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Original poster

To go and beat the little bastard around the head!?

55 replies

CalamityClara · 14/07/2014 10:39

DD is 15. Thankfully we are very close and she talks to me about things. A few months ago it became apparent she had a boyfriend. Teenage emotions being what they are, she was smitten and 'loved him'.

The little shit has dumped her over the weekend. She has been inconsolable. He dumped her because he wanted to go further than just kissing and she didn't want to.

I know this is all normal. I know she'll get over it and has probably learnt a valuable lesson about some boys, but my heart is breaking for her. My baby girl, my PFB, is so hurt and this is the first time in her life I can't make it better :(

I seriously want to go and kill this boy!!!

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 14/07/2014 13:34

I bet you are so very proud of her!

She will get over it and reasonably quickly.

londonrach · 14/07/2014 13:36

Can I give a positive boy story. My first boyfriend wanted to take it further. I said no I wanted to wait one year. He accepted that and still went out with me through that summer. Uni happened and we naturally spilt. He respected my right to say I'm not ready. That made him a man not a boy. He never did get anything from me but I still think of him fondly. Your dd is string and you are a amazing mum if she can tell you.

londonrach · 14/07/2014 13:38

Strong not string. Sorry autocorrect x

Original poster
CalamityClara · 14/07/2014 14:09

Sorry for typos. Blooming auto correct.

Such lovely messages! I very proud of dd, she does know her own mind. And I'm so glad we can be open about things like that.

Just for the record I know all boys aren't bad. I have a teenage son myself. That's why I made sure I said 'some' boys in my op.

But I do find myself thinking very uncharitable thoughts about him. She read out a chain of texts between them to me and his was trying to be very emtionally manipulative. Also he first tried to dump her by completely blanking her for two days. He only ended up talking to her because she basically mithered him.

OP posts:
BMW6 · 14/07/2014 14:10

You are massively over reacting TBH. Well done to DD for not giving in to his "demands" but he sounds like a normal 15 year old boy - immature (more so than a 15 yo girl) and of course desperate for sex.

Of course she is upset at being dumped (for whatever reason), but you have to chill out because her life will probably not be all roses, (NO-ONE's is after all) so are you going to beat up the world for her when things go wrong?

Icimoi · 14/07/2014 14:12

Do you know his parents? I'd be mildly tempted to let them know what their little one is up to.

Hissy · 14/07/2014 14:21

If my DS were ever to be as manipulative as this, by god he'd know about it!

Who the hell teaches these KIDS to stonewall and threaten until they get what they want, or else?

I SERIOUSLY think that the education system NEEDS to show teens what is and is not acceptable behaviour, so that any person placed in a manipulative situation such as this KNOWS that it's wrong. It would also teach those trying it that they WON'T get what they want by being emotionally abusive.

Hissy · 14/07/2014 14:25

Calamity If I were you I would go through those texts with her and show her where the emotional blackmailing is, calling each and every tactic out and showing it up for what it is.

Have a look at Living with the Dominator, it's from The Freedom Programme, but it shows each technique used by manipulative people for what they are www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/the_dominator.html

YouTheCat · 14/07/2014 15:53

If it is 'normal' teen boy behaviour then it needs not to be.

They need teaching that using emotional blackmail to get what they want is not on at all.

Joolsy · 14/07/2014 16:22

It's just as well she found out now what he's like rather than giving him what he wants and then he f*ks off!!

Original poster
CalamityClara · 14/07/2014 16:34

I don't believe that it's acceptable to pass it off as just normal teenage boy behaviour. I have a teenage son and I would be appalled if he treated his girlfriend like this.

Why is it ok for our sons to grow up thinking they can use borderline abusive behaviour to manipulate their partner into having sex?

OP posts:
VanGogh · 14/07/2014 16:40

Be so so proud of your wonderful strong daughter. She has real deep seated self respect and is now upset because she knows her mind and is not prepared to be emotionally blackmailed. No body can make you do something you are not comfortable with and she knows that. I'm proud of her and I've never even met her!

I'd let her read this thread personally. With ice cream. Wink

Original poster
CalamityClara · 14/07/2014 18:21

Thank you, VanGogh. Really appreciate your words

OP posts:
MrsGeorgeMichael · 14/07/2014 18:38

Hope she got through today ok?

Original poster
CalamityClara · 14/07/2014 23:33

She came home beaming! She had a really good day at school and her friends have been super. She said she still feels sad but she seems much better. I'm very relieved. Teenagers feel so strongly don't they!

OP posts:
EElisavetaofBelsornia · 14/07/2014 23:41

You have a DD to be proud of. I'm with Hopping, some really good quality ice cream is called for. You should have some too, you raised a sensible, strong self confident young woman who didn't cave in to pressure. I hope I do as well.

Bogeyface · 14/07/2014 23:45

One of the moments that I am most proud of from when I was 15 was this exact same scenario.

The boy involved was upper VI and v v cool, there was quite a reaction when he asked me out! We were only together 4 months and he tried it on several times and I kept saying no. After the last time when I still said no despite his "if you loved me you would...." he dumped me. I was gutted at first but it didnt take me long to realise that he was no loss at all. He was a spoilt youngest child and the only boy who was idolised by his mother, his teachers and his friends. I honestly think that I was the only person who had ever said no to him about anything as he really didnt seem to get that it was ok for me to not want to do something he wanted me to do!

I have remembered that and used it when talking to my girls about "No means no" etc. Your DD will too, she has learnt a very valuable lesson that she will pass on to her own daughters :)

sonlypuppyfat · 14/07/2014 23:48

Well done her, its easy to be talked into things we don't want to do I bet you are very proud of her.

Bogeyface · 14/07/2014 23:50

Why is it ok for our sons to grow up thinking they can use borderline abusive behaviour to manipulate their partner into having sex?

The thing is that they dont know that its not ok until someone, like your DD, calls them on it. Thats when they learn that respect is a major part of relationships, that you cant let your hormones rule you. The trouble is that teenaged boys really are ruled by their penises. Wet dreams, random hard ons etc, it cant be easy for them. Its the ones who manage to persuade some poor girl to have sex against her better judgement that never the learn the lesson and may become truly abusive as they age as they learn how to refine their persuasive skills :(

FriendlyAmoeba · 15/07/2014 00:07

Good for your DD, she shouldn't be doing anything she doesn't want until she is ready for it. :)

Also, this isn't a "teenage boy" thing. It's an asshole thing, and it's not acceptable. I knew plenty of lovely teen boys growing up.

Loopylala7 · 15/07/2014 00:14

Teenage boys ehh! I believe the best form of revenge is to grow up to be a sophisticated stunner, and when he comes crawling back thinking, yeah I fancy a bit of that, she can say 'err, no thanks mate, you had your chance when I was young and impressionable'. Its just the way the course has to run unfortunately…lots of ice cream and chick flicks are the order of the day.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 15/07/2014 00:18

I really really really hope my DDs (now 12 and 10) will take same approach if they ever find themselves in this situation.

Many years ago, my then best friend, was in similar situation. Her BF broke it off and got his next GF pregnant,and ended up married in his late teens. My poor friend was devastated, she had really strong feelings for him. But she felt really disappointed in/for him.
Your OP brings me back to this time, and I'm so relieved to hear that teenagers are still willing to break off relationship rather than go further physically than they are happy with.

Well done, your DD.

Downamongtherednecks · 15/07/2014 00:24

calamityClara would you pass on a message to your daughter that she really cheered me up to know that the next generation of girls is bright, strong, and prepared to look after their mental and physical health like this. Any mother would be proud to have her as a daughter. And well done to you Calamity, for raising a daughter with strong morals and a clear head.

Original poster
CalamityClara · 15/07/2014 07:56

I'll pass on you message :) and I'll tell dd how proud you all are of her. I think she needs to hear that atm.
Thank you all so much.

OP posts:
Littleroobe · 15/07/2014 08:31

Wow, what an amazing young lady you have brought up. She knows her own mind and won't be manipulated. She will in a few weeks/months/years realise what a prat he was and be really proud that she waited for someone who was special to her and not just because he wanted to.

I know because that was me at 16. However mine was a big prat (insert much harsher word) because he wasn't honest and told me he wanted to split because "he had cancer and didn't want to upset me!". This was a complete lie and what made it worse was he'd lost his own dad to it!