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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Selling donated items

39 replies

lbsjob87 · 16/07/2014 21:43

I'm just looking to gauge opinion on what people think is reasonable to do with baby items you've had donated.
My DS is 3 weeks old, and was a bit early, so quite small at birth (6lb 5oz). He's the first grandson in the family but my brother and his wife are expecting a boy in September (they have two girls at the mo).
My issue is, as the boys will be 3 months apart, it's kind of assumed by my mum, brother and sis in law that I will automatically hand down his clothes as he grows out of them. Most are new and some were quite expensive.
Usually I would, their son will be my nephew and we're not having any more kids so I won't need them.
But I know full well that when they are done with them, they will sell them on and keep the money (I know this because they did it with the stuff my SiL's sister gave her for her girls).
They can't see a problem with it, as far as they're concerned if you are given something it's yours to do what you want with.
I can't say "You can have them but if you sell them can you share the money?" as they don't see why they should.
My theory is that if someone has been kind enough to give you something, it's not really on to sell it on for your own gain without asking.
I tend to hand things on or give them to charity.
What do people think? AIBU to not want to hand the stuff down for that reason or would you do the same and sell the stuff on?

OP posts:

tinkerbellvspredator · 16/07/2014 21:47

If they're 3 months apart and your DS is small they will probably be in the same size clothes at the same time (it may even work out the other way round) so I wouldn't worry about it.

Yoruba · 16/07/2014 21:48

I wouldn't give it to them. Maybe I'm tight. But I'd sell them myself! You could pass them on some of the cheaper supermarket stuff which doesn't have much value second hand. Or more well worn stuff. They don't need to know they don't have it all! If they ask about specific items say they got stained etc. it would irritate me too much and I also couldn't afford to give away lots of expensive stuff.

but it's maybe not worth it if you can afford it and it will cause a big row.

picnicbasketcase · 16/07/2014 21:51

Get them some things that are on the cheaper end of the scale, and keep anything more expensive to sell yourself. You can't really tell them they're not allowed to sell it on, even though it is quite rude of them to do so.

picnicbasketcase · 16/07/2014 21:51

SarcyMare · 16/07/2014 21:51

This would also annoy me, so my stuff isn't mine to do with as i please, i am expected to pass it on, but your stuff is...

Pass on the cheap tatty stuff, sell or keep as keepsakes the nice stuff.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 16/07/2014 21:55

I've been passing on lots of baby bits recently and, firstly, I've passed it to people I trust and, secondly, I've asked, if it's not suitable for it to be passed on in its turn or donated to a charity shop I don't use, and the recipients have agreed to that. FWIW, I don't see the problem in you asking for it back to sell yourself or for a 50% cut if they sell it, if it's all said up-front.

OorWullie · 16/07/2014 21:58

I'd sell them myself. Why should they get free clothes and then make a profit on them? Pass on a few items they're not worth selling, but keep what you feel you can get something for.

Alternatively, you could donate them to the ICU at the hospital, my son had to have a whole wardrobe from there for the first few days of his life.

BeanyIsPregnant · 16/07/2014 22:06

I would just say that your keeping them all for now to decide on the best option, maybe more dc, maybe charity (and which one?) maybe selling them to make 1st Christmas or whatever special. Then do as you please with them (fb selling groups are popular ATM if you chose to sell)

If your dc is small then they will probably be in the same size clothes at the same time anyway!

LJHH · 16/07/2014 22:11

I think that your brother and SIL would be super cheeky to accept things kindly given from you and then sell them on.
I agree with pp, if your family really are insisting you donate stuff to them (although ultimately it's your stuff so your choice! I know that I would be telling them to bugger off ) then give them the cheaper bits and keep the nicer stuff that would be easier to sell. You sell it, Keep the profit and put it towards bigger clothes for your DS

mindthegap79 · 16/07/2014 22:17

YANBU. I totally agree with you. I've had lots of stuff passed on from friends and I've made a point of asking them whether they want us to pass them on or donate them to charity. Grrr at the greedy freeloaders.

NinjaHippy · 16/07/2014 22:20

I'd sell the decent stuff (and if anyone moans say it's to fund the next size up) and pass on the cheapy Asda vests etc!

gamescompendium · 16/07/2014 22:22

Just say your DS is still in the newborn stuff when your nephew is born. Or if he's growing fast give some cheapo newborn stuff and ask for it back. Do your family know you aren't planning any more? You could vaguely hint you are to get the clothes back.

DangerRabbit · 16/07/2014 22:23

Why not ask for them back after and sell them yourself?

Phoenix2014 · 16/07/2014 22:58

Three months isn't long. Just bag them up, put them on your loft/cupboard and forget about them for a few extra months.

Inertia · 16/07/2014 23:14

I'd just keep saying that your son hasn't outgrown those clothes yet.

If you'd otherwise sell the clothes, it's not reasonable for them to expect to get them for free and then sell them and keep the money too. What would happen if you said the clothes were a loan and not a gift- would they sell them on anyway?

tanukiton · 17/07/2014 00:00

My friend always gives me her sons old clothes. I am always thankful. I usually buy her a coffee to say thank you and I always ask if she wants them back. Usually she does. I then return any that haven't been stain,ed usually with a few bits extra. She then recycles them back to other friends. I usually buy her a small gift on return. She buys expensive stuff high end brand stuff. I would never buy these but are lovely quality, wash well and really last.

I think she doesn't realized that buy sell the stuff she is actually missing out

SiennaBlake · 17/07/2014 00:03

If you're not happy for the person you donate things to doing whatever they like with them, I'd keep them. I was a bit wobbly about the thought of giving dds clothes away to someone I knew who was pregnant because I was worried they'd sell them. I couldn't give them with conditions, so I didn't give them.

GerbilsAteMyCat · 17/07/2014 00:07

Just pass on the basic tesco etc stuff and sell the high end things yourself. That's what I do. Sainsbury's, Tesco stuff goes to family, Boden etc goes to ebay.

sykadelic · 17/07/2014 00:14

My sister has "loan" of a lot of baby clothes from friends. She knows which clothes are on loan and she gave them back once her daughter grew out of them (and now with her son).

Given your in-laws have form, I'd tell them you hadn't planned on doing anything with them but not to worry, you're sure they'll get lots from the baby shower/friends/family not to mention what they'll want to buy for themselves.

Why do you have to buy something they later sell on? Bit poor form really!

ICanSeeTheSun · 17/07/2014 00:36

Don't give them away to her, donate to a charity shop and tell them the reason why.

sanfairyanne · 17/07/2014 04:00

just loan them, as you need them back 'for the next baby', or claim they still fit for a month longer than they do, or say you like to donate to charity. whatever suits.

MidniteScribbler · 17/07/2014 04:40

It will probably be a non issue anyway. DS was in size 0 until he was about 12 months old, and at two and a half has only just gone to a 2. It's likely the two cousins will probably end up being in the same size clothing generally at the same time. You can always just say your DS is still wearing the clothes if they ask. Then quietly donate or sell yourself.

JenniferJo · 17/07/2014 05:47

Just don't pass them on. if anyone is rude enough to ask why say you are keeping them "just in case" - then sell them yourself.

ProcessYellowC · 17/07/2014 06:04

YANBU - and agree that it's totally possible the boys will be in the same size clothing as they grow.

Surely not every single item of your nieces' baby clothing was pink?? Or have they sold on all that baby clothing already? They sound pretty weird to even be raising with you what you'll be doing with your DS' clothes, when he hasn't even outgrown anything yet!!

Have you told your family you're not planning to have anymore children? If the boys do end up with size gap and you're forced into handing stuff over, you could say you'd want it back "just in case" then sell it (they don't have to know)!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 17/07/2014 07:21

If you're not planning on having any more children, I'd sell what is sellable. Offer them first refusal to buy.

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