'd be silly not to hire him as he was a hard worker, and I was shocked to find he listened to her and hired him. He's been there for 2 years now and is best friends with the assistant manager.

emms1981 · 18/07/2014 08:13

When I worked in a shop they were looking for chirtmas staff but needed people who were free every day up to christmas eve, a mum who worked at an agency had got her daugter to apply, she kept coming in asking when her daughter would get an interview as she would be perfect, they kept telling her IF she gets an interview we will phone,
Turns out she was at college some days so wasn't what they were looking for anyway.

LePetitPont · 18/07/2014 08:18

We recently recruited an admin apprentice. One of the interview tasks was a presentation to be submitted in advance. We had a good few emailed in by mum or dad, clearly done by mum or dad too! We want to see what you can do, not your family's PowerPoint skills....

Definitely bu - my mum used to get me to go into shops / chase / wouldn't ring etc at 14. However, my 30 yr old BIL STILL has MIL involved in his work at the local village shop -and everything else in his life. Makes me cringe.

MsJupiter · 18/07/2014 08:18

I had this with a young man I'd interviewed. We were hiring lots of people at once so it was a big interview process and he was in the maybe pile. His mother rang several times to find out if he'd got the job as he was away travelling and she was worried he'd miss something. Once would have been fair enough but she was so persistent it really put us off hiring him.

When he got back and found out what had happened, he rang us himself, absolutely mortified, and said he hadn't authorised her to call on his behalf and it would never happen again. We were impressed with him taking the initiative to sort the situation out rather than hiding away and cringing so we gave him a job - he was very good!

FoxSticks · 18/07/2014 08:18

I used to be an HR manager in retail and this happens all the time! Even worse when they don't get involved at interview stage but are on the phone all the time once you've actually employed their little darlings. I've had parents turn up to disciplinary interviews pretending to be union reps to try and get in the meetings. I don't miss that part of the job.

littlewhitebag · 18/07/2014 08:23

What does this teach these young people? How will they ever be able to act or think independently. It is embarrassing.

Even my very quiet DD2 at age 16 managed to apply for a job and attend an interview all by herself. And she got the job! It has done wonders for her confidence.

KittiesInsane · 18/07/2014 08:28

Those of you on the recruitment side of this -- how would you respond to a candidate with special needs?

Genuine question, as DS is able enough that he'll be (rightly) expected to get a job, and to do it probably very well, but has very specific difficulties with talking to anyone he doesn't already know well.

Would you still just see 'little prince with interfering mother' if a parent came in to make the initial contact?

BarbarianMum · 18/07/2014 08:33

Not so sure you can necessarily surmise much about the young person from all the examples above. My father was (in)famous for this kind of thing with both my sister and myself. We had to resort to saying nothing to him about job/university interviews and not leave CVs around so he couldn't 'helpfully' amend them. He even tried to apply for teacher training college on my behalf when I was 26 because he thought I ought to be a teacher - I was happily ensconced in a different career at that point and had no interest in teaching.

BarbarianMum · 18/07/2014 08:39

Kittie I'd understand if you came with him but id still expect him to take some sort of active role in the process. But our job details are on line so if you were the one to download them I wouldn't know.

We have quite a lot of training positions so l have had quite a few initial contacts from parents. I always tell them to get their child to ring me. If that was difficult for your son to do id happily arrange a face to face and wouldn't mind you being there but my conversation would be with him, not you.

BarbarianMum · 18/07/2014 08:42

Sorry just seen he has particular difficulties with speaking to strangers. In that case I don't know how we'd interview but I wouldn't rule him out (if the job didn't require it).

treaclesoda · 18/07/2014 08:46

I kind of wish my parents had been a bit like this because for all that people here are saying how cringey it is (and I agree that it is), it seems to work for a lot of people. When I was at school/university the people whose parents were all pushy like this ended up with the jobs whereas the people like me who were trying to stand on our own two feet got nowhere. I was 19 before I finally managed to get a summer job, despite having started searching at the age of 13 (back when that was legal).

MagicMojito · 18/07/2014 08:50

Shocked that so many people do this Shock Grin

Don't people realise how that comes across?! Total cringe Grin