to expect 5.5 yo DD not to draw on walls and DD2 (2.5) to either sit on potty OR wear nappies?

[rhetorician]

aaargh! DD1 has been told a million and one times (and then some) that she can only draw on paper, but every time my back is turned she (in cahoots with little sister) has scribbled on wall/table/etc. It is now one of our house rules - still keeps doing it. Confiscated and binned most of the pencils and crayons, but still she finds them! she is good at drawing and it occupies her, but eventually unless I am watching her like a bloody hawk, she scribbles on something she shouldn't! And repeat. For the various other simple rules we have. She just can't seem to apply them for herself. Grrr.

And DD2, well, we were better off before we tried to potty train her. And breathe...

She's five and a half years old??

You really need to step up the punishments to make them meaningful by the sound of it.

Good luck with the toddler though, not a great deal you can do

I know! nothing seems to work, she is highly resistant to discipline; consequence is withdrawal of something she enjoys (tv, bike, playing on road). It makes not a jot of difference

toddler I am not really cross about - just irritated!

quite a lot of her behaviour isn't what I'd expect of a five and half year old - still kicks off and tantrums, doesn't really quite seem to get social rules, or other people's point of view. School have said all is fine, even when I specifically went and asked - her teacher is very experienced, so clearly it is me that is making a bollocks of it

YANBU! Sorry you are finding her hard work.....

so clearly it is me that is making a bollocks of it

On the contrary, it is to your credit that your DD knows how to behave at school.

she is good as gold at school!

HaveYouTriedARewardChart your username made me laugh. And before you ask, yes I have. It works until she gets bored with it and decides that it's not really worth the bother

"Highly resistant to discipline" = plain naughty to me. Maybe she's drawing on the walls on purpose - to wind you up. Naughty step perhaps? She should know better at 5.5

www.diy.com/nav/decor/paint-woodcare/creative-project-paints/chalkboard_paint/B-and-Q-Funky-Colours-Chalkboard-Paint-Jet-Black-500ml-12638586?noCookies=false

She seems to like drawing on walls, so why not paint a chalk board on her bedroom wall.

taxi yes! she is naughty. Had a long spell of using naughty step/time out/being sent to room. I can't honestly say it made that much difference. Some of it is to do with little sister. If you ask her what the rule is about drawing she will tell you precisely, but seems unable to access this when she has a pencil in her hand. She is very impulsive

What about pavement chalk that she can do outside while the weather's nice? She could do it in garden or on pavement and then wash away with a bucket of water if you need to.

Could you sit her down and explain that if she is going to draw on the walls she can be the one to remove it. And stick to it. You will have to stand over her until it is clean a few times.

With children who are slow to pick up on social rules, for whatever reason, you need to be utterly consistent*. Making consequences appropriate to the action helps too.

*this is the HARDEST THING IN THE WORLD.

yes, we have pavement chalk which she loves - and I like the chalkboard in bedroom idea too. She has trouble recognising that things belong in different categories - that water is for outside and for bathrooms only, for example.

Have you asked her why she draws on the wall?

Does she play up the most when you are diverted by the needs of DD2?

Does she genuinely not understand the rules or does she just choose to ignore them because it gets a reaction from you? If she is well-behaved at school, it could be attention-seeking.

5 and a half and drawing on walls.....shocked has she sn? My sister 3 year old knows that a huge no no!!!! Only know him and his sister so might be out if touch. Apologies if so.

You need my bil he scary when telling the children off. Never touched them once. Ever!

Does she have this problem at school? Does she take the outside things inside? Does she move water around at school?

If the answer is yes, there may be something in it. If the answer is no as I suspect, then she just does it at home because she can!

I had one very 'challenging' child and it was hard to find something that would stop her in her tracks, all toy removal, didn't care, same for tv, same for time out. The only two things that worked were being properly excluded (so having to sit in time out while we all had a nice time at the dinner table/eating a dessert/playing a game as a family) and then computer time once she was old enough to really really want to go on it. I don't mean one hour of loss, I mean 1 day loss for every infraction (e.g. rude word, hitting out, mark on a wall). It seems harsh, but there comes a point where you can't put it down to them being toddlers any more and it's just not ok to be drawing everywhere and trailing water through the house when you have been told no. Plus once they've lost the computer for 11 days straight, you don't have to repeat yourself hundreds of times to get them to behave nicely.

It might not be the computer for her, but there must be something she cares about. Consequences such as cleaning up have never worked for us, my dd2 loved cleaning up her mess with an adult, what could be more fun than more water and cleaning products!

Why have you posted on here? Do you realyl want to debate whether your expectation that a 5.5 yr old shouldn't draw on walls is unreasonable, or do you want to ger advice? I suspect the latter and there is a board for 'Behaviour' so why not move it there?

I suspect your DD is doing it because she knows it is a way to get your attention.Maybe you need to look at that first?

specialmagiclady I do this - and today when it happened she immediately went over to the sink, got a cloth and started cleaning it up. It is hard to be consistent because the 'rules' are not consistently applied in the situations she encounters. I told her that it was polite to say something nice about a gift someone gives you, even if you don't particularly like it (after a incident with a Hello Kitty present) and she said, not unreasonably, "so you have to lie?". It is actually easier to make draconian rules that to try to explain subtle gradations. House rules are, no hurting, no name-calling/rude words, no drawing on anything that isn't paper, no going into other people's houses without permission (ours and theirs -we live on a friendly street where kids quite often end up in other people's houses), no taking food or drink without asking first. She has a few other little things that she can earn ticks on her chart for - putting plate away and wiping table, doing as she is asked first time, stopping something when asked (she is particularly bad at transitions, which are real flash points), putting toys away before bed.

queen because I was feeling exasperated and then kind people came on and made helpful suggestions, so the thread has morphed into something slightly different? I take your point though

london don't think so - some minor issues really. She knows it is wrong, but isn't able to act on this in the moment. It is undoubtedly attention seeking, and she hadn't done it for quite a while until DD2 did it a couple of times

queen how do you get a thread moved?

napoleon - not as such, but she has been repeatedly told at school not to bring bugs etc inside

You right rhetoric it is attention seeking. I can lend my bil out for a reasonable amount. . Have you tried the mummy is very disappointed and upset approach with sad daily mail face and reward chart, bad step approach. Not easy I feel for you op. It's not your fault remember that. X