...to not want my child baptised?

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OH and I don't have any religious affiliations. I was raised in non-religious, liberal household and left to make my own choices. I chose athiesm, although not in an outspoken, "everyone else is wrong and religion is evil" way - I just don't have any belief in a deity of any kind.

OH was raised in a very Christian household - church every Sunday, choirboy. His mum still goes to church every morning before work, his dad is a preacher.

Despite my upbringing, I was still baptised at 9 weeks old - according to my mum, "It's just what you did back then". Which I do question quite often.

OH has a daughter from his first marriage - they baptised her when she was nearly 2 years old, and her godmother is Jewish!!!

We now have one on the way, and we were talking last night and have found this appears to be the only parenting point we don't agree on - and we need to decide what to do. His parents WILL pester us until there is a baptism. They've never asked about or questioned my faith or lack of, and they accept that OH doesn't go to church or practice a faith.

I feel that if a child is to be "welcomed" into a place of worship at an age when they aren't aware what's going on, they should be welcomed into them all, allowing them to make a decision when they are older. Failing that, to not do anything, and when they are old enough to actively choose a religion, or not as the case may be, I would support them in whatever they wish to do. And that's any faith - I really don't care. What I do care about is pressuring them from Day One into a faith that they may not want to be a part of.

I will have no issue with OH's parents taking my child to church - I feel it very important that religion is taught and experienced so that they have all the information to decide for themselves. I also have friends of other faiths and I would be happy for them to take my child to their place of worship should they be caring for them at the time.

What I'm really asking is if I should stick to my guns, and make it clear how I feel, or for an easy life just give in and allow a Christening to take place? If that were to happen, I do seriously feel I couldn't take part, and stand at a font and say words that I don't believe in, and make promises I won't keep - I won't be a hypocrite on this as I feel it will give the wrong impression to my child as they grow older, like I feel towards my mum about my Christening.

Sorry, this ended up being longer than I thought it'd be. Let the flaming commence! (Sorry, no pun intended)

I let DS be baptised Catholic.

I am an atheist. But DH is Catholic and my late MIL was a turbo charged Catholic.

This was before they changed the vatican rulebook about unbaptised babies going to ... limbo, I think.

MIL was distressed. About the possibility of limbo, and in general about the whole idea of her beloved grandchild being not an offical Catholic.

I don't believe in God, I think the church is made by men, for men. So their rituals as just that, rituals. As meaningful as you want them to be.

Refusing baptisim was not a hill I wshed to die on, not when it was causing MIL so much distress, not when there were pleanty of British v Italian "mode of bringing up children" hills to pick from, including the use of car seats as something more than seat decoration.

So he got splashed. MIL was estatic... and without any effort on my part, desite being lugged to mass for family/community occasions pleanty of times, despite being an active member of the church youthclub for 5 years ... I have a child who has been decidedly atheist for as many of his 14 years as he has been able to consider such questions as "is there a god ?".

Pretty much as long as allowing the baptisim won't be used as a club or a crowbar in future discussions re child's religiosity, my feeling is prioritise the human that is genuinely suffering becuase of the choice. Which in my case meant the adult religious one, becuase as an atheist... to me it's just some words and water. And it that is all it takes to stop a woman being actively unhappy, it's fine by me.

DoJo - good point. The child may decide that Islam is the way to go, and then a Christian baptism would perhaps be a hindrance.

But, I must say I very much agree with what Mammuzza says below.

My mum was very distressed about our sons not being baptized (yet), as in her mind, a child that was not baptized was not in "Gods big book of children", and should they die, would go to hell. I did not agree with the sentiment, but I did recognize my mums agony. A compromise was met by taking them for a special blessing, this helped her religious feeling. Our sons were baptized around 14 months old.

Dh is Catholic, I am brought up Lutheran, by my very traditional and conservative mum who was part of a northern scandinavian movement following the teachings of Laestadius. The most conservative women will refuse to listen to a female priest, and never wear trousers other than when skiing..... My sister converted to Catholicism young. My dad is not really religious at all, he is more into Confucius and Lao Tze. My uncle was salvation army, and his mum again pentecostal. I grew up never discussing religion! We just accepted we all had different beliefs. Our sons go/went to Catholic school, but are encouraged to understand that there are many religions and many beliefs, and we need to respect them all. They both have Muslim friends (out of school), and we have Jewish friends as a family. Our street, which is very friendly, has Anglican, Catholic, Jewish, and Muslim families. All have in common good ethical guidelines for how to live your life respectably and with kindness. Note, I am not saying you need to be religious to have a good ethical grounding. Many people who claim to be religious have very poor ethics, as we know from history, and contemporary events.

Incidentally, I find I have more in common with Muslim friends, than Atheists. I have yet to meet an Atheist who have had an open mind, and will respect my beliefs. I dont say they dont exist, I just have not met them. My view on atheists are perhaps coloured by being met with "There is no God, this is the absolute truth", "It is stupid to be religious, when you have no proof there is a God". "Religion is for the dumb, reason for the intellectuals" etc.
Faith is beyond a need for proof.

You could ask for a service of Thanksgiving. We do this in our church it just thanks God for safe delivery etc. There's no vows to take. It's always well received.

QuintessentiallyQS, I kind of feel bad that you've never met an open minded Athiest. I personally cannot stand those types of Athiests either who are so quick to preach their lack of beliefs, but are the first to lead the charge when Jehovah's come knocking at the door!

I have a great respect for anyone who has so much faith that they are willing to dedicate their lives to living the best way they can according to how their religion advises them to do so. I think it takes great strength for someone in today's jaded and cynical world to stand up and be proud to have a faith.

I just don't have one myself, and any beliefs I do have are rooted in science. I am honest, hard-working, heavily involved in my local community and have strong moral values that in some ways do match up to a number of beliefs held by multiple faiths - I don't feel I need to be told by a God that may or may not be there how to do it when I've come to the decision myself to be a good person. I trust that my child/ren would be the same, but if they choose to take spiritual guidance to make them better people, then that's great too.

This whole thread has been incredibly interesting, and I've really enjoyed reading everyone's views on this. It's certainly given me a lot to think about, and as an event manager my brain is now working on concocting a big to-do that incorporates everyone's feelings, gets everyone involved and makes everyone smile! I've about a year to sort it all out!

there are many religions and many beliefs, and we need to respect them all.

I'm taking a slightly different slant with that one with DS. I've gone more with the idea that repecting a religion is like respecting a table. It's just a thing. It doesn't make choices, it doesn't even move unless somebody puts their hands on it. It's the actions by the person using the table that you evaluate for respect, not the actual table.

Sort of.. religion, or lack there of (aka personal belief system unattached to deity), is essentially just a tool. Whatever the tool does is not a reflection of the tool, but a reflection of the person wielding it. You (general you) may have the colour of the tool foistered upon you to some degree by cultural heritage, family or events... but you get to pick its form, its mode of use, its ability to improve, or demolish.

If a person uses their religion like a spanner, to help themselves and others to gently and lovingly tighten up loose ends and wobbly bits, so life becomes better for all concerned... respect the choice of a spanner, respect that the spanner was used with best practice. Whatever colour spanner it may be.

Whereas if somebody picks a hammer and runs around boshing themselves and everybody else over the head with it, don't repect the choice or the mode of use. Again the colour of hammar is irrelevant.

Being baptised will not hurt a child destined to be an atheist in any way.

Yes it will.

That child will be counted as something they are not for statistical purposes, for the continuation of faith schools and keeping bishops in the house of lords.

Mammuzza - Perhaps it is more to do with respecting a person's right to have a faith rather than respecting the religion itself?

ask for a Thanksgiving service as puppy suggested. That way your DH could take part and it is not a baptism. Children can decide later when they know what it's all about?

MIL and FIL might be more accepting than you think - your baby isn't born yet, so you've time to react and make plans if required later on.

We had a CofE Thanksgiving and Blessing service. You can get more details on the CofE website. It is churchofengland.org. Choose prayer and worship then worship. Then go to Common Worship then Christian initiation. Finally go to Rites on the Way Approaching Baptism and you will find Thanksgiving for the Gift of a Child.

Gives you a full service.

We had this for our son seven years ago. Both if us had been to church when we were young but in my case it was almost forty years since I had been apart from weddings and funerals and was probably similar in DH case. We felt wrong in standing up, in Church saying our child would attend Church regularly when we didn't even know if we could be bothered. But we had nearly lost DS when he was born and sheer luck got him to the right person at the right time. We felt 'something' had watched over him. Our vicar was very supportive of us having what was then a relatively new service and we explained exactly why we wanted a thanksgiving rather than a christening which he fully understood. In fact we were the first in our parish and our vicar sat with us to write the service. It was lovely.

We take DS along to church services for the family each month so he can decide, when he is older, whether he wants to be baptised. He also goes to messy breakfast sessions and, when his school went to the church for a history visit last month he was one of probably half a dozen who the vicar said hello to. Some of his friends who were christened at the church don't know the vicar and he doesn't know them. Which I think is sad.

As for the faith school. Our school is a faith school. It is the only school in our town. DS was accepted for it with no problem at all. As were his two friends from atheist families and the christened ones who have never set foot inside a church.

If you don't believe in baptism of infants, don't baptise your child.
If you need to do something else to shut the family up, have a welcome to the family party.