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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect more organisation at a wedding?

76 replies

CantGetABloodyTaxi · 13/07/2014 20:37

Just got back from a wedding this weekend.

Ceremony was in a village church. Reception was 30 mins drive away in a stately home a good 15 mins drive from the nearest town. No one staying at the venue, pretty much everyone staying in hotels in the nearest town. Don't think any of the guests lived near the venue or knew the local town - venue was picked to be equal travelling for most family and guests.

Pretty much all the guests drive to the church, then drive to the town near the venue, dump the cars and get taxis to the venue so they can have a good time.

Come 11ish, as the party stands winding down, people start casually asking best man and bridesmaids if there's any transport back into the town. There's not. Which is fine, everyone just starts Googling taxi numbers and calling - only to find out there are no taxis available until 3am. Venue closes at midnight...

Best man is going frantic trying to sort it out and not let the bride and groom know. Only one or two staff at the venue actually worked there (rather than being outside catering) and they were pissed off - my impression being they were annoyed/surprised the wedding party/planner hadn't thought about this - another friend's impression was they were annoyed that they'd have to stay until 3 when everyone could leave.

It ended up with the poor few people who did drive to the venue ferrying everyone around at midnight!

AIBU to think that someone at some point in the planning, whether it was someone from the wedding party or someone from the venue, should have mentioned it's in the middle of nowhere, on a Saturday night, and relying on local taxis wouldn't work?

(Also realised afterwards that no one had had an invitation with details on, not a problem really but a invite with hotels and transport etc could have easily highlighted that people should pre-book cabs)

(Oh, and also have nc for this as it would out be immediately!!)

OP posts:

maggiethemagpie · 13/07/2014 21:19

I never assume I can just get a taxi unless I am in a city. In these country places the taxi companies can often get booked well in advance. I went to an out of the way wedding recently and wouldn't have dreamed of leaving it to chance. One of us would have not drunk, but as it was the B and G provided a minibus.

Paddingtonthebear · 13/07/2014 21:21

I struggled to get a taxi from my local airport once after midnight.

It's not unusual to book a taxi in advance particularly if you don't know the area? I'm amazed that no one attending this wedding had the foresight to even ask in advance about the ease of taxi booking. Why would a taxi company send a load of taxis to a random venue 15 mins from the nearest town late at night unless they were prebooked?
Do people really expect the bride and groom to pay for a coach?! Obviously a free meal, entertainment and the pleasure seeing friends tie the knot isn't enough for people anymore. The wedding industry juggernaut has a lot to answer for perhaps!

squoosh · 13/07/2014 21:22

I'm still shaking my head at a wedding that's over by 11pm.

Julius02 · 13/07/2014 21:22

We went to a wedding recently and got a taxi from our hotel to the venue. On the way we asked the taxi driver for a card so that we could call the taxi company later to book a taxi home, and we asked him whether we needed to prebook or could just call nearer the time. Simples!

Oh and we live in London :-) (although the wedding was in the country)

Bearbehind · 13/07/2014 21:24

Me too squoosh to hell with the taxis, I'd be horrified if everyone had wanted to leave my wedding at 11pm.

squoosh · 13/07/2014 21:26

Yes! Weddings are only getting started at that time.

Down with this sort of thing.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 13/07/2014 21:27

OP you keep talking about wedding planners. I don't know anyone who hired a wedding planner, me included. Or do you mean the people that work at the venue (ours had a wedding coordinator, who was actually off sick on the day).

londonrach · 13/07/2014 21:27

Transport surely is the guests problem not the wedding party. Someone in your group doesn't drink p, taxi booked etc. don't understand how in any way this the fault of the wedding party.

Paddingtonthebear · 13/07/2014 21:28

Well that's true!

I'd be more annoyed that my guests (friends!) were moaning about my wedding behind my back though.

As I said, weddings seem to bring out the worst sense of entitlement in people !

Heels99 · 13/07/2014 21:29

I have been to weddings in,other ally the middle of Scottish highlands nowhere. Booked taxis weeks in advance as taxi company had to organise and roster the drivers as they don't have many.

Surprised guests didnt organise this themselves. Would not expect best man or bridesmaids to do it

LynetteScavo · 13/07/2014 21:33

What? It's the guests responsibility to sort out their transport, not the bride and groom!

If you get a taxi to the middle of nowhere, you book a taxi to pick you up at midnight. Well, I would anyway.

Next people will be complaining they weren't provided with painkillers when they were leaving the venue, to take when they wake up the next day with a headache!

Oriunda · 13/07/2014 21:39

We married in the City on a Saturday. Our venue closed at 11pm (historic venue so no flexibility). My brother who was an usher was given a wedge of money and tasked with hailing cabs for those that needed one. We deliberately chose a venue that was a 10 minute walk from the guests' hotel so transport wasn't really a problem.

I remember a wedding at a castle outside Rome in the middle of nowhere. We'd all been bussed in, but no buses arranged to take us home. Pouring with rain and we all had to wait ages for taxis. Another wedding in Prague was fabulous. Coaches to take us to venue and coaches to drop us back in Central Prague afterwards. My view is that a well-organised wedding planner (be it the bride or groom or whoever) should consider transport options and at the very least provide taxi details for out of towners.

specialsubject · 13/07/2014 21:40

Another in the WTAF? department.

you got yourselves there, you get yourself back. Getting to and from a wedding is the responsibility of the guests.

and I've never seen a wedding that had 'carriages' later than a bit after midnight. If it has been going since the usual 2pm that is enough, I admire your stamina.

I went to a wedding in the middle of London. Unless you also live in the middle of London, it will still be necessary to leave around midnight in order to get home.

Iownafourinchporsche · 13/07/2014 22:24

I think getting home is the responsibility of the people attending the wedding. They should have pre booked the taxis, not the bride/planner/best man.

I wouldn't expect anyone to arrange my transport home after an evening. People knew the reception was in the sticks and they had the opportunity to arrange an evening taxi actually on the way to the reception or a few days before.

maddy68 · 13/07/2014 22:58

It's not up to the bride and groom to arrange transport? Surely guests would book a taxi if they wanted to get pissed or otherwise drive?
I'm flabbergasted at the idea that you think the wedding was disorganised? Seems to me that the guests were the disorganised ones

squoosh · 13/07/2014 23:02

Would it really have been so much trouble for the bride and groom to send an email saying 'you might want to book some taxis as we aren't providing a coach'?

No trouble but saves a lot of hassle. Every wedding I've been to has included details on transport. It's standard.

ChoccaDoobie · 13/07/2014 23:08

Mmmm, not sure about that. I had an out of the way wedding reception and organised transport back into town for people in the form of a bus. I certainly would have done something to help people out. Or as Squoosh says to let people know that there is not transport arranged etc. If people are not from that area they may not grasp how far out the village hall was.

angeltulips · 13/07/2014 23:51

This is definitely a city v country thing - it wouldn't even occur to me that you had to pre book a taxi days in advance, I'm far more likely to wait til I get to a place to organise as that way you can club together with other guests. It has only failed me once still dumbfounded by the most badly organised Italian wedding I've ever been to despite going to lots of rural weddings, so clearly most people DO think of their guests. (most comm

I had such fear of being stranded without transport at my wedding I made sure everything was within 10mins walking distance

angeltulips · 13/07/2014 23:52

Oops, meant to say that most common is that b&g organise a load of taxis to pitch up - you pay your own way home. ESPECIALLY if you're in a "venue", it's like a hotel really.

SockQueen · 14/07/2014 00:00

I'm kind of in the middle. I am not sure if I'd have thought to book a taxi earlier in the day, and almost certainly not before the day itself. I would have appreciated a heads-up from the bride & groom that it might be necessary to do this in advance. But if the plan fell through, I would accept that some of it was my fault for making assumptions.

To add to the transport horror stories though, I offer up my friends' wedding in the Lake District. Ceremony in a lovely remote village church, then a bus to a marquee by a lake for the reception. Many people are staying either in B&Bs near the church, others camping closer to the reception. Invitations say "Taxis will be provided back to the village at the end of the night."

Unfortunately, nobody in the bridal party remembered to book any. And there was no phone reception at all on the marquee site or for several miles around. Ended up walking to the campsite with someone who had their car there, and then driving until we got phone reception in order to book as many cabs as we could find at that hour in the middle of nowhere! It was an absolutely lovely wedding, but that little thing stuck with me.

I do think the people bitching about weddings finishing at 11 are unnecessarily mean though. I've been to several, including my own, where the bar closed at 11, and always had a great time. Most people stick around till the end if they know it's finishing at a certain point, so you can have one last big song with everyone on the dancefloor rather than people disappearing in dribs and drabs or worse, wondering how much longer they have to carry on for. I've also had an excellent time when there's been no official finish and people have been drinking in the bar till the following morning (not me!) so both can be great.

Happy36 · 14/07/2014 01:24

Unfortunately some weddings I´ve been to do show a lack of thought about the guests´ comfort. I think it´s come from the "me me me my big day" culture promoted by television shows about "dream weddings", but also just that people who get married are not necessarily going to be good at organising big events and may genuinely overlook things.

However in this situation the guests have to take some responsibility too and find out about transport beforehand.

differentnameforthis · 14/07/2014 05:02

I think that if you dump your car and get pissed then you ought to be thinking about how you're getting home later.

^ this. I wouldn't be happy to leave my car away from a venue with no way of knowing how to get back to it. So I wouldn't drink, or I would only have one & take my car. It isn't up to the bride & groom how people get home, perhaps it didn't occur to them that people would dump their cars. It would be the last thing on my mind while planning a wedding, to be fair.

The sense of entitlement and expectation that comes from attending a wedding these days, even a small one, it is laughable I agree. I got married 20yrs ago. Everyone managed to find the church, everyone managed to find the reception venue & I assume, managed to get home after wards. I have no idea how, because we left 10minutes before the venue closed, with an Uncle who drove us to our hotel for the night. However, no one mentioned that that had difficulty getting home.

All that was in the invite was the basic details of venues/dates/times. We did have the ushers armed with maps/directions to the venue, however, only one or were taken.

I dunno, seemed easier 20yrs ago! Wouldn't want to plan a wedding these days!

AggressiveBunting · 14/07/2014 05:12

Our venue was pretty rural. We recommended 2 hotels ( 1 budget and 1 more high end) and did coach round trip from those, so hotel- church- reception-home. We also provided taxi numbers on the info sheet and warned that you needed to book in advance if using those. I think it's one of those situations where the B&G shouldn't be obliged to lay on transport, but it would have been wise to give a heads up if it was likely to be problematic.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/07/2014 07:35

I provided a coach to/from the budget/mud-price/nice hotel I'd recommended to the venue and paracetamol for the next day .

I don't think B&G have to sort everything out, but I do think that they ought to warn people of potential problems and provide info so people can sort themselves out. As a guest I'd probably be trying to book a taxi in advance and then changing the time later if I'd got it wrong rather than leaving it until 11pm.

mumtoateen · 14/07/2014 07:49

My niece had a wedding at a zoo out of town recently. It wound down at nine (lots of kids) she organized a local taxi rank to be there to ferry people who had been drinking home

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