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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit hurt upset embarrassed

35 replies

Blossum123 · 14/07/2014 07:10

Last night I was talking to my husband about something and he commented the woman had s great body - I didn't say anything at the time . But this morning I'm feeling quite angry and hurt/ embarrassed . My body's not like that what does he think of me? !

OP posts:

Sirzy · 14/07/2014 07:13

Just because he thinks someone else has a great body doesn't mean he doesn't think you have.

Sounds like you are overreacting, but from your post i wonder if that is because you have a poor body image of yourself?

StealthPolarBear · 14/07/2014 07:14

I hope the answer is that he thinks all round you're the best.
would you have felt the same if he had paid her another type of compliment?

wheresthelight · 14/07/2014 07:14

Sorry but i don't see the issue?! Surely you look at male movie stars/men in the street and notice if they are attractive. That doesn't say anything about what you think of dh so why should ot be such an issue the other way around?

affafantoosh · 14/07/2014 07:15

"She has a great body": fine.

"She has a better body than you": not fine.

Backinthering · 14/07/2014 07:16

Actually I think that was a tactless thing to say.

CoffeeTea103 · 14/07/2014 07:29

Yabu, he didn't say anything about you. You're projecting your own insecurity and that's why you're taking his comment as a dig against you which it's not.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/07/2014 07:37

Really? I think this says more about you than him. I wouldn't have been at all bothered by this.

Original poster

Blossum123 · 14/07/2014 07:43

Iv no doubt it prob is my in security's - iv got a reasonable figure but iv had children and my body does not look like that . If I had just seen her in passing I wouldn't of batted a eyelid but the fact he said she had a good body - yeah it upsets me - if that's what he classes as good - as mine isn't like that

OP posts:

foreverforaging · 14/07/2014 07:50

I hate men who do this. It's pretty disrespectful.

XP used to do it all the time and DH wouldn't dream of saying anything like it because he's a truly lovely chap. Needless to say, I am much happier with the current set up.

fluffyraggies · 14/07/2014 07:50

OP are you more upset about the fact that he said what he was thinking outloud, or that he was thinking it at all? Think about it.

It wasn't a rude or smutty comment. It wasn't particularly necessary either. I'd let it go.

I'm a pretty jealous/insecure person and had real problems in the past. But, (largely thanks to MN), the last few years i have managed to get my head around around the fact that it's inevitable to have a physical reaction to an attractive body. It's nature.

If i'm out with DH i appreciate him not letting his eyes linger over other women. I afford him the same courtesy if there's a fit man about. I've seen him look at me to see if i'm looking at them occasionally, lol. We're both fully aware the other is going to notice a good looking member of their opposite sex - but it's manners not to look twice.

We have a good sex life; i get the benefit of the fact he's attracted to women. That's how i look at it now - rather than be insecure about it.

Am i making any sense? :)

fluffyraggies · 14/07/2014 07:53

OK. X post. It's something inevitable. His body is going to change over the years too. You'll still love him? Even knowing he's past his prime.

Does that help?

maras2 · 14/07/2014 07:56

Oops.All not well in the 'surendered wife,lead taking husband' household? Sorry don't mean to sound facetious but I was involved in your epic thread a few weeks ago. I wouldn't like it if my husband commented on other women's bodies but feel confident enough to tell him outright rather than stewing all night and getting upset. 'Oi, DH please don't be so bloody disrespectful' followed by the 'death stare' should work.You try.

2LittleFishes · 14/07/2014 08:02

I wouldn't take it personally, but if your not happy with how you see yourself at the moment I can see why it bothered you. He married you, chose you to have his children so I'm sure he's interested in alot more than the perfect body.

And not everyone's perfect- this should make your feel a bit better www.weblyest.com/articles/view/734?utm_source=taboola&utm_medium=referral

Noneedtoworryatall · 14/07/2014 08:05

I point them out to my husband!

CrayolaCocaColaRocknRolla · 14/07/2014 14:19

ohhh dp has done this in the past! He has said this to me...
"I don't see a future with that girl. I see a future with you. Bodies don't make a person. I love yours but all I see to her is that picture, I see YOU for you. I'm sorry I've hurt you and I won't do it again."
Thing is, we're all allowed to look. I just don't want him "liking" because I look nothing like those girls. But, if he wanted a girl like that, he'd be with a girl like that. He wouldn't have done the things he's done for me, with me, etc.
Don't worry about it x

CrayolaCocaColaRocknRolla · 14/07/2014 14:23

And also, I will look at hot women that walk past. I will point them out to DP whos eyes have found them first!
I am very jealous and very insecure and constantly crave attention. I will grow out of it, and grow up. honestly, don't worry!
and also, there's nothing wrong with being "submissive". "surrendered wife" isn't really the word for it. My DP does take the lead and I follow because thats how I like it, we are a team and thats how our team works.

Ilovexmastime · 14/07/2014 14:30

Why not ask him what he thinks of you? If he's a decent guy he'll say something along the lines of what Crayola said.

If it upsets you that he says things like this, then gently ask him not to, and explain how bad it makes you feel. Again, if he's a decent guy then he'll refrain from commenting on other women's bodies when he knows that you're feeling insecure about your own.

Toooldtobearsed · 14/07/2014 16:37

I think it is all a question of age. When I was young, I was intensely 'jealous' whenDH made comments like that- I could stew for bloody weeks over it, and I was a (not beautiful), perfect size 8 at the time.
Now, with the benefit of age, and years of marriage under my belt, it really does not bother me.
Do you never look at a man and think he has a gorgeous physique? Difference is, men are stupid enough to say it, we just think it

Original poster

Blossum123 · 14/07/2014 21:17

I text him ! Bit cowedly but hey . Told him I was upset by something g he had said did he have any idea what - he had no idea at all . I told him and he said I had miss understood him .was very apologetic not sure how I miss under stood but I'm glad I got it off my chest .
Neither of us are spring chickens buti expect him to do me the decency and not comment on other woman .i know it's just looking but I find it really offensive if it's in my presence it seems very disrespectful .
I'm not 100% body confident - but who is after kids ?
I just feel he should be respectful . Yeah everyone looks but in front of ur partner it seems wrong .i certainly wouldn't say anything to him about another man .
To me if he's admiring someone else it's saying to me that I'm replaceable or not 100% enough ?I know he loves me and would never cheat . But I guess I do expect to be his everything

OP posts:

Original poster

Blossum123 · 14/07/2014 21:19

I think as well my biggest hate is my baggy stomach so I was furious he commented on someone with a flat stomach when iv given birth to his children

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 14/07/2014 21:23

Blimey, you're well over thinking it OP

ShakeYourTailFeathers · 14/07/2014 21:26

I said something similar about the neighbor who was outside in just his jeans last night. DH said something about 'bet you enjoyed that view' I'll say and we had a giggle.

I know it's upset you, but I think you are overthinking it all a bit...he's married, not blind.

TheFillyjonk · 14/07/2014 21:31

Understandably, OP, you're a little sensitive. You want to be DH's everything and for him not to even consider looking at anybody else - this is really a little unattainable, isn't it? Do you honestly never look at other men or women? Never appreciate how somebody looks?

You're insecure about your body and your baggy stomach. It's not his fault you're insecure about it. Neither is it your fault that you are. Explain to him that you feel a little insecure about your body and commenting on women that you think have a better body makes you feel jealous and upset, somewhat lesser to them. I'm sure they aren't even in the same league as you in beauty.

I'm not with the posters saying you should let him look because he's a man and men look - that I find pretty sexist and apologist. But I look at other men and my DP looks at other women (so do I sometimes, and we have similar taste ) I understand where you're coming from in saying that he shouldn't be so disrespectful as to comment on it and you may need to explain that this is your issue.

WorraLiberty · 14/07/2014 21:31

I'm not 100% body confident - but who is after kids ?

Actually a lot of people are and they're not just the slim/flat bellied types.

Confidence is something that comes from within. Ok, I understand you're lacking in it, but please take on board that this is your issue.

I'm glad your DH was apologetic and realises he's upset you, but try not to make him walk on egg shells too much because even if he does, you'll still be left with the same issues around your confidence.

Bowlersarm · 14/07/2014 21:38

Agree with worra

A serious overreaction, OP.

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