Thanks for asking agent. He is still hardly talking to me which gives me a permanent debilitating knot in my stomach. Feel like saying that I really need to be in a relationship where there is communication and affection but he is very difficult to talk to and I am sure that we both massively project our ishoos on to each other.
If we were able to talk to each other I could then express my jealousy / insecurity about him going to make soup with another woman 
. I have no idea what the intention was behind it and am projecting all kinds of things on to that as well, including did they eat it together (by candlelight) after it had been made.
He went off in his van this morning after having had a shower and not looking as work like as he normally would (he does renovations etc...) but with a nicer shirt on so am now wondering where he was going and if it had anything to do with the soup woman 
or something else.
It's all a mess basically. I have so much to sort out round the house and in my life and one of the reasons h is so tight lipped with me is that he feels neglected house wise, that I don't take care of him. However I can't sort anything out as I feel so anxious, trapped and silenced.
The thing we have been talking about is the OCD crisis our dd1 (who is 10 is going through). Over a period of a few weeks she has gone from being a bit more concerned than normal about bugs and bacteria etc, to definitely having OCD (hopefully temporarily) which is getting steadily worse (I think I linked to a thread about it in one of my posts). She is at school today but I rang children's A & E where I spoke to an amazingly kind doctor who then rang an amazingly nice nurse from the CAMHS unit closest to that hospital. The nurse is in the process of making my daughter's referral over the phone to the CAMHS nearest to us where she can apparently be seen as an urgent referral over the next few days which is good. Both the doctor and the nurse were very helpful and caring.
In the context of my dd's current problems, I am wondering if she is expressing the unsaid in our family life. All that is not said between h and I, the basic emotional strangulation that I feel. Of course OCD can afflict anyone with even the happiest of parents, but it is still a thought...
I am also wondering whether it is any coincidence or not that my h's soup woman is a psychotherapist (practicing and teaching and quite high flying from what I gather ). He certainly has issues from his childhood (or maybe he just can't stand me) and maybe she is who he needs? Maybe the universe is unfolding as it should?
I do know though that I cannot continue existing in this state of loneliness and emotional pain. I had moved out of our room (which I do when I feel super offended by some of the things h says which happens every few weeks and with great regularity) over the recent arguments with h (where he shouted at me not to say stupid things on one occasion over something trivial, told me "not to do my cuckoo" thing in relation to my daughter when I first tried to talk to him about it but obviously now it has got so bad that he too is really on board with the fact that she needs help and is really worried about her, told me he thought I was lazy (more paralyzed into inaction). At some stage I normally go back to our bed (which is a lot more comfortable than the pull out bed downstairs!) but this soup incident has really made me feel like I can't.
Sorry for the essay and I bet you regret asking how things are going!!!
Thanks to anyone who has read this far!