To think that my neighbour should keep his nose out

[OorWullie]

Of my garden?

I live in terraced housing, so my garden is joined on either side to the neighbours' gardens and seperated by a fence.
NDN is a fusspot, he can't abide anything not being 'just so' and will bang on about it till something is done to his satisfaction. He has made several comments about my garden, it does have alot of weeds and I admit it was a bit of a mess, but it wasn't affecting anyone but me and isn't in clear view of anyone because of the high fencing. One day I came home and he and one of the other neighbours who does odd jobs for NDN were in my garden, pulling everything up, cutting my fruit tree (so I've now lost most of the fruit on it as it wasn't ripe yet), they have cut up my washing line as well, I felt I had to then go out and help, so I did and was polite and thanked them for their help.

I was recently in a car accident and suffered back and head injuries, I'm not supposed to do anything strenuous which is partly why I hadn't started the garden earlier and I really suffered afterwards. I am a
single mum, my friends and family all work full time and I have no money to pay anyone. The neighbour is still making comments about what I'm going to do next now that the weeds are gone etc. I've explained that I can't do any more, and that my family will help as and when they can but they have alot of work needing done at their own house as well as working full time.

AIBU to think it was rude of him just to swan in and take over to satisfy his own fussiness. He can't even see the garden unless he comes into it or makes a concious effort to stand right against his fence and look over the top. I'm fed up listening to him make comments constantly when I have explained I am trying to get some help with it and am to ill to do it myself.

it's hard to explain without just sounding like he helped me and i'm ungrateful.

Are you really telling the op to ignore MEDICAL advice on the basis that you and your OH once had injuries?

You have no possible way of knowing what her injuries are, what she has been told to do or why, or what her prognosis is.

Having had an injury yourself or knowing someone with one doesn't actually make you an expert, you certainly don't know more than her doctors. Your 'advice' could be harmful.

Ridiculous.

A letter through the door sounds like a good idea - maybe we can help write it if we promise to leave out the sweary words, and not call him an interfering wankbadger.

Dear Neighbour,

I have had time to consider things since the day when you came into my garden, and I feel I need to say something to you.

Whilst I appreciate the thought behind what you did, I am very offended that you came into MY garden without my permission, to do work that I had not asked you to do. I am especially cross that you pruned a fruit tree that had as-yet unripened fruit on it - fruit I was looking forward to picking - and that you cut up my washing line.

My husband will be putting a lock on our back gate, and in the future, I would politely request that you stay out of our garden, unless invited.

I would also like you to purchase a new washing line to replace the one you destroyed. Unfortunately there is nothing that can be done to repair the damage done to the fruit tree's crop for this year.

Yours sincerely,

OorWullie.

Totally agree SDTG.
This man is not all about being neighbourly and helpful - he is bulldozing the OP with his unwanted attention, constant nagging about the garden, trespassing, and lack of boundaries.

If he was genuinely looking to be helpful, he'd have offered.
As it was, he just bashed on in there regardless, so he is seeking to control. The gardening he did was not motivated by care, but control. This is about his agenda, and nothing to do with being a good neighbour.

So they trespassed onto your garden, started pulling it apart and you helped them?!

I sincerely hope they never decide to rob you!

I think the point has been made (repeatedly!) that you are your own worst enemy here. You must stand up to this idiot or he'll bully you forever. Our garden is not the best because we have 3 small kids and are very busy. Our neighbour is a huge DIY nut and very house proud. He constantly offers unsolicited advice about what we should do. If I ever found him defacing our garden I would call the police!

Get a hold of yourself OP and tell him to back off!

coolaschmoola Are you really telling the op to ignore MEDICAL advice on the basis that you and your OH once had injuries?

No, I'm not. The OP was told not to do "anything strenuous". I suggested sprinkling powdered weedkiller on weeds. That isn't strenuous.

You have no possible way of knowing what her injuries are, what she has been told to do or why, or what her prognosis is

Exactly. The OP hasn't articulated it to us or to her neighbour. I do know though that the worst cases are some form of rehabilitative hospital care, so the fact that the OP is living independently gives some clue that she is not as bad as some. Of course we don't know how long it is since the OP's accident, but nearly all OT after head injuries has the aim of rehabilitating the patient as far as possible to normal life.

Having had an injury yourself or knowing someone with one doesn't actually make you an expert, you certainly don't know more than her doctors. Your 'advice' could be harmful

I'm not giving advice and I'm no expert. Its basic common sense that people who have more motivation and will in themselves to get back to normal after an accident will generally do better. I do think getting involved in a screaming match with a neighbour, as advocated by some posters, would be possibly harmful, as its probably a good idea for the OP to keep her blood pressure from being raised.

Equally though, we don't know how bad the garden is or how upset the neighbour is and how reasonable he is being. Neighbours also have rights and the garden could be really bad. Or he could be an interfering annoying busybody. If the OP is indeed living with a garden that is approaching some kind of health hazard that has concerned the neighbour, then perhaps its a sign she needs more assistance from the health authorities in her recovery. I'm not saying it is, we don't know. The OP's OP lacks detail, which is indicative of a head injury, although she writes clearly, which is a good sign.

However plenty of people can and do recover from minor head injuries over time. Again I'm not giving advice or saying I'm an expert in this.

At the risk of repeating what's been said 100 times already, please please please stand up to this man for your sanity's sake!

• He has NO RIGHT to come into your garden uninvited
• He certainly has NO RIGHT to 'tidy' or 'help' with gardening work uninvited, especially where this has included him damaging your property!
• He has NO RIGHT to paint the fence on your side - he has responsibility to maintain/ replace it (eg if a but falls down) but painting your side is for you do do - or not do - as you see fit.
• He has NO RIGHT to dictate how you look after your own home, and much less to dictate that you do work that you are neither fit or interested in doing.

I'd tell him I'm not interested in the garden and I'm happy with it as it is. I'd also tell him that if he ever feels the need to help again he has to run it past me first.

And get a lock on your gate and make him ask for his bin.

He's not going to stop intruding until you tell him.

Nobody has told her to have a screaming match, just to tell him to back off. She can whisper if she wants.

The op has all ready said that the ndn couldn't see into her garden without standing near the fence and peering over.

I've never had a thread with so many replies before, I wont reply to all individually, I'm on my phone and it'll be a faff going back and forth. Thanks everyone for your input though, I've learned a thing or two about myself!

The garden had weeds that were about knee-high growing through the gravel, that's basically all that was wrong with it. They are not there now, and the garden, whilst not attractive (grey gravel and slabs, no plants apart from fruit tree, no grass) is tidy. My garden is not overlooked, so even if it is unsightly (which it isnt now that weeds are gone) it only affects me. I make an effort to keep the front garden, which is open to the street, tidy and weed free.

I have been signed off work for a month and am not to return for another month- the nature of my head injury means that it's not safe for me to do bending up and down/lifting/pulling etc. If I'm signed off work for that, I can't very well be seen to do those things in my garden, even if I felt like it (which i don't).

Neighbour knows the nature of my injuries, and that I am off work, both because it is common knowledge and because I repeated the information to him yesterday when he started making more comments about the garden and what else I could do now that the weeds were gone (the enforced weeding happened at the weekend).

Im not some lazy cow who refuses to do anything for herself. The front garden is low maintainence and in full view of the street, I have kept it presentable and neat. I am taking some exercise and doing normal housework etc and I am recovering well but I am still limited to what I can/should do.

I'm glad i posted this thread, it has given me a real wake up call. I have been worse than a pushover, i have bloody thanked him for doing something that totally pissed me off. I felt I was being a bit mean since, essentially he did help but I realise now that when I declined the first time and told him my dad and brother were coming to help that should have been enough. It was like it wasnt good enough for him/being done when he wanted it done so he marched in and took it upon himself.

fuck it.

Im not going to report him or get in a screaming match but I am going to take some of what you have all said in
your posts to construct a firm reply- one which politely and firmly lets him know i am not happy and that he was out of order, and that he is to stay off my property.

I realise now that when I declined the first time and told him my dad and brother were coming to help that should have been enough. It was like it wasnt good enough for him/being done when he wanted it done so he marched in and took it upon himself.

Exactly. He had no business doing what he did. He was told a clear no, and arrogantly ignored it. Not normal, not helpful, and definitely not acceptable. The man is a bulldozer and needs put in his righful place pronto.

Good for you OP. Hope you are soon feeling lots better.

You are definitely not a lazy cow - not at all!

Good for you OP.

Sometimes people do something that is so outrageous that just after the disbelief kicks in the brain assumes it must be us that's wrong as no one could surely be so brazen to do it, so therefore they must be right.

I know exactly what you mean by that mimi.

Yes,Mimi admittedly, I am a bit of a people pleaser, I don't like to rock the boat in general, and unless something really affects me negatively I do tend to go with the flow- hence my initial reaction of "thanks for your help". But after talking with my mum and the lovely
people who have opened my eyes on here I've realised there is no way he has a right to behave this way and to have done what he did, especially as it's not in my nature to be a nuisance to him or others on the street, and I had told him what my plans were to sort things out.

I would actually rather he'd have reported my garden to the Housing Association than to invade my space/property the way he did.