AIBU to think NO you don't do this, it makes him look silly

[yestheyhavethesamedad]

I went for a job interview today and while waiting for it to start, a woman came in and started asking the interviewer when people would find out if they had been successful ,because her son had had an interview 2 weeks ago and hadn't heard anything yet.

It's a new store opening and interviews are still being done, she had mentioned that she had also phoned head office but that they couldn't tell her anything and as her son is 19 he wouldn't chase it up.

AIBU to think that instead of helping she has sabotaged his chances

Not a chance, my ds1 is 19 and has managed to get himself jobs, college courses, apprenticeship with no help from me

Really I don't think it's surprising it's common with all the arse wiping we're expected to do right through senior school.. fines for the parents for this and that.. texts, phone calls, target setting days etc. When I was at school I personally was held accountable for what I did. I'm not surprised it spills over into adulthood.

Of course there's always the over involved parents and that won't change but personally since the banned the cane it was the start of all this bollocks that happens now.

I have two dcs with SN kittie......obviously in that situation the interviewer would be very aware of the situation in advance.

As a side note I really hate it when posters bandy SN around in situations that arent relevent at all. I cannot imagine anyone with a young adult with SN not making any potential employer aware of the situation and it would be handled very differently.

Hi kittie

We would always make necessary adjustment for anyone with a disability and that could include having a parent in the interview. As we have been talking specifically about retail here, one thing I would think about if I were in your shoes is if a customer facing role would be best for your son if he experiences difficulty talking to people he doesn't know, or if an office based job would be better suited to him. If he really has his heart set on retail come to the interview with suggestions or a plan that shows that he would be able to overcome this with the right support.

kittiesinsane I'd expect to have been told in advance that the applicant would be bringing someone to interview - there is a section on their application form for this.

I would expect them to play a low key, step in when needed" role - as opposed to the "butt out, this is nothing to do with you" mothers we've got examples of here.

I'm a retail store manager and have had mums call in sick (it drives me mad) I don't accept the call I make them ring, I have had mums ring up when their precious hasn't been kept on after the probation, and been verbally abused and threatened

Also recently I interviewed a guy and said he would hear back if he was sucessful in the next 2 weeks, he called on day 7 and I'm not joking I had 23 missed calls on my mobile in a 36 hour period off him, ranging from 7.30am to 10.30pm! He would ring then ring straight after but never leave a voicemail

Hi Kitties

We have loads of applicants for every retail position these days, so we filter them by experience, those with 12 months minimum exp with a relevant brand would get a quick 5 minute gone imterview with no notice, only a casual chat not structured questions, if they came across well they would be invited for an interview

My DH rang up for an application form for our lazy unemployed DS (Seasonal worker so not actually all his fault...made redundant at 18 after starting work at 16) Anyway.....
name?.... MarylouDS
DOB?... (DH Shouting up stairs where the lazy s*d was still in bed at 2pm)
Whom am I speaking to?.... His Dad! Man on phone laughed at that bit!
He was interviewed with 30 others after 800 applications. He got the job and now earns £30,000 a year. Gotta do what you gotta do!!!

Thanks to all those who replied. Cheeses, I know what you mean about bandying SN around when not relevant, but I'm trying to adjust no to what is reasonable to do to help DS as he becomes an adult -- not proving too easy!

Would you still just see 'little prince with interfering mother' if a parent came in to make the initial contact?

No, I wouldn't think that - if I'd been informed in advance, proper adjustments would be put in place and the candidate would stand just as good a chance as anyone else if he had the abilities to do the job

Small caveat, though, based on experience (and certainly not aimed at you personally, OP) I've experienced interfering parents who've claimed that their darling can't do such-and-such, where actually the truth is that they won't, and personally I'd want to satisfy myself as to which one it was. Luckily it's not usually hard to tell the difference ...

With DS it can be very hard to tell. Usually by the third (or fourth... or tenth...) attempt he can do it, and anyone seeing him at that point only would think we were making it up.

No, he's not thinking specifically of a career in retail, but the ability to talk to a potential employer is kind of crucial.

An example: for doctors' appointments, now that he's technically an adult, I go with him; go into the room, say 'This is Toby [not real name]; he has autism; he is having trouble with XXX and he's expecting you to ask him some questions. Toby, do you want me to stay this time or wait outside?'

Usually by that point the initial fear of speaking has settled enough for Toby to answer a question or two.

Frankly I cringe at the thought of doing that for an interview, but if needs must...

He did run away from one out of five university interviews and got lost on the way to another one.

Kitties
For your DS, obviously you will be limited in the types of role he can apply for... but I guess you know that.
Any employer that would be happy hiring him (which unfortunately will not be all - sorry) will make allowances for you to be part of the process. Just be clear as possible about the exact situation, and do your very best to let him shine wherever possible.

A close family friend has a daughter who suffered severe brain damage in her teens (so much worse SN than your DS), and she is now doing really well working as a cleaner in her local Morrisons. It took a lot of support from her DF to get her that role and settle in (and still does require daily support), but she has gone from strength to strength since joining - really a whole new person.

I used to get parents phoning up asking for written reports on their child's grades and progress.

These "children" were 18 - 22 year old undergraduates.

I once received an email from an applicant's mum, along the lines of "This is applicant's mother, she submitted a CV to you a week ago and has had no response. Please call me at once to let me know what's happening as this is an unacceptable amount of time." Maybe not word-for-word as it was a while ago, but it included the week's wait being too long, demanding a call back "at once" and telling me this was an "unacceptable amount of time" to wait!

Numanoid, so you got on the phone immediately, offered the 'child' the job and and automatics promotion through the mum and apologised profusely!