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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect more organisation at a wedding?

76 replies

CantGetABloodyTaxi · 13/07/2014 20:37

Just got back from a wedding this weekend.

Ceremony was in a village church. Reception was 30 mins drive away in a stately home a good 15 mins drive from the nearest town. No one staying at the venue, pretty much everyone staying in hotels in the nearest town. Don't think any of the guests lived near the venue or knew the local town - venue was picked to be equal travelling for most family and guests.

Pretty much all the guests drive to the church, then drive to the town near the venue, dump the cars and get taxis to the venue so they can have a good time.

Come 11ish, as the party stands winding down, people start casually asking best man and bridesmaids if there's any transport back into the town. There's not. Which is fine, everyone just starts Googling taxi numbers and calling - only to find out there are no taxis available until 3am. Venue closes at midnight...

Best man is going frantic trying to sort it out and not let the bride and groom know. Only one or two staff at the venue actually worked there (rather than being outside catering) and they were pissed off - my impression being they were annoyed/surprised the wedding party/planner hadn't thought about this - another friend's impression was they were annoyed that they'd have to stay until 3 when everyone could leave.

It ended up with the poor few people who did drive to the venue ferrying everyone around at midnight!

AIBU to think that someone at some point in the planning, whether it was someone from the wedding party or someone from the venue, should have mentioned it's in the middle of nowhere, on a Saturday night, and relying on local taxis wouldn't work?

(Also realised afterwards that no one had had an invitation with details on, not a problem really but a invite with hotels and transport etc could have easily highlighted that people should pre-book cabs)

(Oh, and also have nc for this as it would out be immediately!!)

OP posts:
PandaFeet · 13/07/2014 21:00

I hate the notion that when you are invited to a wedding you should be taken by the hand and guided through the whole thing from start to finish.

Did all these drunk people give up their competant adult status when the invitation arrived or what?

I have know of wedding guests to demand the B+G to provide a bus, a sodding bus, to and from their venue. FFS. Sort it out yourself!!

Its not hard to think that you might need to book a taxi earlier in the evening, but then, I always need to do that even when out in my local city, as getting out time is crazy and there aren't enough taxis.

YABU.

Original poster
CantGetABloodyTaxi · 13/07/2014 21:00

Oops - no, sobered up now, which bit made no sense? Wish I did have some alcohol in the house though, it would make the World Cup final a bit more bearable!

Clubbing together would have been fine, we were all going to the same place, but not many people knew each other before the wedding.

Happy to admit IABU, we were just pondering it this morning over breakfast (was with friends who are planning their own wedding so they were keenly eyeing up lots of things) I do however think that having a vague think about how none of the guests are local and know the area would be a normal part of wedding planning. Or do we just have ridiculously organised friends, every other wedding we've been too where most guests have travelled have recommended hotels, taxi firms, ordered minibuses etc?

OP posts:
Preciousbane · 13/07/2014 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BolshierAyraStark · 13/07/2014 21:01

It finished at 11? Tut, poor show.

How you get to & from a venue is your own problem-you are a grown up yes?

YABU.

littlewhitebag · 13/07/2014 21:02

I live in a rural area. I wouldn't go to anything unless i had arranged how i was going to get home and pre booked a taxi if needed. I suspect people who live in big cities just wouldn't have realised this.

I don't think the bride and groom or the wedding planner needed to do anything about this.

The guests really just needed to use their brains before going to the wedding and sorted out their transport home.

LiegeAndLief · 13/07/2014 21:02

I don't think this is the problem of the bride and groom. I've been to a couple of weddings in similar circumstances and have always booked a taxi back to wherever my car is in advance.

Original poster
CantGetABloodyTaxi · 13/07/2014 21:03

Ha! Yes, most of the guests live in London, Leeds etc and taxis are more on demand.

I don't think it's the bride and groom's fault at all. I'm not pissed off about it either, just musing (as I said, the telly is being hogged by the football). I think the wedding venue could have mentioned it to someone. Or maybe have a deal with a local firm?

If I was a wedding venue organiser person I'd take kick backs from a local firm Grin

OP posts:
magpiegin · 13/07/2014 21:04

I would expect guests to sort their own transport. Some of our wedding guests were staying a taxi ride away, I just assumed that as adults they would sort themselves out (which they did).

MooncupGoddess · 13/07/2014 21:05

If you live in a city or even a reasonably sized town it is easy not to realise that taxis may be limited. It sounds like even if guests had planned in advance there wouldn't have been enough taxis. People would have had to drive to the venue and not drink.

So, I think the bride and groom should have thought ahead on this one and provided a coach or at least info.

I went to a wedding in rural Gloucestershire once where there was only one local taxi firm, which got booked up days in advance! Lots of stressed guests.

Original poster
CantGetABloodyTaxi · 13/07/2014 21:05

squoosh, how far did you end up walking? Shock

OP posts:
Paddingtonthebear · 13/07/2014 21:08

Well yeah it's poor planning. But it's up to the guests - If you plan on relying on someone or something else to get you home from anywhere, you should be thinking in advance about how that will happen and not making assumptions!

Things like this make me so pleased that we bypassed the bullshit that seems to surround organising a big wedding!

Original poster
CantGetABloodyTaxi · 13/07/2014 21:08

I'm not going to be one of those posters who ignores it - WWBU, apparently, and that's fine, I will research taxi firms like there is no tomorrow and book one a week before!

But a few other posters like Mooncup have hit the nail on the head - if you've spent the past decade living somewhere where you never, ever have to pre-book taxis you don't realise how stretched local taxi firms might be, or that they just won't pick people up if they consider it out of the way. I'm sure that will prompt a lot of 'spoiled Londonder' comments though...

OP posts:
nilbyname · 13/07/2014 21:09

I really don't think the venue is at fault here at all! You are and so are the bride and groom!

Honestly, how could you not think, erm how we getting home?

Bonkers!

Bearbehind · 13/07/2014 21:09

The bit that made absolutely no sense was the bit about the staff being 'ungrateful' about walking you to the car parks.

Why the fuck would they be 'grateful' to do that?

People who live in London and assume life outside it works in the same way deserve everything they get IMO.

No one had promised you a lift so you should have made your own arrangements.

I went to a wedding in the middle of nowhere last year and booked a taxi beforehand- not exactly radical?

Original poster
CantGetABloodyTaxi · 13/07/2014 21:10

Paddington yes! Not married yet and a big venue wedding would be my worst nightmare. If that was me I'd probably forget my own bloody car too and from the venue. Though I have been to one close friend's wedding where we ended up in a local taxi with the b&g because they hadn't thought it through!

OP posts:
Pobblewhohasnotoes · 13/07/2014 21:11

We put an info sheet in with our invitations with taxi numbers, local train stations etc.

However as a guest I would expect to sort out my own transport, if you know the reception ends at 11pm then sort out a taxi in advance.

Paddingtonthebear · 13/07/2014 21:13

I do wonder how many couples think they had the perfect wedding not realising how critical their guests were about it during/after.

The sense of entitlement and expectation that comes from attending a wedding these days, even a small one, it is laughable

Original poster
CantGetABloodyTaxi · 13/07/2014 21:13

Oh, right - well, obviously the staff weren't going to be singing and dancing us down to the car park. I meant that it was a bit odd that they seemed so pissed off about escorting guests to the car park in the dark, even though there was no way they could get to the cars without being escorted, due to the venue being in a big park. It felt a bit damned whatever you do.

People who live in London - I knew someone would say that.

OP posts:
Scholes34 · 13/07/2014 21:14

Did none of the taxi drivers ferrying people to the venue in the first place not suggest it might be wise to book a return taxi?

Does everyone have a wedding planner these days?

edwinbear · 13/07/2014 21:16

I had a wedding in the middle of the sticks, (where my parents lived) and most of my guests were coming from London. I booked up all the local hotel rooms on their behalf, putting the oldies in one hotel and the youngsters in the other so they could continue the party when they got back should they choose. I put coaches on from the hotel, to the church, onto the reception then back to the hotel. Because I wanted everyone to relax and enjoy themselves knowing they didn't have to worry about how they were getting anywhere. But then I am well known for being a bit of an over organiser.

chesterberry · 13/07/2014 21:16

I guess the thing is if the people who work at the wedding venue are all from the rural area it might not occur to them that anybody would think taxis might be readily available all through the night. If they think it is common sense to book taxis ahead then they may see no reason to mention it anybody. If most people booking weddings at their venue are local and already know about taxis then it may have never been an issue before. Perhaps after this incident they may mention it in future!

I grew up in a very rural area, no public transport past 7pm apart from taxis which definitely had to be pre-booked. It seems like common sense to me that if you are going to need a taxi back from somewhere you need to pre-book well in advance or be willing to wait until one becomes available, which on a Fri/Saturday night may be several hours.

It would never have occurred to me (before this thread!) that people from cities might just assume that taxis would be readily available as they are used to. If I were the bride having a wedding in my rural home-town I probably wouldn't even think about mentioning transport from the venue to people, the fact some people grew up in cities where taxis were readily available and might expect to be able to ring a taxi and get one immediately probably wouldn't even cross my mind.

nilbyname · 13/07/2014 21:17

Omg, you've done this twice! Oh the shame! Op in the nicest possible way you sound very very young, and a bit silly.

I bet your great company though! ??

Bearbehind · 13/07/2014 21:17

I meant that it was a bit odd that they seemed so pissed off about escorting guests to the car park in the dark, even though there was no way they could get to the cars without being escorted, due to the venue being in a big park.

Have you even considered the fact that it was probably because they spend every Friday and Saturday night doing just that because a load of city oiks can't arrange their own transport?

squoosh · 13/07/2014 21:17

CantGetABloodyTaxi took us about 45 mins to get back to the hotel! We managed to find lifts for the aged relatives. Bit of an embarrassing situation though.

I've just remembered another wedding I attended where a friend of mine drove back to his accommodation in a golf cart he 'borrowed'.

I do think if you're asking people to come to your wedding in the rural wilds it's good to spell out the transport situation to them. Not as if it takes that much effort is it?

MooncupGoddess · 13/07/2014 21:18

Weddings in the middle of nowhere are a massive hassle - fun while you're there, but the nuisance and expense is often greater than the enjoyment you get out of it. But you go because you care about the people getting married and want to support them.

In return, I think the bride and groom owe their guests a bit of consideration, and that includes thinking through how the guests will get there and away and giving them at least some basic info.

At every middle-of-nowhere wedding I've been, to the bride and groom have been brilliant at providing advance information and usually a coach. Except the Gloucestershire one I mentioned above, which I always remember because the invitation explained that there was a two-tier invitation system - but didn't actually say which tier each guest was assigned to...